I don't want to go backward

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So for the past three years I have been working at an assisted living facility. One where the boss, is nice to your face, but is crooked as they get. There are a lot of things going on of questionable legality. Mostly concerning staff and pay role. My mom is sick of seeing me being taking advantage of and is urging me to turn the b***h in.

Problem is she has a mole in the system. Last time she had a 'surprise' inspection she knew about it before hand. And I think the only reason the place passes its usual inspection is because money has changed hands. So if I turn her in I stand a very good chance of getting fired.

To be honest if I go both to the ombudsman and the source that was suggested by a former employee I could probably shut the joint down. Still it would leave me unemployed. I have been looking for another job, but there are none in town. And I don't have a car to look further, I can't afford one (Remember the pay role issues? Yeah...)

My mom is really pushing for me to turn the b***h in and move back home until I get on my feet. I have autism and couldn't live on my own until my late 20's. I really don't want to move backwards.

This isn't how it is suppose to be. I'll be 32 this month. I should be married, but I haven't had a date in over a year, not for lack of looking. I should have a stable job. I should have kids. I want all those things! But instead of moving forward I feel like I am moving backward.

I really don't want to move back in with my mom, adult hood was so hard earned. But it's starting to loook like I have no choice. I can't continue to look the other way while my boss screws me, my coworkers, and out residents. But turning her in means giving up my independence. I don't know what to do.

Actually. That's wrong. I do know what to do. I'm afraid to do it. I'm afraid of going backward. I don't want to. I'm almost 32. I have little time to move forward. To find the husband. To have kids. If I go backward will I have time to go forward again before the clock runs out?

I sympathize with you, as that sounds like a horrible rock-and-a-hard-place position to be in. I can see how much you cherish your hard-won independence, yet morally you are desperate to put an end to wrong-doing.

This will sound like weirdly shallow advice, but it's one tiny thing that may shed a whole lot of light on what is more important for you yourself right now. Flip a coin! I know, it's stupid, right? But try it just as one little thing to try, as an indicator of where your stronger urge resides.

Take a coin, decide that heads and tails are your two options of blowing the whistle and losing your independence, or keeping quiet and keeping it. Pick one to represent each.

When you flip the coin and get the result, take note of how disappointed you feel (or NOT!) with the result.

If the coin comes down and you feel even a little bit more "Yes! That's what I'll do!" or a little bit more: "Crap....but I don't want that..." then you may be closer to knowing which decision you may want to take.

Now, I'm not advising you to base major life decisions on coin flips! What I'm suggesting is a little thing that can sometimes give you a psychological snapshot of how you really feel, when faced with a decision that feels impossible to decide.

Don't base your ultimate decision on the result of the coin flip.

Just do the coin flip to get the quick snapshot of how uncomfortable, reluctant, or bummed you are when it comes down on one option/choice rather than the other.

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That's a really sh!tty spot to be in. I think one of the reasons your mom wants you to turn em in is because she knows they are screwing you over & feels that continuing to work there is holding you back from doing better with your life but she may not fully get how much you've been trying to do better while continuing to work there. If you weren't working there you'd have more time to look for a better job & if your mom has a car: you might be able to use that(or have her bring you) so you can have a farther distance in your employment search living at home.

Well that is the plan, have Mom drive me around until I can buy a car. Pay rent for my room. And I know she could use an extra hand on the farm full time, that smoke house is going to take two people to build.

But with the economy in the toilet lord knows how long it'll take to find another job. I have been looking. But the chicken factory is only hiring office jockeys with years experience and Walmart only hires part time seasonal help.

God only knows when I'd get back on my feet. And how would I afford a place. I was able to get my place dirt cheap because it had been empty for years and I'm pretty sure isn't up to code. (I was bought up impoverished and have lived in much worse. So lead paint and a leak they won't fix doesn't bother me.) I pay $375 a month, you can't find a house for that! You'd be hard pressed to find a studio apartment for less than $500. Even trailer parks aren't cheap, even if you own your own trailer lot rent is $200-300 a moth, and a new trailer can easily run you $50000 and most banks won't mortgage them.

So yeah, moving back would be easy and convenient, getting back on my feet is a different story.

Apply for a job in a bigger city. You can apply online and if they give you the job you can find an apartment there. And big cities have public transportation so you won't need a car. Also, there will be a bigger selection of men to choose from. But it sounds like it might not be a horrible idea to stay with your mom until you save up a little money.

Death would be preferable to living in a bigger city. I already loath the fact I can't have chickens here. My ideal home, the one I likely will never have, is out in the boondocks surrounded by woodlands. I want fruit trees and like to garden. The idea of milking goats is attractive too. I'd wither away and die in a hell hole like Atlanta where I couldn't see the stars at night or feel and see greenery.

Well at some point you will probably have to choose which things are most important, because you will probably not be able to have everything you want. You can't live out in the boondocks and have a better selection of jobs and men.

Well I made the phone call to the wages and payroll division of the labor board today. I got it a while ago from a former coworker who made a report against the boss a few months ago. I told him the problems had not been resolved as well as some over time I had that she made disappear. He gave me the number to call to file a separate complaint.

I'll have to do that next week, ad well as try to find the other department to report my other compaints. I plan to talk to the ombudsman about concerns about the care they receive, he'll probably know who I need to call.