I am only 19 years old, I have Asperger's syndrome, and I have come to the conclusion that my family is so abusive that I have decided that I hate them. This would be rather long, so bear with me please. I have hated the way they always make me feel small.
To begin with, I was not parented well at the beginning of my childhood. For every little mistake that I had did, starting from the age of 4, from accidentally spilling some milk, to accidentally throwing a slipper, I would be beaten black and blue for it. From other experiences to being called as a "promise breaker is a shoemaker" to other various insults. Then my younger brother comes into the picture. As I grew older and as I aged, I carefully witnessed the treatment he was receiving when he was around my age. For every little mistake that he did, he was not beaten black and blue for it, and at that point I wondered why did my parents do that to me. Did they see me as a hindrance or something? I don't know at all.
As I aged, I never knew that I had Asperger's syndrome up until the age of 10. I took up sporting activities like swimming and tennis, and I will admit that there were a few times I did goof up because I was still young and immature at the time and I would not occasionally focus. After every Tennis game, my dad would not have anything nice to say about me, he told me that "You don't focus, you are an idiot" amongst other various abuses. I even gave up swimming and tennis later on because I felt that my parents had nothing good to say about my skills. Then there comes the game of soccer. That was an only time my parents had something ever good to say about me, and I eventually stopped because I grew too old for it. I did win several medals and trophies too. My brother, who didn't have any medical issues like I did, followed on to the same footsteps that I did, taking up football and he was shown to have been good at the sport than I did. I will admit I was jealous, but then I praised and supported him because he had a natural affinity for sport and athletics. After my brother was shown to be more good at sport than I was, my parents completely disregarded my accomplishments and never bothered to praise me for them in my later life. I had then abandoned my interest in sport because they were never really pleased with what I was doing.
Another thing was music. I took up violin when I was six years old and I grew up to be extremely talented in it. It won me several praises. I recall when I brought my violin back home, I accidentally snapped my bow and broke my violin on one occasion, and I was beaten black and blue by my parents. I eventually gave it up to prevent any further abuse by my parents and from teachers alike. I tried other instruments, but that was short-lived as well. My brother, when he took up drums and piano, he received far more attention than I did and my parents would never beat him or get angry at him whenever he accidentally broke musical equipment.
Then there was an issue with university. My parents were literally forcing me to study at the local university here, and when I voiced my opinion, they took it as a big insult and began phoning their friends and family members, and when I got into university from abroad, my stupid dad made up a story about his father involving me and proceeded to beat me up for it than compliment me on my success for university. They were leaning more towards my younger brother because they felt that I was disabled because of my condition as an Asperger.
Last but not least, driving. Everytime I would drive, I would drive confidently without any errors, my crazy old mom would lambast at me, at one point telling me that "I hope you die driving." and my brother saying that "I would never trust your driving."
To sum things all up, my parents for my whole life have always thought that I would not amount to anything, I'm stupid, I'm inexperienced, when all along they have been making me feel small and stupid my whole life than supporting me through the good times and bad.
Now I don't know what to do with my life now.
24 Jun 2014, 10:43 am
