Something has to change right this very second.

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I am not liking what I see when I look inside myself.

I see somebody who is genuinely powerless over alcohol and highly unrealistic sexual fantasy world's.

I see somebody who has no power over how he conducts himself in his daily life. I see a perpetually codependent doormat instead of a human being when I look at myself.

I see a lab rat who wants to rule with an iron fist, yet remains a lab rat nonetheless.

I see a pathetic excuse for humanity when I look at who I am and what I have become.

I am powerless and my life is unmanageable. My inner child is so used to how I have appeased him with booze and dopamine that he will stomp up and down when I try to turn away, and eventually, he always gets what he wants.

f**k Step Four. I just now reached Step One.

I am willing to give up anything to escape living like this, without any self respect. I feel such a strong sense of desperation unlike anything I have ever felt before. I want to leave this life behind and run very far away. I want to fight anything that will stand in my way. I want to experience genuine sanity in this lifetime.

I suggest remembering that dopamine & opioid receptors are minuscule components of a vast network. The remainder of it must have been doing something in order for this thread to exist. Sanity is ill defined, I'll take peace over sanity any day.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos