My husband was used so badly..

Post Reply New Topic

If you guys want, please read my other topic about "Possibly being treated unfairly". I really need to know this won't how our whole lives will be. I am literally crying because I feel like getting "ahead" in life is going to be impossible even thought we both work hard. Right now, I just want to die. I feel disgusted with the world and how greedy and unfair it is.


In this post, I will just say that I find employers horrible. Even if you work hard, just because you may not smile or stutter or appear stupid and others will talk to you like a kid....it doesn't matter what you do. NTs don't care. You have to be very extroverted and get things right socially all of the time or you are a loser of life. Disabled people who want to work are left behind in a lot of ways and situations like they aren't worth getting raises or any acknowledgement of how much harder they work. It's like working harder than your peers can't make up for your autism.

I just read your other post but I'm going to reply here. First of all I have experience working with grocery stores and they are notorious for hiring outside people at a higher rate while keeping current employees at a low rate. If your husband wants a raise and that new job he needs to be assertive and ask for it/about it. If he is just passive and lets people treat him like this then he will keep being kicked around. Also I would recommend he start looking for other jobs. With all his experience he might be able to get a better job somewhere else.

He asked for a raise or else he wants to be depromoted. The new manager told him that it's not possible based on some obscure rules that don't make any sense, and then he said he has to keep working as a key carrier and has to wait until he talks to people. If he decides to give up his "promotion", the manager said "it will look bad for you". I take that as an implied threat.

Also, the other issue is...the people that are being promoted from within are making insane amounts of money. So, I know that they hire people from the outside for more money, but at the same time, they are promoting people who don't even know what they are doing for insane amounts of raises. My husband said that the people being promoted are often "favored" and lazy. Hell, even the people who aren't favored and lazy have not been treated this bad.

He is currently looking for a new job. I kept telling him he needs to be assertive, but he thought that would get him fired or hours cut. That just goes to show how much they like "assertiveness". Of course, they don't care if others do this.

He finally stuck up for himself and was told "nope, no raise".

That's messed up. I really hope he can find something new. Good luck and I'm sending good vibes his way.

The thing that's getting me down is I can't see much of a future. I don't know if it's because of my depression or because I know aspies have a high unemployment rate. I really am stuck wondering if this is going to be what our life is like. Please, if people have stories about how they had jobs like this and it got better, share them. I really need to know that this isn't what our whole life will be like. I also have problems with jobs, but at least my hard work was recognized with my first job.

Oh, and thank you for the good vibes. It seems like everyone we've ranted to understands, so I don't think he is in the "wrong". I just hope this doesn't always happen. It's his first job (for a year now) and I really get depressed knowing that he is being used. It makes it seem like "what's the point?"

Be glad he doesn't work for a Papa John's franchise store. The franchise I worked for told me flat out non management staff don't deserve raises, or any other perks. I was also told the only full-time staff that this franchise has is store management. And they expected for the entire store to work as a team? With gas now at 3.80/gal, do you REALLY want to work for this company?

Thank you. I will avoid that company. I actually told my husband it's not a good idea to work for them and stores like it. I hate the owner enough as it is. And yes, this is my point. In his employee handbook, "teamwork" is valued. He had to take a class to become a key carrier. In that class, they discussed how "disgruntled" employees often end up stealing internally, and how a good way to avoid this is to be nice, motivate, be helpful, and compliment them. Pretty much make them feel wanted and be grateful. I find this ironic that he's supposed to keep this in mind while being treated like crap, the exact thing managers are told not to do.

This is also something I hate about work places. Everyone is supposed to be equal, but people arbitrarily put whoever they're buddy-buddy with in higher up positions, and often point out obscure 'rules' or even lie about rules because...politics/status quo

Yes, I don't understand it. The problem I have is that his boss and other managers always told him how amazing he was. Yet, they lie. Then when he has an issue that he is grossly mistreated, he is told to "deal with it". If one were to think about this rationally, then one would realize the only reason people have to "deal with it" is because it's accepted by the majority of people as something you have to tolerate.

Do you think a college degree would help? I'm going into engineering. He wants to do software development. With all of the horror stories about the major unemployment problem in software/development, age discrimination (companies don't like to hire you if you are over 30), the false lack of employee problem that companies scream for the government to fix (they bring in immigrants to artificially suppress wages), lack of raises, so on, I'm concerned that in that field, he would be stuck in the same spot.

A college degree in anything is better than none at all. Go for engineering!

Has he applied to Costco yet?

Tell him, don't go into software development or IT. DO NOT DO IT. Everything you're saying here is true. If he wants to keep his sanity and mind intact DON'T DO IT. Get him to major in something else. Yes, he will be stuck in the same spot. I went into IT and it was a big, huge mistake. DON'T DO IT!

http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... mployment/

Not yet, kraftie. He will be applying tomorrow. He already applied to the store that offered him another job. They said "we can work with your schedule".

Also, yeah, cube, I know what you mean. Does it help if we have an "in"? He has a good friend who works in tech, and another that works in engineering. Is this helpful? I did read your blog. I found it truthful. Unfortunately, my husband takes my rational advice about the economy and job trends to be "controlling".

He thinks I'm nagging him and "controlling" his life, when I'm actually giving him facts, statistics, and real concerns about the tech sector. To be honest, he isn't some tech genius, either. He doesn't even know any algebra yet. I think he is setting himself up for failure. He wants to design video games, but I keep telling him the job inside of his head is not how it is in reality. And he wants to be a "programmer", but I told him there is no such job now. They are called "developers", and no, code monkeys don't really exist now. He will have to learn more than programming, in other words. But he insists I'm just "bringing his dreams down". I then tell him that dreams do not mean reality cares, but he STILL calls me controlling. He pretty much has a special interest in PLAYING video games, NOT creating them. I tell him that conflating these two very different ideas will make him miserable when he finds out what programming REALLY is. He doesn't seem nearly as logical as I am, so I don't know how he is going to enjoy software development. I also told him that the companies that make computer games commonly ask for people with a BS in physics, NOT in computer science and/or software engineering, and DEFINITELY not for "programmers".

The thing is even if he has an in he still has to be able to do the job.



I am basing this on what you have said. He may not know how to interpret the facts and statistics in the manner they're supposed to be interpreted.



The thing is he has been told that he can do anything he can set his mind to and all of this positivity non-sense. It is a whole bunch of horses**t which is not so. I believe you are correct and he is setting himself up for failure. My opinion is before he goes to college or do any high risk venture (by the way college is a high risk venture) he needs to be able to understand himself and the society that is around him. He needs to be in a job that is doable for him.

First, he needs to go to a psychologist preferably someone who specializes in ASDs to determine what he has. He needs to determine his psychological profile. He can take these personality tests and career tests but they're designed by NTs for NTs. If he is able to determine the subtext behind them then they may be a valuable tool but they not be for someone who is ASD. I'm going to see if I can find one who specializes in ASDs so they can provide me solid advice. They may be able to provide him info as to how society works. In the nutshell, society just sucks.

Second, let's say you and he decide he should claim SSDI. I want both of you to be aware of something.

Social Security will state there is a Trial Work period in which he can make under $770.00 for 9 months before the substantial gain activity rule kicks in which it is $1,070.00.

Look at this right here. http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/page1-5.html

Look at the section "What Else Can Cause SSD Benefits to Stop?" and look under the subsection "Returning to Work."

Read this quote by them "However, this isn’t a cut and dry issue. It is possible for the SSA to determine that your job duties constitute SGA even if you are earning less than this amount." It means this SGA number is not the only and absolute factor that determines if he loses his SSDI number. Social Security will not tell you this. They do not list this and if they do then I missed it. They certainly do not tell what these other factors are.

http://trickustowork.blogspot.com/

http://disabilityblogger3.blogspot.com/ ... -deal.html

http://socsecnews.blogspot.com/search?q=ticket+to+work

Like I said, just fill your super soaker with urine because will need it If both of you can go to Costa Rica, relax on the beach and sip martinis under the sunset then do it

With regards to your husband I do not think appealing to his reason will work. Try to appeal to his emotion and see what happens. For example, tell him but with sadness in your voice that you are concerned about him and you don't want to see him fail and see him depressed. Tell him you want to see him happy and successful.

What is his personality like?

Is he religious? If he is a bible believing Christian then use the bible to appeal to him. You have to be sincere though or else he may think you're emotionally manipulating him which you're not. You want to do right by him and you want him to achieve the best he can be.

Yes, have him take this job and he does not need to quit the other one until it is confirmed he actually does have this job and he has signed a contract with this new employer and the rest of the paperwork.