it's only getting worse

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This will probably be my longest post ever so if you're impatient I understand.

Over time I've noticed that I am actually getting more sensitive to criticism. I would've thought that eventually more criticism would desensitize me to it, but it's been just the opposite. The next person who tells me to just get over it will wind up with a half-kilo block of elemental sodium shoved up their ass.

My life keeps getting worse. I had a very bad day today. I go back to school after a horribly boring spring break at my parent's house and spend all of my time between classes trying to get my laptop's internet fixed because they changed the wireless provider at the school over spring break and something made my computer incompatible with the new system. I wanted to get back on WP after being stuck for over a week without internet access at my parent's house. Then when I finally got my computer working I checked my e-mails. I opened an e-mail to see that I was rejected admission into the residence house I wanted to live in next year. A couple weeks ago I applied to a special residence house at my school that is for a few foreign language students to live in together so that they can learn the language better. Admission to the house was based on two things: academic performance in the class and by the instructor's judgement about the applicants personalities. I am the top student in that class, which means that the professor has a very low opinion of my personality. That hurt. And now it means that I will have to mess with gettng a roommate for next year (my college requires residency in the residence halls in the freshman and sophomore years, this residence house was the only exception) but we are supposed to choose our roommate for next year. I have absolutely no friends, I hate living in the dorm, and it will be a very awkward process now because no one will want to be my roommate. I was stressed out so I have been very lethargic today, then when I was out for something to eat a girl actually singled me out to say hi to me. I f****d up the response to that badly because I was surprised and dead out of energy. I don't like opening up like this but I feel like I'll explode if I don't tell someone about how bad my life is right now. WP's haven seems like a good place.

One thing that struck me right away is that your professor may not have a low opinion of your personality, but rather of your being able to fit in well with others that were selected.

Is it possible to get a single? Another possibility is to get a psychiatrist to write a recommendation that you effectively NEED to have your own space. Schools have to make reasonable accomodations. An institution never really means no exceptions - there are always ways around - you just have to have the right cards in hand.

Sorry to hear you are struggling... I know how the prospect of sharing can be, though I was a mature student so never went into anything shared in the sense of a room, but even a shared house can be hellish with all the aspie sensitivities. I am not sure you would have been turned down on the basis of a poor personality, I think that is your low self esteem and depression speaking at the moment... I always think the worst when I am already feeling down. There are a multitude of possible reasons...is there anyway you could ask and find out? It might put your mind at rest in some way.

I would have thought that being aspie, there would be some option to get accommodations alone?
Either way, yes, a combination of things can really add up and leave you feeling totally weighted down. It is good you can post here.

Welcome to aspie world, top grades, no promotion.

Some negative things are actually "accumulitive",they add(or it feels like they actually multiply)past negatives and become ingrained in your brain.This should be a way for us to learn so that behavior is not repeated....ie...the stove is hot,do not touch.
The problem in many negative experiences is that they are beyond our ability to control(other people)or avoid(other people).

It sucks that things didnt work out as you had hoped.My dorm experience was......My first two roommates moved out within a few days.....yeah.My next roommate was a fellow "freak",who I liked but eventually flunked out.I spent the rest of the year with a room to myself but often spent my time in my boyfriends room(his roommate flunked out too).So,the up side to being aspie...sometimes we get our solitude without doing anything more then being ourselves.(i was the only girl on my floor who didnt order the floor Tshirt,which said....."come get smurfed on third floor"with a picture of a smurf...not having the Tshirt is my only regret....good times.No matter the draw backs,college is 100% better then the nightmare called Highschool.

Can you request roommates? If so, can you and a fellow ASpie request to be together?

While I never lived in a dorm, I did have many roommates in various apartments over the years. The one that lasted the longest and worked out the best was on the spectrum.

Criticisms can desensitize you if you have the right mentality through it. But if your already beating yourself then it only adds more pain, but youve got to learn to ignore it. You have to be realistic, what would it take for you to live or change without the problems your facing now? If you cant change them, then why kick yourself over it.

First off thank you all for the support. I'll try to clear some things up. My first message was a mess.

I am not sure if there are any other Aspies in my dorm. If there are none of them are open about it and they hide it well.



I don't mind living with a roommate, my issue is the requesting of roommates beforehand, that's not easy for a friendless aspie. My school has a policy about having to live with a roommate in one of the dorms for the first two years here, something about them believing that everyone should have that experience.



You can't always ignore it. Sometimes you are expected to respond, and when I do I have a tendency to respond sharply and viciously. People call it an overreaction. I can't change it, but I still hate living this way.

Thats true, but to let it bother you is not good. What type of stuff is being criticized that makes you react?