I am going to be honest here.

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I'll cut out the drama and get right to the point.

I am an attention whore. I do not like being alone with my own thoughts for long periods of time. And I feel guilty when I manufacture drama to get attention, so I might as well stop taking that route.

I feel an intense spiritual sting, and I know that the healing has to come from within myself. Yet I crave a never-ending stream of external validation, and I know that is not the healthiest way of going about my recovery.

I could blame the fact that I received pretty much no positive validation while I was a child, but that would be a BS line of thinking. I am a grown man now, and I have built myself up, and I have learned to make my Aspie symptoms work for me in my line of employment. I have a solid support circle. I want to stop feeling parasitic and become more reliant on my own inner strength than to look for more and more external validation.

So, there you have it. My dilemma. Lovely, isn't it?

Negative labels are not useful to you or anyone else. You are likely an extrovert on the AS spectrum who (surprise) has social difficulties. You struggle with getting your needs met, maybe even afraid of trying honestly to meet your needs fearing rejection and losing those social connections entirely. Rather than calling yourself negative things and being ashamed of your social needs, try talking about it constructively without the emotional BS to someone intelligent and trained in appropriate human interaction.

KL, at least you're trying to be honest about your problems. Many people never get to that point, and spend their lives in denial. Talk to your therapist, your AA buddies, anybody you know who can lend an ear. Somewhere there's a solution. The negativity may be due to a chemical imbalance, I know that when I started to take antipsychotics that my negativity went way down.

OK, I was put on a new medication about a month ago. Since then, I have felt a combination of zen-like acceptance of a deep depression, and a constant mental and spiritual fatigue. In the meanwhile, I am putting on a positive face in my real-world situation, ditching the role of the perpetual victim and doing the best that I can to be the best man I can be.

I just left a message with my psychiatrist concerning the new medication's possible effects on my well-being. I also left messages for my therapist and my sponsor.

I will get through this. Eventually. I have to work at it, and I really would rather work at getting out of this pit than to remain within it.

Doing something productive is a useful way to get your mind off yourself. I do not know your schedule or living arrangements. I can tell you what helps me get my focus off my problems with hating everyone.

yard work, fixing things, organizing cluttered spaces, washing vehicles outside and inside, sharpening & cleaning muck/rust off my tools, sometimes I exercise to positive songs with upbeat messages, like Flo Rida's song Good Feeling

http://music.famousfix.com/tpx_7755445/good-feeling/