When the victim is looked upon as the perpetrator.

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My family is thinking of me as being the lowest of the low, because they feel I am being merely vindictive, and they feel like I am making up stories for the sole purpose of testing the family apart.

All of this, just because I told the truth that my aunt and her husband are child molesters, and I was one of their victims.

Of course, this couple now has unrestricted access to their very young grandchildren, and I am the only person that sees anything wrong with that situation at all.

I need a new family.

Another thing that is annoying me - a friend of mine is going to serve a couple of years in prison over consensual sex with another adult that happened to be in a public restroom. Never mind that there were no kids around, he's serving time and he has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

Then there is my family, who will never have to come to terms with the consequences of their actions, which include generations of child beating, child molestation, child rape, child neglect, child abuse in every imaginable flavor, etc.

This is so not f*****g fair. This is f*****g sickening. This is f*****g disgusting. My family deserves to be executed over all the BS they did throughout every generation, and yet my friend is the one who gets labelled as a registered sex offender, and my friend is the one who has to carry a stigma while my family gets to keep on putting up a "normal" face for the world around them. And I am the "evil" one because I am not playing into that BS, and I am doing what I can to make sure that the generations of abuse and denial stop with my chain in the bloodline.

I f*****g hate my family. You all know that already. Some people tell me that I should have empathy for them because they are clearly very unhappy people. Yet, I believe that if they are so unhappy that they have to act out in the ways that they do, they should be euthanized for their own good and for the good of mankind.

Seriously, my grandmother often says that her proudest moments of parenting where when she brutally beat my mother and her sister up over minor things WHEN THEY WERE LESS THAN FIVE YEARS OF AGE, for crying out loud. She says all of this while frowning and lamenting that beating ones children over something simple as not getting the cleaning done well enough for her standards is now looked upon by society as being wrong.

And my mother says I am being "too judgemental" when I point out how f**ked-up that is. Yeah, my mother is a liberal who often claims that she judges nobody at all - even though she totally judges anybody who disagrees with her views of looking at the world. She often said that child molesters deserved the death penalty - that was, until she heard I was molested and raped repeatedly. Now she changed her tune to, "You shouldn't judge the people who molested and raped you. You should love them, because as long as you hate them, you are letting them have power over you, and it proves how unhealthy and negative you are."

To that, I feel like saying the following - f**k you, mother. f**k you and your claims that I should be non-judgemental against my abusers. f**k you and your claims that I should be grateful, because other children are being anally penetrated before being tortured to death, so that means I should thank my aunt and uncle for not being quite that bad. f**k you for saying that I have no right to be depressed or angry. I have a right to every thought, feeling and opinion that I have, and I take offence to you pulling out your measuring stick and telling me that virtually everybody else in the world has it worse off than I do. Yeah, many people have it worse off, but you are the only one who wants to turn this into a goddamned competition. you f*****g worthless c**t.

Need I mention that my mother was one of my molesters? She always groped me when I was a child, and she laughed at me when I told her I wanted her to stop feeling up my ass every chance she got. She thought the fact that it made me uncomfortable was motivation for her to do it far more often, actually, just so she could laugh and giggle at my reactions.

I am a human being, and I DEMAND TO BE RESPECTED AS SUCH. And if my family wants to deny me any shred of basic human dignity, then those ties need to be severed clean. I've tried that a few times before, and that usually ends up with my mother and grandmother pounding at my door until I let them in so they can start to cry and tell me how much I am hurting them.

How much I am hurting them. Yes, really. Because how they have damaged me is not worth mentioning in their fragile little minds. My mother let my siblings brutally beat me in front of her, and she laughed about how I let it happen, even though she did often tell me that if I ever raised my hand against my siblings, she would happily drive me to juvenile hall where I would be sodomized and beaten every night, and that would be all my fault. So, that is why I just let the beatings happen, because I knew if I tried to fight back or defend myself, I would end up in juvenile hall.

I was always treated by my family as being the lowest of the f*****g low. Well, f**k that s**t. I did not need to grow up with adults who treated me like a surrogate lover one second, a goddamned infant the next second, and a punching bag the next second - all of this when I was just a f*****g child.

I am transcending the plague that is my very bloodline, and the other members of my very bloodline are fighting back. I am not as easy to manipulate as I used to be. I no longer buy it when my mother claims, "Oh, but you have cognitive disabilities, so that means your opinions are completely unreal." f**k it, I've had testing done that proves that I am devoid of cognitive and intellectual disability. I have an IQ that is close to 170. I could probably join Mensa if I really wanted to. She kept me under my thumb for so very long by pervasively reassuring me that I would never be a capable adult. And she is pulling those same tricks out more aggressively now that I have found some solid sobriety and now that I am assuring the world and myself that I deserve to be respected as a human being.

And now my mother is telling me that I am too stupid to be a part-time student. She really does not want me taking college courses, for obvious reasons, because if I did and if I succeeded (which is going to happen, and success is an absolute certaintly), it would shatter her illusions of who I am and what I am standing for.

I stand for an end of domestic violence. I stand for an end of child abuse. I stand for myself, and I do not stand for the people who want to cut me down below their level. I have Asperger syndrome. I have a schizo-affective disorder. I have severe PTSD. I am an alcoholic and a pornography addict. And I am worth far more than what my family puts me out as being. I am worth far more than anybody who gets their kicks by cutting down somebody who they see as an easy target. Yes, I was an easy target for most of my life, and my family hates it now that I refuse to play that role for them any longer.

OK, this ranting and raving has to end eventually.

This is my life. I am going to live it however the f**k I want to live it. My bloodline be damned, for there will come a point where the PTSD won't matter any more for me, and when that point is reached, I will truly be free from their toxic influence.