I'm telling you this out of respect and kindness.
I think this is a lost cause, and you aren't going to help yourself trawling through old videos.
From my understanding she hasn't shown any interest in wanting to contact you at all, and has started divorce proceedings.
You are also very conflicted about her, by you own admission.
I honestly think if what you say is true and I have no reason to doubt you, it looks like like she was looking for a way out anyway. Otherwise she is not willing to even broach the contentious subject, which caused her departure.
Therein lies the incompatibility.
I wish you the best I really do, stop torturing yourself.You need to pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and make baby step forward.