I want to die

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I keep hitting my head hard and crying and screaming. My nan just moved another object and I can't deal with it. I'm hitting myself all over and I want to die.

I never used to react so badly to every little thing. WHY DID SHE MOVE IT?????????????????????

I can barely go out because everything is killing me. I need my own space without that EVIL NEIGHBOUR below me SLAMMING DOORS AND MAKING THE PLACE SHAKE. The other neighbours there hate me too, and I've done nothing wrong. I was quiet as a mouse and she's convinced them all that I'm to be deeply hated. She was saying things to my parents like I should go back on my medication and that she would call the police on me. She said other horrible things too and the neighbour across the road was cheering her on, and a man passed by before having a go at me. My front door mat keeps getting kicked too. I don't understand what I've done wrong.

How could she and my previous neighbours DO THIS to me? I've developed lots of allergies from the amount of stress I've experienced over the past three years.

I hate life so much, I want to die.

I will no longer have a choice. I don't want to have to die, but I don't want to live anymore.

And what made it worse was when I was going to do something stupid before, none of my friends (except two) responded. I will never forgive them for what they did.

People commit suicide because nobody takes them seriously. I've never been in such a place for all the time I knew these people. I was never one to put myself down before. I admit to myself and people that I'm in a mess and almost nobody wants to know.

I'm sorry you went through all that. I'm not a therapist or a doctor, so I can't give the best advice here.

However, please don't die. Try doing stuff you enjoy? Get out of the house if you can and get some fresh air perhaps? I would bet there is at least some people that care about you. Perhaps some of them just havent told you recently. As for the neighbors- I don't know why they are such jerks. I think you need to probably move somehow.

I may just be a person over the internet but I hate seeing people sad, in pain (and so forth). If you want to chat ANYTIME, private message me. I'm online a bit.

Also I want to point out- I'm not trying to sound weird or something (sometimes people have reacted wrong because I cared). I just want to help. You deserve to live.

I can imagine it being very stressful getting all of this negative behavior directed at yourself.

Do you have any activities you can do away from home?

smudge, is there anyone in your life who can help you to find a new place to live?

It's understandable that you're reacting badly to every little thing when you've been stuck living in an environment that has intolerable sensory things and your neighbours are being so awful to you.

I had a similar experience with mean neighbors, not being able to relax even in my own home, not being able to leave, and becoming hypersensitive to every little thing. So, I understand how you feel. But, I am sorry you had to feel this way too. I hope you feel better. I had to move out of that apartment with my sister, and move back in with my parents, because I was just so scared of what my neighbor might do.

_________________
31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

Please don't die :'(

Hugs

Try to get some perspective,

Your neighbors can't define you, just tell yourself they are ****holes

If you died your grandmother and others would be distraught, your living conditions aren't always going to be like this.

You have the power to surround yourself with whoever you want.

Hang in there, smudge. I've struggled with suicidal ideation throughout my life - and I know just how awful it feels when people are dismissive when I try to describe my negative feelings. You aren't as alone in your feelings as the bad times make it feel. Keep talking to the kind, considerate people here, to remind yourself that not all of the world is filled with selfish, uncaring people.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Smudge.

People are s**t sometimes.

big hugs....for what it's worth.