I have troubles with my father's abandonement.

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I don't know if this is the right place to post, so forgive me if it is not.

I am typing as the thoughts enter my brain, so again forgive me if I talk to much.

Earlier today on another post in the "Games and Video Games" subforum, I recounted my favorite moment of gaming from a tabletop game my father and I played over 4 years ago. It wasn't until when I looked at my post history a few minutes ago that I remembered that my father has not had contact with me since July 3rd of 2015. The last thing I said to him was in a text message where I told him I hated him and would never forgive him.

I have not seen him since the night before that. He still visits my brother, but refuses to speak to either me, my mother, or anyone related to us or him, for reasons I cannot wrap my head around.

What he did is unforgivable, both from a moral and intellectual standpoint. I don't know if I should talk about it, but it was a betrayal to the entire family.

It saddens me, however, that the last thing I said to him was that I hated him. I feel guilty, yet at the same time, I feel that I did the right thing in supporting my mother in basically what was his expelling from our local family unit.

His parents cannot comprehend how he could do it, for they feel that is not the way they raised him. It was sudden and without warning, for all of us. My mother cried for days. I did too.

I apologize for rambling, but I really needed to get this out of my system. I also apologize for the ambiguity.

Sorry.

I wish it didn't happen--your father abandoning you.

What did he do which caused you to hate him?

Some would not see it as an issue that involves me, but he had an affair, with a woman almost half the age of my mother. This bothers me because he would always brag about how high his morals were, how his ideals were honorable and all his philosophical stuff he spouted on us. Admittely, it could have been the fault of myself and my mother for forcing him to quit his job as car salesman, even though it was what made him happy, which may have caused him to tumble into a disguised depression, and we often speculate he might've also gone back to recreational drugs, but that is not confirmed. He was never around the month before I sent that text. He would come home, sleep, eat, and go "hang out with his buddies" afterwards. I honestly don't know whether to feel bad or not. I don't know what to really think on this particular issue, honestly.

That must be hard for you to have ended on such a bad note with your father and having to cope with feeling betrayed from the choices he made. No need to apologize, feel free to vent anytime.

Did he have the affair while he was married to your mother? If so, if he's preaching "morals," not such a "moral" deed.

But people are fallible, and they make mistakes.

Why didn't you want him to be a car salesman?

I know you're angry at your dad. But I hope some day you could get together and talk about these things. It would probably help you as well as him.

He probably abandoned you because he was ashamed of himself. Not an excuse. It's an explanation.

He was and technically still is married to my mother.

We didn't want him to be a car salesman because we were in poverty because he was losing money working there, because even though he enjoyed it, he was terrible at it.

He refuses to talk to me or my mother. During the visits he either sleeps, minimally plays with my brother, or has a lot of cigarette breaks. My mother will talk to him and he won't even acknowledge her existence outside of phone calls. He refuses to go to therapy with me, and wont even tell his lawyer where he lives. His car was repo'd because he wasn't paying his bills. He acts uncharacteristically of himself, if that makes sense.

It does make sense.

He has to help himself climb out of the hole he has created for himself.

Does he have any specialized job skills? If he wasn't getting the sales, and not providing for the family, he should have tried something else.

I hope he comes to his senses soon, and that you'll be there when he does.