Family Facebook Dilemma - help?

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I'm posting this in The Haven because it concerns my beliefs and they've been trampled here before. I guess I just need a bit of a shield. I hope it's the right place. I could really use some kind and straightforward advice.

I have a 2 Facebook accounts. One for family and one for friends - for the usual reasons. This is about my family, mostly Christian - hardcore, with missionaries and pastors, a few Catholic, but that's still within the realm of the Christ - we've a few Mormons, but again, they borrowed a lot from Christianity. So, there are maybe 5 Atheists among us (I have a hugely, large family so this is only about 3-4%). Mostly, we've been focusing on pictures and births, cute animals, gardens, what's for dinner stuff until recently. A 2nd cousin, who only came into the "group" within the last 3 months, asked me directly if he was going to Hell if he wasn't a Christian. He's a few years older than my 34-yr. old son and a new, new father.

I brushed over his question the first time he asked it but he asked it again, adding that he'd been asking that question for years and couldn't get a straight answer out of anyone - please, please. So, me being born and raised into the whole Christian experience, I was thinking this guy must be a complete idiot if he couldn't find the answer to his question. This one question is the basis for conversion, right? I quoted him the Bible verse every child learns in Sunday School that says, "...the wages of sin is death..." and said that yes, if he didn't freely accept the gift of Salvation that Jesus offered... yada, yada, yada. I don't want to proselytize, eh? Basically, I told him that the Bible says that he's going to Hell based on his current circumstances as he had laid them out.

It was a trap. His wife, mother and another 2 cousins (the only other Atheists) jumped all over me for daring to say he was going to Hell. They accused me of judging him! I was blown away. I had no idea I was being set up like that. (In hindsight, I feel like such an idiot) It got worse. They began to tear down everything about me - down to a molecular level, in front of my entire family who said nothing for two days...

I'm 52. I'm autistic. I've been torn down every which way a woman can be torn down and yet, here I still am, going pretty darned strong for all the crap I've been through. This kind of stuff usually doesn't affect me much anymore - I can't let it or I'll get sick. I didn't get upset and I didn't lie down. I very coolly responded to their insults with the most dead end kind of things I could think of; like adding gasoline to the fire.

He puffed up like a little cock and began to crow. He told about how smart he was. His IQ, what he has the potential to become because of his glorious IQ (142) He said he'd even passed the test for Mensa. He went on to explain what Mensa was and how exclusive it was... and that I should look it up because I seemed smart to him.

(I was actually invited to join Mensa in 1977)

He told me I was basically a delusional idiot and was seriously offended when I didn't turn away from "my stupidity" and join him in his quest to rid the World of religion.

So, I responded and commented (condescendingly - couldn't help it) on his illustrious level of intelligence, noting that IQ's over 130 are rather common in our family, and kinda pointed out what a fool he was being, and it's been going back and forth for two days now - more forth from him - I think I've wounded his manly pride more than once, but that was only because he started using the most vile and repulsive words he could think of. He's repeatedly characterized me as unworthy of existence. Whatever. I guess I haven't been sufficiently impressed enough to get him to stop. I haven't called him any names or shut down my FB page in a huff. It's almost amusing except that it's upsetting other relatives. Isn't this childish, or what? I'm thoroughly embarrassed for my part in it but I'm not sure what to do.

This is what he says about me being autistic.

"It all makes sense now..... After all, the basic definition of autistic might as well be the reading you would get if you visited a psychic.... "A pervasive developmental disorder characterized by severe deficits in social interaction and
communication, by an extremely limited range of activities and interests, and often by the presence of repetitive, stereotyped behaviors."

Everything you display in this email exchange or really anything you have said, is explained perfectly...... Now I just feel sorry for you. It was never a fair debate. You have some serious mental issues and probably quite a few emotional issues as well. I'm not sure now how I should explain this to someone with the level of mental retardation you may have...."

This is too far. I have a non-verbal, grand-nephew on the spectrum and his mother surely read that.

So, do I roll over and stop using my FB family page? That seems to be the only thing he'll be happy with. I'm resisting the ignore function and definitely not wanting to report him to FB, though he's threatened me with FB, his local sheriff and Homeland Security because he says I'm stalking him, when really, I'm just defending myself and repeatedly asking him to stop.

I've had some private support from a few family members (just today) but they all seem to be afraid of this kid. Fear is against my nature.

I don't know, maybe I'm too close and involved and being stupid about it.

Input?

Unfriend, block and ignore the little twerp -- and his mother and sister, too, if it comes to that. He asked what he knew to be a loaded question, and asked it of the one person he probably could predict that he could goad into answering just so he could have a little of what he thinks of as fun. The lot of them want attention, so don't give it to them and don't waste any more time or energy worrying about them. There's no reason to respond further. If anyone comments to you privately, just tell them you didn't think the situation was worth pursuing. Chances are, he's pulled this garbage with everyone else in the family already.

^^^ Agreed! Unfriend him and his co-horts. Don't shut down your account because of him. That gives him the 'win'. Also, delete all of these exchanges from your page, full stop. You don't need that drama. And forget trying to convince him to adopt religeon. He likely wont be ready till he's on his deathbed!

that is what the Block function is for on Facebook. You don't have to continue to be subject to his cruelty. Block any or all of them you want if they are going to act that way.

Remember, you do not HAVE to be friends with ANYONE on facebook, whether they are your relative or not. Let them think whatever they want to think, but let them think it far far far far far far away from you and the people you love.

I hope you can get the distance you need to have peace.

No point debating a lawnmower.

First tell the moron and his cohorts that Autism spectrum disorders are not retardation, although that is occasionally a co-morbid, just like with NTs. Then tell him you are not going to have any further contact with people who make a habit of making unfounded insults to other people, and that you will report him to FB if it continues online. Then unfriend and block these guys. You are under no obligation to have anyone, including any family member as an FB friend that you don't want. Also, don't take any calls or emails from them, either.

I do not share your religious views, but I don't run them down, either. I am an "I don't knower", with leanings towards intelligent design. I was raised Catholic, but by my teen years realized I didn't believe. I have three sibs. My sister is an atheist married to an atheist. My older brother is a born again, send everybody to Heller. My younger brother is also no longer Catholic. He believes in God, but doesn't practice any religion. My father is a non practising Catholic. I believe my step mom is also Catholic, and also not practising. My mother stayed a practising Catholic throughout her life. So my family is all over the map on religion. I'm the only one still talking to my sister. She had too many arguments with everyone else over religion and politics. Her political arguing is ironic, given that she refuses to vote. My view is that if you don't vote, then you don't have a right to complain. Most of the rest of the family also has a hard time with my older brother sending us all to Hell, but for some reason I am usually able to deal with him. Lately, though he has been hard for me to handle too, but for other reasons. His nutty wife is driving him crazy, so he has been acting kind of nutty towards the rest of the family. You think you've got problems? At least you aren't married to her!

Thanks for all the wonderful responses. In hindsight, I was too close to see the obvious. I did block him and his family. They're still sending messages in roundabout ways but nothing public so whatever.

Again, thanks.

This.

^Seconded.

People who start what amounts to a "flame war" over a loaded subject--I don't get it. Just looking for attention?

Also, rereading what you said to him, YOU DIDN'T REALLY SAY ANYTHING WRONG.



This is "according to the Bible." If he's an atheist, than that is (or should be) irrelevant to him. All he did was jump all over someone else's freedom of religion. IMO, he came out sounding like a real moron.

This is a classic example of how I get myself into trouble. Today, an older cousin (who's older brother is a raving, ex-patriot, draft dodging, atheist, communist) emailed me and was supportive as she told me she doesn't even try to talk to her brother anymore. He jumps all over anything she says. She explained some about frame of reference.

It was a nice email. I wish I had her kind of grace/tact but I think it's hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I miss things, especially when angry - and I was trying so hard not to be angry. Pft!

Conundrum - Thank you. I was very careful not to judge him and was being respectful of his right to be whatever the Hell he wants. I was just answering a question. I thought I was being so smart and avoiding some kind of trap by quoting the Bible and didn't realize that no matter what, my answer would be wrong. Hah! I thought family could be trusted, but this branch grew up on the East Coast and I'm West Coast. We're a little more laid back here, plus, the Christian scene I know is all about love and morals.

Another 2nd cousin (his 1st cousin) told me off and then blocked me. He told me I have a victim mentality. Well, duh! I'll own that. I'm 52 and have been an oddball ALL MY LIFE. I'm amazed at the number of people who have tried to victimize me. A number have succeeded but I'm pretty good at prevention. I don't think I'm paranoid though. I think people get embarrassed when I catch them and blow up-blame it on me. I hate to be wrong, too.

Sweet Pea hugs

In my experience, atheists or borderline atheists really, really, really like to play the "your judging" card. It gets really annoying because they go on about how Jesus hung out with sinners and didn't judge them.

Well, they forget that he wanted to get them to repent as well.

If I was asked that, I would say I don't know. Can anyone truly know they are saved? Can a man say "I love Jesus Christ and accept him as my savior" and then go rape and murder a person and get into heaven but a pious man who never knew Jesus go to hell?

Wow, i have to say, your 2nd cousin sounds very much the way some aspies can go. Who but an aspie would quote his iq as a conversation winner? Quite lacking in social skills if he's still on that line of reasoning at his age.

I always find it strange when someone says they're atheist and then proceed to dominate the conversation on talk of god.

Just ignore him. Or gain an enjoyment for winding him up. Stop letting him have the initiative though. You're not a victim, you're just being annoyed by an idiot. Why do you even listen to him? There's no one saying you even have to take part in the argument. Take the attitude that the whole situation is beneath you and leave it at that, and ignore what those other idiots think, the ones that are worth it are already on your side. I'd love to meet your 2nd cousin so i can sort him out! And by that i don't mean violence, i don't mean beating him in a verbal encounter, i mean just showing him just how much of a waste of space he is and showing you how to dismiss idiots the way they deserve dismissing. You have better things to think about!

Have you ever heard anyone say, " i won't dignify that with a reply" or something similar? Consider that, you're dignifying what he said with a reply when in all honesty he's just a kid of your sons age talking out of his arse.

Last edited by Timeconsumer on 05 Jun 2012, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I guess I don't talk to enough atheists to know what cards they play. It sure came out of the blue. Kinda sad because we're a fun family of cousins and now these cousins have deprived themselves of knowing the rest. They refer to us as "bloodsuckers" which is very curious because no one asked them for anything and only showed them love and kindness. I think their only legitimate complaint was that some family members post Bible verses or those sickening-cute little kid stories that are Bible related, and it offended them.

Issues...

Legitimate?!? I'm not sure that's the right word.

If you don't like something, don't read it.