My Pussycat of 20 years

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I'm devastated and heartbroken. My beautiful boy Charlie who is just short of his 20th birthday went out on Thursday morning and no one in the area has seen him since. We have lived alone in perfect harmony since I became his 3rd forever Dad and I have been vigilant in nursing him through kidney disease which he took 2 meds for. He wasn't showing signs of sudden illness but I believe he knew things were going to get tough and has taken himself off to save me from emotional breakdown. I rarely go out and he always knows I'm on hand.

I've searched, checked and logged his disappearance but I am having horrible thoughts that he has been mauled, stolen or thrown in the river etc., etc. I just wish I had his remains to have closure. I was preparing myself for 'the day' and who I could ask come help me if that time came, take me to the pet cremation place, where I would scatter his ashes but I feel I have let him down and abandoned him. He is my entire existence, he comes before everything. The longest we have ever been apart was for 24 hours when he was hospitalised with tonsilitis.

I'm raw with guilt and hurting.

wow that's really sad.
I feel heartbroken for you.
I hope you can find him.

I hope he is found safe.

Oh Comicruss, I am so sorry this has happened.

I am quite certain that those bad things you are imagining have not happened to your little companion, I believe that he will have found a safe, quiet, secluded place to rest and slip away peacefully in his sleep.
He must have been a tough cat, and wanted to maintain his outer image of strength.

Hugs to you.

20 years is amazing. Do you have a picture to share? Your love and nurturing and Charlie's affection for you kept you together far past average cat lifespan. I hope for a happy ending, but no matter what, it's clear that he was a happy cat.

This is one of the most painful experiences in life. I am very sad for your suffering and can relate to the terrible anguish you are going through. He may have collapsed suddenly under a building nearby. Cats of his age are very vulnerable to this happening, usually because of acute organ failure - sometimes kidneys, sometimes pancreas or another vital system. Our cats are mammals as we are and sadly, suffer from the same illnesses. Because of his age, it is more likely that he suffered an acute medical incident than the other alternatives that are tormenting you.


Cats know when you love them. You loved him so much and he knew. With every day that passes it is less likely that he will return - though not impossible - and the not knowing is terrible. This may be the hardest thing you ever face in your life; Charlie would not want you to suffer, because you filled his life and heart with your love. They are extremely emotional animals and they know things like this. Make a little shrine for him perhaps, in your room, in his favourite place, with his favourite things, photos, talk to him there, and let your tears flow, because this so sad and so special and so big a loss.

When they sense that their time is up, they try to make it to safe dark hidden places that are familiar to them, where are they are safe from any attack from other animals near their territory. They just know innately to do this. They are far wiser and attached to us than many people realise.

Your grief will change in time. It won't ever completely go away. In time the pain recedes a bit, and then you are able to cope again, though you never forget, never stop caring. That's the price of a love like this, and you really really loved him - and he you. Honour the love you gave him and remember his joy that came from that. I wish you peace.

Thank you all for your comforting messages of support, it means so much to me as I live alone and rarely see anyone else.

This is Charlie he was a kind, gentle thoughtful soul and I will miss him dearly.

I can see that he is a marvellous cat with great heart and soul. Beautiful face too. How you must love him. The love doesn't end. How old was he in this photo? He looks very well cared for. He knows you didn't abandon him.
And you didn't.

What a beautiful cat, with wise, all-seeing eyes. I'm so very sorry to hear about Charlie, and can only agree with all that B19 has said, with her instinctive kindness.

Grief is a healing process that can often last a lifetime. Yet it never manages to heal us completely: it always leaves a tiny part of the wound open, the part that is called love. Wounds have the right to remain open.

You and Charlie were very lucky to be together for so long.

Thanks again for the lovely words, Charlie was about 14 in the photo but was very camera shy, so hard to capture non-blurry.

I'm going to buy some flowers later to place where I think he has gone - thick inaccessible undergrowth. As time wears on I don't think he'll be coming home in body but I hope his spirit surrounds me.

You are all a lovely bunch thank you.

Very sad. I love cats too, especially tabbies.

Sorry to read this news, Russ. I love the picture of your cat.

Did you buy him the flowers yet? And maybe some for both of you, to place on his little shrine, where you go to be still with his spirit, or talk to him, or to revere and cherish the love, care, understanding, bond and comfort that grew so greatly between you and Charlie. The pain is not likely to diminish in these early weeks. That's not abnormal at all. Be extra kind to yourself - don't take on new demands nor tasks - get the sleep you need - and cry whenever the grief becomes too sharp to momentarily bear. Believe me, I and other people on WP do relate to your suffering as it has been our suffering too, when our beloved animals crossed the rainbow bridge. It someone had stuck a knife in my heart, it would have been less painful.

I hope it will be possible to find his body in time to come. It may not be. Yet I hope so, because bringing him home to prepare for cremation or burial is another way of honouring our beloved dead. I carefully wrapped my lovely orange boy in white silk-satin, he looked so peaceful by then, and had him cremated privately, so that ultimately his ashes - which are on his little shrine in a box at present - can one day be mixed, buried or scattered with mine. Like Charlie he was older male cat of advanced age who came into my life unexpectedly after leaving abusive owners at age 8. He was the best cat that ever chose to live with me.

Do what feels right for you to mark his death, in whatever form is most meaningful to both of you.

I hope this helps in some way and send you wishes that you may find some form of comfort today.

I will come back and respond but thought you should know a kind lady found Charlie's remains this morning. The vet is arranging cremation. I am devastated but glad I have closure.

Thank you.

Aw...That's so sad...
My cat Monkey Pi lived to be twenty one years old but she got too sick and started wailing all the time...[this was many years ago when I was younger]. Unfortunately, my mum says no to a new kitty because they're too much work, apparently.

I'm so sorry, CosmicRuss. I'm glad you have closure but it is still very painful. It sounds like she had a long, enjoyable life.