anyone have the same problem?

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yeah, my social skills aren't the best one in town...

I seem to be not so fluent in keeping boundaries...It's not that I don't want to but sometimes I fail to keep the subtle social balance. Reaching out to people without skills and tacts brings about more rejection expriences and awkward social moments...

You see, most of the time I'm just trying to be kind and responsive, because it's in my nature to want to be helpful -although I admit not in the most effective way- and sometimes guys think I am interested in them in a way I am NOT. Or sometimes it feels like I am repelling people the harder I try...

How do you be kind, responsive and helpful and at the same time keep appropriate boundaries? How do you reach out and interact with people in a balanced way without being blunt or intrusive or off the wall?

I think to some degree this is related to my low self-esteem. But really, that is not the way I wish to present myself. I am a person with dignity and I am worthy and valuable. I am important and precious as a human being, just as everyone else is. I wish I could learn the tact and skill of being a dignified, stable presence... to add on to that, I wish to be a sensitive and sophisticated presence...

It must be very frustrating to have your intentions misunderstood in this way! It seems hard that someone can not be kind without this being construed by arrogant men as attraction. Keeping appropriate boundaries without becoming too aloof can be difficult for all of us, I guess.

Thanks Alexanderthesolitairy! I admit that I make the same mistake sometimes...I misinterpret people's intentions too...And out of my desire to connect or escape my loneliness, I can be sometimes too eager to become friends with people...and then get frustrated because people respond in a different way than I expected or intended...I guess building up social skills is a constant learning process.

You are welcome. I just sympathised - even though the details of your situation are not that similar to mine. I hope you keep learning!

Can I ask you what your situation is like? Is it easier for you to find the balance and not repel people or induce unwanted attraction? Of course, you don't have to answer if you don't want to...

I do not usually repel people that much, though some experiences in the past have been different. And I do not generally receive any indication that there is either unwanted or wanted attraction for me. (Just to clarify, you were speaking of unwanted attentions directed at me, perhaps specifically because of misread signals that I might have inadvertently sent out, were you not?).

I generally try to be agreeable and considerate. So far this has not been misinterpreted as attraction. One time in the past I did feel attraction for someone and I was rather too obvious, leaving me open for ridicule and manipulation. More recently I have been able to continue friendship with someone to whom I am attracted, but I did not really confess my feelings for her and subsequently, after it dragging on for months (though it has been years in other instances) I found out from my mother that she has a boyfriend, so that it would now be wrong to tell her (except perhaps years down the track, after - and if - I am over her, when perhaps we might be able to laugh over it together - hopefully). I can still talk to her (we have a common interest in history) as a friend, enjoying her company and I do not think it is too obvious that I am obsessed about her. It is usually when I am alone that I have problems stopping thinking about her.

Completely different situation, as I said. Have you tried explaining to mistaken males the difference between friendship and courtship? Of course friendship is essential to lasting romance, but it should not conversely be assumed that any kindness or courtesy is an expression of romantic interest. Hopefully they will get it.