Advice needed

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i was working for a NGO for last 3 years this year during appraisal i was badly insulted, humiliated and indirectly asked to leave.

I resigned from the job and they have asked me to come to office for final exit formalities

the thought of going to office is overwhelming my colleagues wont be around they will be having vacation
but i have lot of anger stored within me, i feel tempted to complain to the HR regarding the abusive
behaviour done by the Head of Dept.

should i go or should i ask my hubby to do the exit formalities....my hubby is willing to go
i am very sensitive and might become emotional and sentimental if i go.

i am confused.

It sounds like you are torn between putting that place behind you as soon as possible and engaging it again too seek some justice for the abuse you endured. No right or wrong answer to that, just one that will bother you the least in the long run.

i might just not go

Maybe you should go together. It wouldn't be too strange to have support with you when telling someone about things that happened in the work place. Good luck!

but it would look kiddish walking in with my hubby and he following me around everywhere

I would go and let them have it, in a calm way. I've had two similar experiences before and didn't say anything, and later regretted it. No point in storing up all that frustration, and not being true to yourself. A lot of people are afraid to speak up, but they should not have to live in fear.

You would have to be formal and professional about it though, since it would be easy to get carried away with emotions, not that there is anything wrong with emotions which are the truth. I am not sure if this sort of thing would be acceptable in your culture though, in the West speaking up is generally praised.

i was going into deep depression and was suicidal until i spoke up
now i am at peace and calm
girls are not allowed to speak up in our culture

manager told me i seek sympathy thats why i am doing all this
she says its unprofessional behaviour by me
i dont care about all this
what hurts inside cannot be bottled up and kept inside
it will burst like a volcano

Practice what you want to say over and over with your husband so you remember it all. Then have all the points you want to say summarised on a piece of paper so you remember to say them all on the day. I don't think it will look bad having your husband there, especially if you say women are not expected to speak up in your culture. Tell me if I'm wrong about this though.

ya women are not allowed to speak up but since i am working in a corporate setup
i cant suddenly behave like a housewife dragging my hubby along
i will have to keep up a professional approach
and do it alone
but my anxiety is all high to take it alone
also i am not sure what they will ask
maybe it will be only signing of documents

Write down what you would like to happen, what you expect will happen and also some less likely alternatives of what might happen. A large problem with autism is anxiety and the unknown. I read somewhere that if you think about different things that might happen and concentrate on them for a while it will make you less anxious once you get there, even if those things do start to happen because you've begun to prepare yourself for them mentally. Also if you write down what you would like to happen and it seems like it isn't going to happen then you can say something and steer the conversation towards it so you don't walk away thinking 'I wish I said something'.

I am writing it here.....bcos if i write in book i will be stuck with it
what you would like to happen,
they just give me papers to sign
they dont discuss anything further
they just close my case
my colleagues dont ask me why i am leaving

what you expect will happen
they might cross question me
they might grill me
the manager will ask me why i complained
they will drag me to higher authority

what might happen
i will be humiliated
my husband wont be able to stand up for me
i will be blanked out
i might faint

I would say just go with your instinct. There is no pressure for you to decide anything, you could really go either way on this, whatever you feel is better for you. Regardless if the outcome is good or bad, you know what is true.

i need a closure its driving me nuts i want to go out and put a end to it
even it means colleague avoiding me, humiliation by management
or another allegation on me

i want a end to it

Wow, that's great. Okay so you don't know for sure that that won't happen. It could. Even if it doesn't you can still prepare for other things. Like make a list of some things you can do if;



As for these ones;


I think they are mostly just your anxieties but even if one or all of them happened, would they be the worst things that could ever happen to you? Of course not. Even if they happened would you be able to get over them eventually? Definitely. I think you will be fine with a little more planning and accepting that once it's over and done with you will be happy and ready to move on

yes once its over i will be free
but if they humiliate me any more i wont be able to deal with it
i am already under depression
every moment i am pllanning suicidal ideas
sometimes i feel i should take my son to a beach and just drown

Well don't do that. This is when things can just begin to get better And after you say that I think you should take someone with you for some support.