Out Of Control

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deleted. stupid

Last edited by Graelwyn on 16 Apr 2007, 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dear Graelwyn, please hang in there...I admire your ability to calmly and objectively describe your situation in spite of the emotional turmoil you're going through...
I've always found sleeping helpful in times of emotional turmoil...I hope you engage in whatever activity that helps you calm down and distracts you from the rage...
I don't want to suggest med since I don't like meds...but if it turns out to be bi polar, it could be a good idea to get professional help...

That's going to happen when you make other people responsible for your feelings. We have to make ourselves happy. I know, easier said that done. But that's the crux of it.

You have to love yourself, first and foremost. I sense you have issues with your self image and that's not that unusual for women, but you seem to question yourself all the time. If you don't have "you" firmly rooted in you mind, it is no wonder you are going back and forth between extremes.

In addition to negative cognitive thoughts, I think you have a chemical imbalance going on and you probably need some professional help in order to get you mind into a state of balance so you can begin loving yourself and seeing yourself as a worthy, lovable person. Then you can enjoy people for themselves instead of as someone you need for your own self esteem.

Graelwyn, I hope you will consider seeing a doctor and getting some help so you can be the person you really are.

Sigh, I was missing you yesterday, and now I know you were in such pain, it's very sad.

I too am really suffering right now, with things I haven't even talked about here. I just say this so you know you're not alone. I've also been having down and okay moods, very moody, although I don't get the euphoria so am not sure I'm bipolar. What you describe sounds like classic bipolar though, and if you haven't, I recommend you see a good professional soon to see if there's anything that can be done to help. Lithium has saved many people's lives.

We're here if you need to keep venting.

And about the ideation, please talk about that. Do you have a plan? Are you obsessing about it?

Deleted.

Last edited by Graelwyn on 16 Apr 2007, 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

One of the reasons bipolar is so dangerous is because when depressed, people don't usually have the energy or will to do anything about the ideation. Then when they start feeling better is when it becomes more dangerous, as you then have the energy. So I know what you mean about it being easier when euphoric.

For me, sometimes when I really start thinking about my plan, I actually feel better and start feeling less suicidal. If I know I have the option, if it's really so bad that there's no other choice, somehow knowing I at least have the option makes me feel better, and ironically, lessens my suicidality. It's almost as if knowing I actually can make the choice gives me control, and having that power makes me feel like I can make the choice. And I've always (obviously) chosen to live.

What is your plan, if you don't mind saying? And ARE you obsessing on the plan?

By the way, I want you to know that I think you are in danger and should see or call somebody, either a medical professional or a friend, for help immediately. Is there anybody you know and like well enough to either call and talk to or have come over to be with you?

You posted on my topic yesterday and I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. I know I barely know you, but you seem like such a kind person, and I can tell that others here really appreciate you. It hurts me to know that you're feeling this way. I don't know what to say except that I hope things look up for you, and I hope you get the help you need.

Please, please don't kill yourself. I know that's really hypocritical of me to say, but I'm begging you, don't. From all I've seen, the world needs more people like you.