Worst meltdown in a while...:(

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I had a really bad meltdown last night....my day had taken a turn for the worst, and when I got back to my room, I typed up that one angry post in The Haven, and then I started rocking back and forth sitting up on my bed...slowly at first, then faster....I started crying, which turned into sobbing, and then hyperventilating. I kept sobbing and shuddering and making these little sort of "barking" noises like "Wuh, wuh, wuh"...I had no control over it. I wanted to stop because I was afraid I wasn't getting enough oxygen, but I couldn't. This is the part that is really embarrassing, but I was so desperate to stop crying, shuddering and "barking" that I sucked my thumb a little bit....I literally haven't done that in forever, I promise, and I'll never do it again...I know that only little kids and babies do that. At the time, though, I just wanted someone to hold me and rub my back and rock me and tell me that I was okay, and that it would be okay. I was in my dorm room by myself and my roommate was at home (which I was grateful for, I probably would have scared her to death and made her want to move out immediately), so I didn't have anybody there except my stuffed animals....I love them so much....they're the only ones that have never disappointed me or let me down or hurt me at all. They're like my only friends. I really wanted someone to be there for me, but then I was scared for anyone to see me that way.

Anyway, this went on for about an hour, and then I ate something, which helped a lot...maybe I was hungry and hadn't realized it, and my blood sugar was low or something....I just haven't melted down that bad in a long time. I don't really know what the trigger was. I'm just glad it's over now.

You made me want to cry for you there. I had one myself yesterday morning. Got on my tablet device to do what I always do with it and the settings and internet on it had been changed. I ended up sitting with my sewing machines in the closet rocking and even hugging a sewing machine after crying for a while. I had an intense urge to slam my forehead on the headboard of the bed but didn't, smacked my head with my palm instead. Still aching over the change today but am trying not to think about it. I can't figure out how to make the internet thing on my tablet go back to the way it was but I am tolerating it today, that it's not going to be the same again. It doesn't feel right and it feels like I am sad when I go to do something on it out of habit and it doesn't work that way anymore. I was imaging someone comforting me, but I got more comfort out of my sewing machine. I'm sorry that happened to you.

That's not awful.

I mean, I know it feels awful. Hurts and sucks and is awful.

But it's not shocking or terrible or horrible, doesn't reflect badly on you.

My uncle is in his 60s and hasn't ever been diagnosed with anything (other than maybe being a materialistic jackass). His wife says sometimes he still sucks his thumb.

There is effing nothing wrong with rocking and crying. I don't care WHAT noises you make. Not everybody cries pretty. I don't. I don't know anyone who always cries pretty. I still cry for my dad like a lost three-year-old. Shaking and sobbing and wailing, "I want my Daaaaaaddy!! !"

If that makes your roommate freak out and want to move immediately, your roommate needs to put on some effing grown-up panties and come to terms with the fact that life isn't a succession of movie moments.

One of my really bad ones was quite a while ago, over similar stuff as yours. It took two or three days to where it didn't come back and I could get back to my normal. Maybe it will subside for you tomorrow but I find the worst ones have a sort of cleansing effect. Maybe you have the same experience. They feel like being electrocuted or something and are horrible, but afterwards you feel less "congested" or overloaded?

Oh, OP, I feel for you.

I had a bad one like that a few months ago. Sobbing and crying and hyperventilating. And like QuiversWhiskers, it took a couple of days for the "waterworks" to settle down where I wouldn't have another (less severe) crying spell like aftershocks after an earthquake.

Reading your post, I wanted to reach out and grab a stuffie and hold it close, too!

I hope you are feeling better today.