I destroyed my family

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This is the 2nd time I type this, it disappeared, which is pretty much in line with everything else I do.

The first time I typed it I gave details, but who cares. The point is that most do (and always have) hate me and that includes my family. But I never know what I did. The hatred is strong and permanent.

And tonight I lost contact with the last 3 members of my family. I asked sil to figure it out and when she called back she was enraged at what I'd done. (What?) Something about a snarky e-mail. And since he's the son I never had, would I get it through my head that I'm an aunt not a mother. And she says I'm manipulative and doing exactly what Mom (her mil) used to do to her and she's not going through it twice ... which is exactly what i said but she's enraged. I am turning into Mom that's what I was afraid of. I have to step away from that couple permanently because I can't control the emotions I cause.

Whew. Thank you for listening to all that. And now, would you try to give me answers?

Of course AS gets into emotional messes. This particular mess is not fixable, right?

Where is the charm school, for heaven's sake, dammit!

Should I do anything at all about the past and concentrate on this new life I'm building?

I don't think I can phone them; it's gone too far; and I sent them an apology/goodbye email.

I still think there's an mil flavour to the problem, it's very much like Mom and my sil. Me and mom were 2 peas in a pod. If i'm out-of-control then ... Do you know, Mom never knew what she did wrong? But it was torture for sil for decades. And I won't hurt DN that way, as much as it hurts me ... there's no clarity of communication for an aspie, is there?

Edit: Do you think this might be a "lack of empathy" problem on my part? What can I do about that, any ideas?

I would say that you should let time heal all the wounds.

I was hoping I'd hear from you. I've noticed the wisdom in your responses. Thank you.
Time would allow me to stop trying to find a fix - almost a relief. Oh but I hate grieving.

Sometimes there really is no solution to specific things--unless some other thing happens which is beyond your control or your immediate ability to control.

Frequently, getting out of the whirlpool is the best way to obtain an objective view of things.

When you're in the whirlpool, you don't have a clear view of things--because everything is spinning beyond your control.

I doubt that you've "destroyed" your family. I know it feels that way sometimes when you're in the whirlpool. When you get out, and have a clearer vision, you'll be able to assess the situation better.