How do you cope?

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At times the sadness or fear is so intense that I get meltdowns or shutdowns because of them, depending on the situation. Then I can count the seconds until the depression kicks in and I want to give up absolutely everything, stop trying and caring. Over the years, I have unfortunately not been able to find a coping mechanism for that. I try to be patient and sit it out, but it's gruesome. Waiting for the fog to clear up. This happens nearly every week and it drains me.

Or when I am angry, that is also so intense. I have always had aggressions and I don't let them out, because I don't want to hurt someone. But meanwhile, I am very, very hurt. I retreat and start crying uncontrollably. The downside to this is that, instead of knocking someone's lights out, I might say some rather inappropriate things to the people around, as a way of letting some of this out. Breaking stuff is irresponsible and uncalled for, too. I'm very active, but lifting or boxing also do not help me in those situations. Worst is trying to suppress it all and BSing myself into saying it's not so bad.

Any positive experiences?

What's causing all this sadness and anger?

Never fitting in, never enjoying something, always being worried and anxious. Your guess is as good as mine, maybe it's not being able to express myself properly, too.

Welcome to my world.

I cope by withdrawing from people, and never expecting them to accept me no matter how hard I try.

In other words, I expect the worst in people, and I am rarely disappointed.

I've felt the same way quite a bit in my life.

What is your Special Interest. If it doesn't interfere with your schooling or your working, why not indulge in the Special Interest?

When I was a kid, I only attained happiness when I was reading the encyclopedia or about something like Anthropology. I had a best friend--but he was always hanging out with other kids. We eventually lost touch when I was about 12.

For an NT like myself i find it very interesting to see how u guys cope and express your feelings. I've struggled with my father and my ex boyfriend who both had Asperger but i never knew that until a month ago.
Ever since i started reading more about it and now i understand why both of them were kind of pessimists and always expected the worse in people.

I always tried to tell them to stop making assumptions about people.. To go out and try! But it seems like I didn't understand the depth of that anxiety.

If i may give u a little advice to over come stress, depression and anxiety ill say excercise!
Engage yourself in a sport, go to the gym, get a treadmill if u don't feel comfortable at the gym.
Excercise makes wonders to depression and anxiety, it induces the secretion of endorphins in the brain which will make u feel relaxed and happy.
I excercise when im stressed out , when i have exams , interview or simply feeling down.
I do yoga too .

On the long run, u will have endorphins in your body and u will feel fit and beautiful. It also improves posture which makes u look more confident. Listen to good happy music! Music is magic! It takes u somewhere else..

I also suspect that my sister has Asperger but im not quite sure..

I hope u find this useful!

I'm afraid I don't really have much different to say than what you have said. Just that I relate to it. I don't really know how to deal with them. I've been under mental health services a lot in the past for an eating disorder, anxiety and depression (mostly unhelpful and at times damaging experiences) and am always incredibly frustrated at the disconnect between struggling to communicate things, not fitting in their box and them failing to pick up on my then undiagnosed AS, to 'get me' and adapt their approach.
It's funny actually (as in strange, not haha funny), I went into one of these episodes around last weds. The way I'd describe it is, it's a bit like someone has pulled out all the wires in my brain that have literally anything to do with people, feelings.... anything like that, like a complete shut down. Things get really difficult at home because I know that I become very difficult to be around and almost completely withdraw from any communication. I guess I just have to try and wait it out as you said, which I did, and monday evening I think there were signs in starting to come out of it in being able to tell my mum about a problem I encountered at uni that day and I was able to give her a hug. I'm not sure I'm completely out of it now but all I can do is try not to be too hard on myself and keep trying to ride the wave so to speak.
Sorry I'm not much help but thanks for posting as it's good to be able to relate, even if it's not over something good!

Kristie, I agree with you completely. I was always so alone with all of this, so even if there is no magical advice to be given, it is a strange feeling to read how there are actually people out there with similar experiences and fears. I am very numb from trying to share my world with someone and always only ever getting a puzzled or worried look. So at one point, I stopped trying.

Not really, unfortunately. I'm a powerlifter, so it's fair to say that I get more exercise than the very most people here combined. It keeps me going, because I know that every time I am finished, I am a better person. I feel I need it. Does it make me happy? No. Just content. But there is also pressure surrounding it, as it has become sustenance. It's so important I am afraid to lose this. Because of anything, health or time management issues.

Anyway, I will absolutely have to write something about this (weight lifting) soon, as I think most autistic people would greatly benefit from it. But I will carefully have to explain why, obviously. It is one of my special interests, on top of being a major health concern. My other special interests you can find in my profile, but most important is music. Music kept me alive.

Alcohol is a fun one

Realistically though music is my go to drug. I really flushes out my system of repressed emotions.

Straight edge Drugs made everything so much worse for me. Most of the time, I went non verbal. And the sensory processing was really weird while intoxicated. Had this been a good escape for me, I must honestly say I would have made great use of it already. Agree with you about the music! Do you also like to write your own? Or poetry, maybe?

I wish I wrote music! I have this acoustic guitar in the corner of my apartment that I keep eyeing, maybe now that most of my friends are moving away this semester I'll feel like I have the free time to teach myself or get lessons. Silver linings.... I wrote a poem once. The only one I ever made the conscious decision to write myself outside of English classes. Based on a nightmare I had when I was seven. I kind of wish I wrote more, another goal for this semester I guess.

All was dark and silent
Through the cloudy haze
I saw figures of black
An echo of a forgotten family
Melting and fading
Into nothing

What about you? An actual artist or just a procrastinator like me?

I think after all those years it's fair to say I am an artist, yes. I have written a lot of music, but if my energy levels were higher, that would be happening much more often. And writing lyrics or poetry truly helps to filter out the garbage. Do learn to play an instrument! Even if it's just a little bit. One of my favorite stims is to just play a few notes which resonate deeply with me that day. It feels very surreal. I need it in my life.

I can play the soldiers salute called "Taps". Oh that's pathetic. I did play a saxophone for a couple years when I was younger. I wish I'd have stuck with it. I guess I do know a little bit of piano as well, might try to dust off those skills over break when I have access to one.