Well, that was not a good night

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I've just come home from which was supposed to be a fun night, and turned out to really suck pretty much, but let me explain - I just want to rant a bit right now:

We had a team event from work - we went bowling. That was actually alright, it went until 8 pm. The only problem so far was that I was recently rejected by a coworker I had a kinda serious crush on, and so it was a bit awkward, and whenever I saw him I felt a little bitter. But I actually thought I was handling it pretty well already. As I said, the bowling bit was fine. Afterwards, we all decided to go to a bar, since hey it's Friday. I wasn't really feeling it, but thought I should go along, try to maybe do something against the awkwardness between me and that guy, get back on a friendly basis, also get a bit wasted and try to have fun and forget.

Sadly I had my 'best friend' along, who might not be such a good friend afterall I'm thinking. I know he has a crush on me, which I don't reciprocate, and hence he can be a bit clingy sometimes. He was already pretty drunk and he gets kind of annoying when he's drunk, immature like a child, he will deny he's drunk and talk about how he needs more to drink, but then you constantly have to watch him so that he doesn't get lost somewhere or runs into traffic, also he gets grumpy and always wants to go somewhere else. Also, I'm not sure why, but today he kept touching me, bumping into me or putting his head on my shoulder which really pissed me off.

Then we were at a bar, not the best mood but still ok so far. A tall, slender, pretty, elegant girl from work turns up and hugs my crush, the other guys joke about her being his girlfriend. I know she's not, at least right now, she already has a boyfriend. Still, that's kinda the point where my mood hit rock bottom. Then we sat there and I didn't know what to do or say. I wanted to talk to him casually, to establish that I'm fine and I don't want it to be awkward and let's just act like coworkers. But I couldn't, and I also couldn't really look at him at all, since I felt so stupid suddenly. I'm autistic, chubby, and told him I like him on facebook like an idiot, and I actually had the feeling he liked me too. But nah, there's other, 'better' girls who probably like him - he is very cute, even objectively - and I can't even strike up a conversation. I was just feeling worse and worse, really. I could now truely feel that he really wasn't interested in me at all, and that I had just misinterpreted his behaviour. Eventually I just decided to leave, my drunk friend was grumpy and tired anyway.

Then we had kind of an argument, because originally it was planned that he would sleep at my place, so he doesn't have to drive home in the night, which takes a bit long for him. I carefully asked him if he was still able to theoretically get home and not sleep at my place, because I felt like s**t and wanted to be alone. He was immediately insulted and acted like I just kicked his dog. Oh yes, you have to take the train for an hour now, at the ungodly time of 1 am. Clearly so much worse than wanting to be alone because you feel like s**t and just want to cry. So yeah. We parted in a really bad mood and now I feel like I don't even really have friends anymore.

So yeah. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Do you think my friend is right for being mad at me? I felt guilty for a while but honestly... in his place I would have been totally ok with my friend feeling bad and wanting to be alone, he knows after all that I am unhappily in love and not feeling well.

Hate to say it: But all this is a product of too much drink.

I would say it's best if you just sleep it off. And wake up to a new day.

Right or wrong that's how he feels. You agreed to something and then changed your mind at the last moment and that hurt because he was counting on it. And he hurt you because you wanted him to understand and agree. If you want to be effective friends you have to deal with the way people feel not just whether it's right or wrong. If you win the argument you lose the friend.

I can understand that he felt inconvenienced, I just thought he shouldn't try to guilt trip me like that, especially in my state. But it's fine I guess, he apologized today and said he was just grumpy.