I seriously hate everything

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I am just so sick of life. I am sick of remembering how I've failed at everything I've ever tried to do. I'm sick of people not liking me just because I'm weird. I'm sick of sitting in this stupid car taking to myself about my pointless life. I'm sick of getting attached to people who couldn't care less about me. I'm sick of feeling trapped, like my only option is to keep on going through the motions and pretending I like existing.

And I'm sick of being alone. I hate it so much.

Nothing is quite like a vent... your cross country move to a new environment will be a change in a positive direction.

There is no 'like button'. If there was, I'd have clicked it.

You're still a young guy; you haven't failed at anything yet.

I'm sorry if you're feeling like this. I know how you feel when people just look down at you like you're something else. Doesn't help if you have a family that doesn't understand the way how you act, and think. But carry on, its good that you said that you'll just carry on the motions. When most people aspie, or not, are feeling awful. they just deal with all the BS in life. Express your inner emotions , just don't quit at life yet my friend.

There is one certain thing: moods always change. However dark your mood is, it will change. It may change back and to and fro, but no mood lasts indefinitely. Sometimes these darkest moods set us off on new paths of discovery. I hope this may happen for you, though it may not. Meantime, stay in touch with your friends here.

I failed at making any real friends my whole life. I failed to realize that the girl I was obsessed with was just using me for over 2 years. I failed out of college. I failed to meet anyone's expectations, including my own. I probably have a near-genius or genius IQ, and yet here I am, working at some random wood shop in Idaho, failing to pay off the student loans that I took out for nothing anyway. And I'm not even sure if I'm actually autistic, or just a loser with absolutely no explanation for these failures other than laziness.

That's most likely some really good quality standards thing you have there that's just waiting to be utilized.

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know many other aspies online who dropped out of college. you are not the only one.

I got my degree in biology and still couldnt find a job because the interviewers thought I was too weird, or I would say the wrong thing.

OP, seemed to me, there's a lot of anger underlying what you wrote, for a lot of reasons, and it's probably blurring your vision right now. It's good I think to feel that anger - better than the alternative, being depressed - because anger is a more energizing experience. But anger, unprocessed, is also a heavy load to carry around, and unexpressed, tends to turn in on the self as self-hatred. Does this make any sense to you?

If it does, the next question is: how are you going to deal with it?

Well you're right about the anger. I feel so angry. I keep fantasizing about hurting people (myself included). But I can't do anything about it, it just stays inside.

How am I going to deal with it? I really want to hurt myself, I've done it before. I know that's not the best way to deal with it. I called a psychological/behavioral health clinic this morning to ask if they have evening appointments. She says there is one counselor who may have their 5 pm time open. She hasn't called back yet. If that doesn't work out then I don't know.

Good for you!! !

Meanwhile, let's consider the physical effects of stored up anger - it tends to be held in the face, shoulders scalp and arms particularly as muscular tension. Close your eyes for a minute or two and see if you can identify the tension in those or other areas. There are lots of ways to release that, and you will feel better if you do this. Some ideas:

warm bath, let your mind drift and dream of pleasant things
massage - full or just a head massage
progressive relaxation (look up on the net if you are unfamiliar with this, it's the most effective for me)
exercise (works for some, not all - depends if you are a physical sort of person)
bashing a sturdy fence with a piece of rubber hose while thinking about people who have hurt you (makes a very satisfying sound)
chucking out and ripping up things that only remind you of bad times in the past
writing it out
stamping your feet and ranting for two minutes (do this in isolation though!)

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself something enjoyable -favourite food, or whatever would make you feel cared about today.

I like that Ralph Waldo Emerson quote:

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."

Life is truly like a punching bag--ever notice how the punching bag always gets up after you pummel it?

At least, Mr. Holmes, you're working somewhere.

Thomas Edison, along with many of his co-inventionists over in Menlo Park, failed, failed, and failed some more until they finally got around to inventing the lightbulb.

Did Edison do that? Check out Tesla, I think Edison may have patented it rather than invented the lightbulb, something fishy went on anyway that has been covered up and glossed over in the decades since...

That's always possible.

Yes, I just checked that out. It wasn't Edison. He seems to have been given considerable credit as being the inventor of things that others actually invented. He did invent a lot of things also.

http://jawadonweb.com/?page_id=900 "9 Things that Edison Didn't Invent"