Am I being completely selfish?!

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While I was on vacation, my fiancé's brother had a really bad boating accident and is now in the hospital and doing really really badly. Now all my fiancé can think about is his brother and all our pending plans (wedding, engagement party, looking for a better job elsewhere?) are all forgotten. It's like our lives have stopped and now he's just living for his brother every day going to visit him and worrying about him and not thinking about anything else.

I'm jealous that he's getting all the attention and that our plans are now STOPPED until who knows when! It's not fair?.

Ok, I do feel AWFUL for the brother and everything but life doesn't STOP?.you can't just ignore everything else?.I feel like a completely selfish person and I probably am being it right now, but I just can't help it?.I just feel like they're giving the brother all the attention and then what about me and our plans for the future?

Any advice on how to cope with this is really appreciated. No mean comments b/c I've probably said them in my head already?..thanks everyone.

When was the accident and when were you planning for your wedding to take place?

First of all, you are human, and it's entirely understandable that you feel dismay at your wedding plans being halted by an unfortunate event. At the same time, however, this terrible accident IS pretty big. It's awful that something so catastrophic has happened in your fiance's life just at a time when the two of you are planning one of life's biggest steps and milestones. Your event is hugely important. But...so is a serious accident to a loved one. Your fiance's brother is in serious condition and right now, the only thing that really can happen is for your fiance to be completely caught up in worrying about that. It may well have to cut into the wedding plans. Unfortunately, when a big enough thing like is does happen, life does kind of stop,and even change, for those around.

I KNOW this feels like a really disruptive inconvenience to one of the most important things you will ever do, and hope to do only the one time. But try to view this as also being another important thing that is happening: a member of the family that is about to become your family too, may be fighting for his life from this terrible accident. Things happen sometimes that get in the way of what we are trying to make happen deliberately. They say "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" and it's true -- this is unfortunately all part of life.

That doesn't make it any less unfair -- it IS unfair. It's unfair to your plans, and it's also unfair to the man who is now in the hospital. I know it's very hard not to feel selfish, but first of all, be gentle with yourself because you are merely having a very human reaction, but second of all try to accept that this is pretty serious, nobody could foresee it, and even though it's rotten all around, you must be of comfort and support to your future husband right now, as he needs one of the very things a married couple can give each other at the moment: support and being by his side at one of life's worst times.

A wedding day is nice, but it's the marriage that really counts, and right now you can fulfill one of the most wonderful and important things about being married, love and support in a time of your spouse's greatest need.

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Temper yourself in patience and understanding so that you can cultivate a caring touch.

I second BirdinFlight

Its good to see a person in as many different situations and under stress, etc, before you make a long term commitment. So watch and learn more about your fiancé.

If your fiancé's brother is in a life threatening situation, then yes it is proper to put everything else on hold. If it is very serious (ie parallized) it makes sense for it to consume everything for a period, perhaps a few weeks, but then your fiancé should start to pick up your own life's again.

A lot depends on how close they were as well.