I'm too mentally unstable to be happy.

Post Reply New Topic

My constant mood swings,my low self-esteeem and my AS will keep me from finding true happiness,right now i don't give a f**k if i die or not,i'm just so sad it ain't even funny,i am incapable of loving ANYONE or ANYTHING,so i'll probably just forget anything i wnat,including the new gaming PC,so right now i intend to live and die without a purpose,now i hate god even more than ever because of this damned AS,so now i dunno what i'm going to do.....

I feel the same way about wanting a laptop computer, because I'll never get one.

Sorry, I really never know what to say to you or others that come here. I doubt this will be of much help, maybe, I don't know.

"My constant mood swings,my low self-esteeem and my AS"

I know those very well, I have known them very well all my life. Yet some how, I have managed to find a way to what I call happy. Might not be to someone else, but I like it on the whole. You know somethings that many of us don't. I know waiting is hard, at some point you'll find a way to put to use the things you know well. They'll just fit, I don't know where. I used to play stratgy war games, a lot. I got good at them. A gaming company took notice and asked if I would do some things for them, set up some scenarios. I declined, but for reasons that I knew I couldn't stick to what they wanted for the long haul. I'm not saying that will happen to you. What I am saying is we were born thinking differently, we have things that we see others don't. It's up to us to find our little niches in life and when we do, we can't be beat. Like Piccard says,"make it so".

What kind of laptop?

I'm thinking about buying one of these

http://cgi.ebay.com/IBM-THINKPAD-LAPTOP ... dZViewItem

If you are savvy with old computers it could be a good fit for you.

Here's something that is much faster if you need the internet or more modern apps.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Dell-Latitude-c400- ... dZViewItem

I'm not suggesting you get these specific things, I'm just showing you what's out there.

moodswings and low self-esteem...I can relate to those...I'm not sure if I can say anything helpful....but...just wanted to share some thoughts...

when you feel like you don't want to go on...please try to remember the happy moments and good things in life...
It's not easy...life is like a constant wearing away...this endless hurting and continuous struggle...painful...exhausting and laborsome...but don't forget the good things..the things we can be thankful about...because...it is by being thankful that we are able to bring in more positivity and goodness into our lives...

Life is good.....from a different point of view...
Life is not supposed to be big or perfect...

I used to think I should be perfect and great, but after a lot of disappointments and failures, I came to acknowledge that I am an imperfect being, unimportant to others but important to a few people and God, poor at social skills but overall a being OK to exist...although this might not be relevant to what you are going through, I just wanted to share a part of my realization.

It will ease out once you're out of your teens.

Failures.

I have had a lot. Finally one day I decided to look at it another way. Sure I didn't get a degree that one time (actually 3) I had failed to make the goal. Hey wait a minute I thought, maybe I didn't get the goal, but I learned something along the way. So did I fail? Nope, every small step adds to the bigger picture. I feel a lot better looking at my past like this. It's important for me to feel like this, it is a healthy. If I'm not healthy in my mind, I have set myself up for worse things to come for my next step forward.

I think that's a good way of looking at failures....thanks!

Excellent advice. I sometimes torture myself with the "shoulda, coulda, wounda" scenarios and failures, but it only effects the present if I let the memory of it drag me down. What doesn't destroy me only makes me stronger. I sometimes repeat the phrase "I refuse to be defeated by life" when the past starts to get me down. I also consciously direct my thoughts to the lessons learned and what I can do better in the future -- like manage stress or ask for help or at least attempt to communicate.

Lately, I've been replaying a scene from ER in my mind. Forrest Whitaker was playing a guy at the end of his rope. All the doctor could say was "Things can get better." I think that's all you really can say. You can't change what happens around you; you can only change your reaction to them. Take care of yourself, stop beating yourself up, and things will get better.

I hate god for doing this to me too, which dosn't go down to well when the people in my house are obsessed christians trying to push him on me.

Surely they ought to appreciate your honesty about your views of God?