Unable to become someone great

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I want to join the military. But I can't. I'm a high school dropout, and only very rarely and under certain circumstances do they accept someone that only has a GED. They don't want quitters. But I'm not a quitter. At least, I'd like to think that I'm not.
I've had to put up with abuse for most of my life. During high school, I was bullied both at home and at school. I lacked any sort of guidance. A mentor. Self-confidence.
I want my life to mean something. I want to protect good people. I'd be willing to put my life on the line to protect those people. It would give me something to live for. My existence would be justified.
As I am now, I am a nobody. I'm jaded. Melancholic. Bitter about how worthless my life is. I hate this sedentary lifestyle. I want to become a better person. I want to make a difference in this world we live in, no matter how minuscule of a contribution it really is.
I regret the amount of time in my life that I have wasted. I just want to be someone that matters. Otherwise, what am I fighting for? Myself? I'm insignificant. Just another face. When I die, I'll quickly be forgotten. I don't matter.

I only wish that I would have taken the time to talk with a recruiter one of those days they had showed up at my high school. My "friends" at the time had all told me not to speak to them, that they were only going to tell me lies in order to get my contact information. Others drilled into me about how poorly I would be treated in the military. That I would hate it. They thought the only reason I was interested in it is because I "only wanted to kill people".

I could have gotten away from the environment that had been causing me so much stress. I could have taken my studies seriously. I could have taken my life seriously. I could have been somebody great. My life could have been completely different from how it is today.

I could have been somebody that matters.

I'm a broken robot.

(I'm talking about your plan B you say plan A didn't work)

Anything you desire in life you will have to work towards. You clearly do have the drive but you can't get down when you don't get what you want immediately. if you did it wouldn't be anything meaningful. You have lofty goals so more time is needed to think what you want.

Believe me, I've actually spent too long thinking about what I want. I'm always up in my own head: my mind an internal monologue, constantly going on and on and on and on. I shouldn't spend so much time letting these intrusive thoughts affect me in the way they do, but I can't help it. My ego is shattered. Maybe it's all just a pipe dream that I've grown to idolize, but I can't help but feel like I'm nothing but a failure, a biological accident thrust into a meaningless world. I feel like I'll just live and die without ever finding my purpose in the life I've been granted. I'll die the same way I feel now, frustrated and alone with a life full of regrets.

You don't have to be someone great. Sometimes being yourself is good enough. Most people aren't great. It really is pointless to dwell on what might have been. I understand the urge but it won't do you any good. Accept where you are right now and think about where you want to be in the future. Don't think that criticising yourself will motivate you. I bet you've been criticised by lots of people. Did it ever make you more motivated?

If you want to help people, why not volunteer somewhere? This could lead to regular work, friends and self-esteem. I know it's hard but it sounds like your life is pretty hard right now.

Once you get a few college credits (which you could easily get with a GED), it will become much easier to join the military. This is especially true if you get 2 years of college under your belt.

Have you considered the Peace Corps?

http://www.peacecorps.gov/volunteer/

Honestly, you really only need to be somebody who matters to yourself. If you have that, naturally, other people will follow. You'll learn from past negative experiences who's a friend and who's a manipulator. But if you do nothing.. well.. nothing will happen.

It isn't too late to get an education or a job, it never is so long as you aren't hooked on drugs.

Here are a couple of ideas for you. I was also turned down by the military. I wanted to be a Marine but I was PDQ'd because of a thyroid issue that has never caused me any problems. I tried for years to get a waiver and couldn't and I was pretty down about it. I feel you. However, you are not me and you still have hope. This is what you could do.

Get your GED if you haven't already. Go to whatever college is near you that you can get into with it. A Junior College or Community College usually always admits you. Make sure it's one that either has a ROTC program or allows you to take ROTC classes at another school that does have it. Then sign up for basics that you would need for whatever degree you decide to go after, such as English, Math, History, etc. and also the ROTC classes. I did this as well, but even after taking ROTC for a while and doing great in it and also great in my other classes I still couldn't get a waiver for my thyroid. So I stopped the ROTC, but I did enjoy it while I was taking it. But, with a degree even with a GED you can get into the military I do believe. And if you take ROTC that is a plus. Check it out. Talk to a recruiter and find out what you have to do. You'll enjoy the ROTC classes for real. I did, way back when.

The other option is one not as popular. Are you in good shape with no criminal record? If so, talk to one of the private security companies that work with the military over in the Middle East. They may hire someone who isn't ex-military or ex-police. It may not be for what you want but it's a foot in the door and you could find out about training to work in security over there. The paramilitary companies are all over there I think, or they were. I'm sure there are some in some areas.

Also, if you wanted something similar you could go after the police department. Lots of them don't require a degree and some smaller town departments could take you with a GED and after being there a while you could transfer to a bigger city. Maybe even go after your CJ degree. That's Junior or Community College too. You can get in with a GED. Or you could do Fire Department. That's a good job as well. Lots of ways into that depending on where you are.

Also, one last thing. Have you tried talking to a recruiter in each branch of the military? Some had different requirements than others. Talk to someone from the Marines, Army, Air Force, Navy, National Guard and even the Coast Guard. Find out if you could get into any branch with just a GED. If not, then find out what you would have to do to get in after getting a GED.

You may not be able to join up right now or next spring but you might be able to the next year with some work and effort to get what they require.

You want to be in the military then you should pursue this with a determination that will impress them and show them that you are not a quitter, you don't give up, you don't walk away until you have exhausted every last possibility to succeed. If thats what you want, start thinking like it now. Don't mope around all sad about not being able to go right now like you want, stand tall and chase what you have to chase to get your dream. Ask yourself would the soldier you want to be just give up and drag around and b***h about the situation or would the soldier work until he drops to fix the situation? Only one of those two would succeed as a soldier. You decide which one you want to be, and you follow it. And if you don't get to where you want to be, then you find the next best place to it and you go after that just as hard. And you keep doing it until you get what you want. Because if you stay down when you are knocked down, you have no place in the military. So get back up and get out there and find every possible way you could do this. Balls to the wall.