My Heart had closed towards love and society.

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I'm just not the sweet, vulnerable Swinger that I once was. I used to enjoy male attention and now I can't seem to develope any tender feelings for any of the guys that I talk to and hang out with. I like them as friends, but I've lost my Mojo or my spark. I also used to care about my place in society. I used to care enough to dress in 60s Mod fashion and modify my accent, enough that I was suitable for society. I couldn't sound Canadian but I did manage to sound like I was from the BBC. Now I've stopped carring to the point that I let my God-given Cockney accent really show. I was toying around with the idea of becomming a gentle, loving Flower Child just two days after New Years Day. I was going to do volunteer work at a church or a soup kitchen. I've gone in the opposite direction, at almost the same time. My vulnerable side had ceased to exist and my rebellious side had taken over. I used to be a tender and vulnerable Swinger and now I'm a rebellious Punk Rocker. Do you guys love me as I am, or do you want the old CockneyRebel back?

As long as you keep coming back, you can be whomever you want to be, dear.

cockney we can tell you who you can be a million times over but you're the one who's going to have to do the deciding a million times over...be whoever you feel fit to be.

Cockney, we're never the same as we were. As people, we gain experience, change, grow. You're fine as you are, and you'll be fine as whatever you become.

I was worried that my change might have been a sign of depression, but I seem happy enough, not to be depressed.

I also still love all of you. I'm just afraid that I will never get horny, again.

I've also decided that I'm fine as I am, right now.

Society has screwed me over so many times, that I just don't seem to care, anymore. I don't get in any trouble with the law or my fellow human beings, though.

It is just a seasonal thing. Do one thing, it gets used up, try harder, it takes the joy out. It is the way we are, to change, rest, gather energy, save and store, then get down and buggie for a while.

When every moment is a peak moment, there are no peak moments.

Cockney Punk Rocker? And this too shall pass.

Keep volunteer work in mind. Life is hard on all of us, we feel it, but others have it worse, and you can help.

The BBC accent is scarey. BBCRebel does not work.

Just be who you want to be. Any further advice would be a bit redundant.

But I liked him.

I liked it when you posted a lot.

When I mention love, I don't mean love for mankind. I mean the ability to fall in love with a man. I doubt that I was very clear in my first post. A lot of that could also be my experience with my stern father, growing up.

I wonder if my Depression might have come back?