Struggling to accept I will always be alone.

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I don't know how to do it. There is this part of me that can never seem to give up at things, It always sees hope where there is none. I need to stop it though. I won't ever have a GF, all the trying to find one or talk to women does is lead to deeper depression, loss of money, and anxiety.

Yet I can't. :'( I might trying spending the money I have put aside for dating on another gun or something. but then that part of me is like what if a girl comes along and now I have no money to take her on a date.

it's illogical thought. there is no girl coming. far more likely to be struck by lighting or find a job.

spend the money on your interests and do a free date, women who want you for money are not a good investment of it.

Amen, Lotusblossom. I was going to say the same thing.

sly279, I understand how it feels to look forward and see nothing but aloneness.

Is there a place you regularly go that you might be able to meet people, where someone might approach you?

no such thing as free, the money is for gas mostly. possible fun under 10 dollar activities. I like walk dates but even that cost $3-7 in gas to get there depending on where it is. some parks charge fees park too.

my interests are soical heavy. I am at a lost what to do without a gf or friends.

Never is a long time. You have no idea what might happen next year or 5 years down the road. Stop scaring yourself with negative fantasies.

How about making dating your special interest? Learn as much as you can about picking a partner, flirting, initial conversations, building friendships, communicating with a partner, etc. I know you are struggling, but keep struggling. You will figure it out. Social skills can be learned. We (as people with AS) just have to work harder at it. Be prepared. This will be a long-term project.

Last edited by em_tsuj on 19 Jul 2014, 9:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

nope. I only leave my house for work and to get food(every 2 weeks)

when I work , I wake up go to work work my but off, go home eat, try to do something to sidetrack me then sleep. days off I just stay in my bedroom except to get food, water and to use the restroom.
I've spent 95% of my life this last year in my bedroom.

I don't believe in meeting people at work/volunteering.

my grandma sugest I go to some autism meet ups, but never says where they are. Though I don't really want to go, I guess I am kinda self hating aspie. the low functing autisics can get too touchy. the higher ones like us can be mean or blunt.
I've met 3 locally 1 was very mean and violent, 2. i suspect is an aspie and is super christian/mean 3rd was a girl who pushed me to do uncomfortable stuff and stopped talking to me when she found out I worked at the book store seasonally.

i have a friend who is one who is on the east coast he is also very violent and offensive/racist.

oh and my sister tried to pair me up with another aspie who just outright ignored me when I finally worked up the courage to message him.

I seem to be a very unique/strange person. very real possibility there is no one be it a gf or friend for me.

I feel trapped here in this room.

I've given myself a 4-9 years of life left.

I've been at this for 2-3 years now with no success. mean while my group of friends went from 10 to 1.

I don't view them as negative. probably 1/4 of the world won't have love, seems better to some how accept reality and try to live what is left of their lives.

last year seemed to go by fast, so what I have left isn't long.

I've been at it for longer than that (half a decade). It will probably be another 5 years before I am capable of handling a long-term relationship. Things change so much as you get older. It is damn near impossible not to find somebody that is attracted to you and who you like spending time with. The odds are in your favor. It is just not going to happen as soon as you want it to happen.

There are certain things you need to do that are not related to sex that will make you prepared:

1) work on your self-esteem. (If you don't love yourself, it is impossible to accept love from other people).

2) build a stable life that you like (Before you do that, you won't have enough energy to put into a long-term relationship. Your energy will necessarily go into making the changes necessary to live a comfortable life).

3). narrow your search to women who would make appropriate partners (As you learn more about yourself, you will be better able to pick a partner who is compatible).

4) figure out a way to meet women like that. Be prepared to move, if necessary.


The whole basic point I am making is that you can achieve this goal if you work on it. Don't give up...and BE PATIENT!

1. I did like myself and mostly still do, its the outside opinions that are making me sad. imagine being a red car and you love being red, but you come out of the factory and all cars are blue. they all tell you you are aweful for being red. but you love being red, but all you hear is it's awful. I feel like s**t cause of it.

2. this will never happen for me and others. not everyone can be part of the shrinking middle class.

3. I have already done that I know what type of woman I want. I have dealt with a few to realize what characteristics I like. I talked with one for a year and like most of here, but she was super independent and work aholic. so I seek someone who is playful, fun, enjoys outdoors and indoors balanced, who is kind.

4. only way to meet any woman is online dating. which hasn't worked out. as for moving that is impossible besides the economic reasons all my family are here.

I've always been ready for a long term relationship. in that area I seem to have been ahead of others. while those around me just wanted causal dating or sex. I wanted a companion.

I don't beleive money is needed to have a relationship.

I have ADHD and a short life span. patience isn't my strong point. a lot of my ex friends are in relationships or married even those who didn't want relationships.

I think I will find a job that might make a whole extra 100 or less a month. yay I don't expect to ever find a woman who is capable of seeing pass income that also matches my interests and political beliefs.

Dude, we're in the same boat. The only way I get acceptance is by hiding who I am from others. I always get rejected when I let women see my true personality. It is very disheartening. However, I realize that I have only approached a very small percentage of women. There is still the possibility that a woman I meet in the future will like me for me.



I am not middle class. I am poor and drowning in debt. However, my life is comfortable because I have put in the work to change the things I hated about my life. It's not about money. You don't need a lot of money to be happy. However, if you are unhappy with your living situation, you are not going to be attractive to a potential partner. Who wants to be with somebody who is miserable all the time?


The type of woman you like and the type of woman you are compatible with can be two totally separate things. What you want from a partner and what you actually need in a relationship can be two totally separate things.


Wanting a long-term relationship and being ready for a long-term relationship are two totally separate things.



You are going to have hard time convincing me of that one when I see men who are unemployed, disabled, and have all kinds of serious personality flaws and physical problems being in relationships. You haven't figured it out yet, but you might find a solution to this problem in the future if you don't give up.

Without reiterating some of the things I've mentioned to you in previous posts, I'll keep it short:

My first piece of advice is that if what you've been trying thus far has not been working for you, try something different. If you keep doing what you've always been doing, you should expect to continue getting the same results as before. And secondly, the only time that your situation truly becomes hopeless is when you give up hope and stop trying. I personally think that you should focus on some of the other aspects in your life right now, such as job and personal health, before you worry about finding someone. The better shape your life and happiness are in, the easier it will be to find a partner.

My life is comfortable. I have almost everything thing I could want. being comfortable or having objects though isn't what brings me longterm happiness. they make me happy for a short while but that slowly goes away. my living situation is fine. I live with my mom and sister. I have no reason to change that til I have a gf. women however look down on it, this is one example of what makes me happy makes women see me as worthless.

it has just been the type of women I get along with. the independent, high paying job type of women and me don't get along same with liberal women, conservative women, country women, and women who go to the gym every day.
i am more better with women who are geeky, mostly homebuddies, playful(i'm playful, so serious all the time women won't like me) etc. not sure what you mean by "need in a relationship"

impossible to know if one is ready for a LTR without having been in one and had it fail. I've never had a gf, so I have no ideal if i will do well. I believe I will. this also depends on what the woman would be wanting out of it, hence why no independent women. I need clingy or balanced women. preferred middle ground. I can be clingy but I can also be distant.

perhaps it is a west coast thing. but women here are very much into job title and income. My brother has a wife(who abuses him) while he is on disability. but he use to make good money doing landscaping when they met. I think alot of people who are jobless, disabled or have flaws were working when they met their partner. people will stick with their love in troubled times, but they are very unlikely to start dating one who is currently suffering.

you wouldn't approach a bum for a date, but you would date the lady at the coffee place and then if she lost her job, keep dating cause at that point you love her. This is human instinct.

almost every profile/ad has the list of stuff(car, house, job, looks) or have your stuff together, or must be in school or employed, or know where you are heading. etc.

whats her name here pointed out women are tired of the guys who mooch of of them(the disiabled, unemployed guys) I am also in a college town. so a lot of women are women who are are getting either their first degree or their second. they have high paying jobs lined up or at least think they do. they do not want a Guy who is working retail.

they want a real man who has a real job. I am begining to hate the word real.

maybe I should say I am looking for a real woman with real boobs lol but that would offend women. though women telling me I am not a man cause I don't have a job as a doctor or construction worker offends me.

do what then?
I can't meet women out and about, I won't meet them at work/volunteer. I don't do activities alone. the ones I do are men dominated with women who are married.
the online dating is all I have. women in my area are really superficial in my mind, others would call it being realistic.

really sucks knowing no matter what I do I won't ever bee seen as a "real" man in their eyes.

giving up hope is what I need to do. the hope and trying is what only helps my depression. its the Constant trying and failing over and over. maybe if I didn't have this never give up personality I would just be able to accept my lonely life and find some minmal happiness for what time I have left.

I am mostly fine with my health, I am working on the job front, its going but slowly. I am in the middle of a voc rehabe month long assessment.

I have a never give up personality I can't not simiple stop looking for a partner just as I could not stop looking for a job. its a real pain. its probably also why I didn't kill myself even though all logic says I should.

eveyrone is like just stop looking and improve your life, what if this is as good as I get. what if working a min wage job and being in ok shape is what makes me happy.

I hoped that there was a woman who could love me for being what makes me happy not what makes society happy.

I'm really starting to hate society. what good does it really do, it seems to just cause us all to be depressed and over work yourself towards unobtainable goals. goals we don't really want but others will tell us we need to work towards to be happy and loved.

what is wrong with not being a gym junkie.

where are all the nerds and geeks.

Based on your posts and your own admissions, I don't think that you are happy or satisfied with your current position in life. I mentioned before, I was in a similar situation several years ago, but with time and effort it can improve. You just have to keep applying to jobs, and keep your mind open about the types of jobs you are willing to perform. Sometimes min. wage jobs can be gateways to full-time positions, depending on the line of work. Have you considered seeing a therapist?



You can change how you approach online dating. Re-write your profile, get better pictures, change who you send messages to and what you say in those messages, change how you behave on dates and what activities you do. A few simple things like this can dramatically improve your chances of success. Protip: if I'm not mistaken you live in Oregon, one of the most beautiful states in the country. A picture or two of you in front of some seaside cliffs, waterfalls, or mountains could do wonders! (those types of pictures work very well in my experience)

I am and I am not. I am mostly just very very very very lonely. the other stuff wouldn't bother me as much if I wasn't lonely.
min wage is full time. it just means you only get $9.21 an hour for 40 hours instead of $12 an hour for 40 hours. I am open to all jobs except the one I know I can't do. I will likely end up doing cashiering or security. seems I would be good at a factory job, but those don't exist anymore. I won't see a therapist. they don't help and the result will be the loss of my gun rights. I have a ps4, tablet, laptop, iphone, ipod, car, hdtv. I have all the things that should make me happy if it was objects that would make me happy. I have only 1 real friend(we hardly hangout, and no gf. I lack social interaction and its depressing. when I was in high school thru college I would hang out with friends every day. I went from 100% social interaction to .002%

I took advice and done those things multiple times on my profile. I do fantastic on dates. I just don't get dates. its the getting a date that is the problem. and that comes down to I don't have a high paying job. I don't contact the women who say the guy needs to have a good job, good car, own place, etc. which is 85% of women in my area. probably why they will be forever alone too. serves them right though. maybe if they were more realistic of the current times we live in they could actually find guys who don't just want them for sex. there are far more unemployed guys then there are unemployed women. the feminist movement has done quite well here. but that creates the problem of more employed women then mean means that there isn't enough employed men for them. those who are apparently tend to just want sex or fwb. mind you even those men who have jobs are considered to be real jobs unless its 40 hours a week, non retail, non service and makes more then $10 an hour. even though some of those women work at fast food making $9.21. I honesty do not see how they expect to find a bf.

as for pictures. I have no one to take them. I also don't go to any of those things. When I do we tend to get to caught up in having fun to take pictures. How do people stop having fun to remember to take them? o.O