Autism Initiatives & I? *PLEASE READ*

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Right. So this is the company that was supporting me, and I lost the women named Sara and Joanna.

I've just gotten out of jail, because I've never got over losing them and a lot of bad things have happened and the law has me shafted. Seems funny how the boss is sending me a letter re: my support. Does she feel guilty or something? My flat is also away, courtesy of the boss as well. I don't even know who's still working in outreach, but I feel as if my life has been a waste.

My mother reckons I need to forget them all and move on. It's just a shame this all happened anyways. My mother's house however, well it's a dump.

A little better than jail, right?

Let it go

I'm aware that this thread is old, but why open up another thread about the same things?

Well anyway, I have a supervision officer who has to write up a report for the court. Right? Some people refer to them as a probation officer. Well, I don't really trust him. What would appropriate subjects be okay to talk about?

He will be monitoring me until late next year, so I'd have to watch what I say. Are you aware of their position and what their responsibilities are? Unfortunately, I still feel annoyed about losing my accommodation and the support workers. He'll be aware of that from the way I go on about them all the time, obviously. Yet he's still a snitch, and so what should I say? Should I just tell him anything he wants to hear?

Getting a non supported flat might be hard as I have a low income. The council won't pay all the rent for a disabled person if he or she doesn't even have any means of support, and private tenancies are hard to get into as well, since the landlords can charge a lot more than say, a council property. And I'm not sure how a criminal record would factor into all of this either, but I am not sure if they would delve into that. It could just be employers that act fishy. Don't quote me on this, though.

I may have to have support then. However, I'm a bit uncertain about whether they are trustworthy people, giving what happened with Autism Initiatives "initiating" all this BS. Yet if I had no help, then I'd be stuck. Huh?

There are always way too many "I"s and "me"s in your posts. You exude a lot of narcissism, self-pity and victim-playing.

I'm glad Sara and Joanna were able to get away from you because no-one should have to put up with being harassed. Secondly, and I hate to say it, you're getting what you deserve. Karma is a b----. If you disrespect people, don't expect not to get backlash for it.

You've shown no remorse for and you've taken no responsibility for what you did. It's always about you, and how evil and malicious everybody else is and how they've hurt you.

Get over yourself.

That's a rather melodramatic way of looking at things, is it not? 90% of the time when I got arrested and/or jailed, it was for apologies. So I'd say I do care about what happened, and was showing regret for what happened.

Besides, I was asking for advice here, not to receive yet another bollocking about the same stuff as before.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/autism-a ... s-now.html

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index ... heir-help/

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index ... itiatives/

And the other 10% was for...?

You were ordered never to talk to Sara and Joanna, were you not? "Apologising" to them breaches that. And yes, I put speech marks around "apologising" on purpose. You're not sorry for what you did to them, you're only sorry because you've had to go through all this.



What sort of advice were you asking for? The "feeling sorry for you, what evil malicious monsters those women are" pity party kind of advice?

Here's MY advice for you: Now that you're out of jail, don't do the same thing again. You wronged them and you were punished for it. That's how life works. Respect others, or face the consequences. It's over now, so build yourself a bridge and get over it.

Dude, you have your opinions and that's fine. If they had never lied to me then I would not have gotten upset. And what was the point in their bosses showing up in Saughton and admitting they never handled the matter correctly? People can be deeply affected by i.e jail time and I had no help in prison at all, because I quit my support with Autism Initiatives.

I spent my entire summer in jail with paedophiles and you don't even care. The flat and those workers was my lifeline so of course I feel bad about losing them and it would never have gotten so out of hand if they had approached the situation better instead of lying to sway my focus onto something else. Yet it was the agency's fault as well. As I keep saying.

If you don't care then don't reply because that is not why I posted again.

You might as well just put "me me me me me me me me me" in your posts and nothing else, because you only think about yourself, and how hard done by you are, and how everyone is being so mean and horrible to poor, innocent you. You were punished because you deserved to be punished, and you deserved to be punished because you did wrong.

It's clear you're not sorry for what you did because you say "I feel bad about losing them", not "I feel bad about what I did to them". I'm sorry, but I think you deserve what you got because it gave you a taste of how you made your caregivers feel when you harassed them, and what you may face if you don't treat people right. What's also clear is that you enjoy playing the victim and putting the blaming on the real victims. And if you want to do that I'm not about to stop you, just don't expect that that will earn you any support from anyone in real life or on this forum.

Mate, you do not have to quote a statement in its entirety each time a response is needed.

Anyway, if I did not regret what I did, why would I go through the bother of saying sorry, getting arrested by the pigs (and sleeping rough) and then being jailed by a judge? You have to give me credit for trying.

Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry I quoted your posts. What was I thinking? What on earth came over me? How COULD I forget how absolutely awful and offensive that is?

Oh and how could I forget there is no such thing as an ingenuine apology and that when someone says sorry it is certain that they always mean it?

[/sarcasm]

I am done.

To clarify any confusion, when I said their bosses were paying me a visit in jail, I was talking about the first time I was in jail, which was in July last year until in August of last year.

I ended my support last year and the trial ended in April. My tenancy ended in March after I was bribed. The court would not have allowed me to live there again anyway, but perhaps there was an appeal procedure. Joanna and Sara left in the summer.

I was fully committed in May for not complying with the court order. It was bugging me so all I did was send letters to Sara's boyfriend and he reported me. They fully committed me so the breach proceedings could be dealt with by the sheriff who gave me the order. It was nice of him to even give me that order, as the other judges are a***holes and they would have jailed me outright. Autism hardly matters to them.

It is sad, however. Caregivers get scared due to two basic text messages, assume I am a stalker because I would not be a good boy and fund their pay wages because that is all they were even talking to me for making them kind of fake, so I get left to rot over that? Couldn't they have nicely pointed out that they were just my carers and not go overreacting?

...I presume this is what you wanted me to reply to , Peter ?
With my limited computer time , I have never quite completely read all of the threadfs (manyy?? now closed , though I suppose they're somewhere down deep somewhere) describing the chronlology of what happened and the (declared by the court) offenses that got you sent up .
It seems , from what you say , that you didn't do anything violent , and catlover seems to be seizing upon the phrase " stalking " and commenting on you as if you did .
The whole matter with the now-departed caretaking company and the two females who you were defined a s stalking is over now ~ Isn't it ?

Yes. It is over for them, but I will play re-runs in my head of this forever more.

There was a time when Sara was special to me. The first shift we had was nice. She was walking with me once and wanted to smoke a cigarette, but I did not mind. Shame on me. And the time we went to a bike shop or that last shift where we did baking. Yeah, Sara was a sweet Spanish pal, but nobody will remember any of the good times any more, least of all Sara and Joanna. All of the good times we had amount to me being a con in a prison hall full of protected perverts. And all my lawyer said about me being called a sex offender was that it was a mistake. Really?

So I got lied to, yes? And I snapped, yes? What else did I feel? Lonely, fed up and also very much betrayed. Keep in mind, they had a male worker emailing me abuse under a false name, annoying me over my teenage sweetheart who also abused me, yet everybody overlooks that in favour of Sara and Joanna being victims of harassment, when I have already spewed my guts out on these forums for well over a year now, trying to justify that their higher-ups provoked me. There was actually years of chain events that made me snap. And through it all, no-one was there to help me. Time just made things get better.

And I was not disallowed support from the company, but giving all that occurred, I wouldn't go back to them ever again, even if I was used to them. Why the heck would anyone take anything to do with a company that continued to lie and land them in trouble?

Sadly, I won't get another flat unless it is supported. To delve into why it is hard would take too long. Basically, nobody wants people on benefits. Supported lets are different because the council will have agreed that that individual needs cared for. Now the odds of getting a non supported flat is just too low. With no income either, it is insane to apply for a flat, and you often have to bid for ages, possibly even for several years. So I was lucky to have that accommodation until all that carry on started up there.

And I could go to a different agency for help, but then it is largely the same setting. People you grow fond of do not stick around forever. Plus, my confidence and level of trust has disappeared. Yet it is hard doing everything alone. So I am in a dire situation either way I look at it.

One day, Autism Initiatives may truly see that they started something awful in my life, but I don't expect my life will reach the level of greatness I envisioned. Everything in life takes too much effort. It is just too stressful and I cannot be bothered trying any longer.

Every profession today is hard to get into unless you are really skilled and dating, work and support yields the same nasty characters who will continue to hurt me and say I am no good at anything I do.

OK.

You need to stop that.

Find a therapist. Seriously.

I know all about how re-runs going through the head work. I was raped repeatedly when I was a child. That was not my fault, but the re-runs kept running through my head. I used those re-runs as an excuse to keep medicating myself with drugs and alcohol. I used those re-runs as an excuse to act like a total c**t to the people around me. I used those re-runs in an attempt to absolve myself of all responsibility for my actions, even when they were extremely inexcusable.

This obsessive rage is going to eat you alive. Nothing is ever going to change in your life until you make a serious effort to let it go. You have already used this rage as an excuse which supposedly absolves you of all responsibility when it comes to the act of stalking other people. Nobody wants to find out what else your rage will enable you to pull off at this point.

Of course, it is comfortable to stay where you are. Growth is painful. Growth is frightening.

But ask yourself, what is more frightening? Taking a chance to grow up, or remaining where you are with the rage against Autism Initiatives for the rest of your life?

If you say the former is more frightening, there is nothing that anybody here or anywhere else can do for you.

Regardless, a company that lies cannot be depended upon to enhance my quality of life. It was not nice when Patrick emailed me abuse using an alias, nor was it nice to be lied to regarding Sara and Joanna. There was no point in the people in charge visiting me in prison, just to admit all too late they screwed up. There was fault on both sides. It hurts me that we will never likely make amends.

It has made me extra wary of trusting people. Yet as you can appreciate, we all need the added help.