Looking for somewhere to die ?

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Re the headline , I have thought that a little , certainly when feeling down this last day , while at the latest shelter (This refers to details from my also-recent " Hospitalized " post .) .
People say they like my posts , like hearing my viewpoint ~ That's nice , but it doesn't himmediately help me much . My health keeps going down & down , materially I have things stolen or gone again and again ~ JUST NOW , while coming to this computer lab (I am still banned from the library , I have heard nothing about my attempt to change the library's " trial " of me for that , and my last tablet was lost ) , I turned my back on the carrier bag that's been my main " carry things " ~ and it was stolen .
There went a couple pair of extra glasses , cough drops , lots of reading ~ As I said , too , the set of clothes I'm wearing is my only one now , I left the rest with my " keepers " on Thurs .
Remember , I lost my only other pair of shoes (the ones I'm not wearing) in the hospital ~ EVERYTHING taken away , my money depleted , AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN .
I think I will never own a CD player again , even , or a turntable ~ If I'm going to die (Remember the CPOD/kidneys/heart ) maybe just being found dead on a beach somewhere , having read a comic book , is better.........

I...am at a loss for words. Take care, my friend. I'm thinking about you.

This thread is an example how of America has failed, people die cause those in power can't make a system that has services available for people in need.

I'll pray for you which with the state of my heart and the terms I am on with God probably won't mean much but I do hope things get better for you.

I'll pray for you. I hope things improve for you.

...Fri. nite I was at the latest (4th) shelter , at which I had a week , a fairly minimal situation (More later .) .
Sat. I got up and left one bag of stuff at the shelter , I felt rather sick-isa , going along w/what I'd been told at the hospital I decided to go to the ER after I got some computer time in , did , then called the ER sooner than I thought , thinking (This is all very condensed ..) I'd operate , just in case , as if I was going to die .
I didn't .
I got a week small hours HOT Team ride back `to Shelter #4 , where I found that my bed had been given away , and my one bag left was gone , including my " keeping me alive " meds , and had to sleep in a chai`r in the overflown space , ass , though I had had the sxshelter called that I was in the ER , the right spot hadn't been called .
Sun. ayem I found that I did , however , have the remaining 5 overnights left , it's nearly 4 PM Sun now , I'll see if that it fact is the case when I get back down there .
This was a better day than the build-upabove miight have made you t think , actual-like , but: I have still everything I own being carried by me in two Walgreens' carrier bags (+ the clothes stuff the keepers stored Thurs.) , and , even should I get the clothes stuff back too-morrow , it would be in hospital type big garbage bags , as the clothes have been in one kind of or another , reaLLY , FOR MONTHS NOW IIRC . GETTING Baggage/storage stuff/comparable costs money .
Plus time , and stability .

..." better " , perhaps , than " another ten years of life if I take care of myself " of this type . On this level at least I think I might've ~Or , anyway , could now ~ mean .
The pills aren't " keep-me-alive " in the bad TV medical drammy" He hasn't taken them for 48 hours ! If he goes another 24 without them..." sense , but they were framed to me as " To deal with the kidneys , etc. , you must take them " .
RR , you emphasize proper nutrition ~ The doctors who spoke to me made no mention of that at all , THEY were rather empasizingnot drinking water too much ~ Party , while in l'hopital , I get sort of manic about drinking water ~ ande chewing correctly , not having things go down th wrong windpipe to the lungs (Well , yes , when ou have but two teeth

...... , it gets a bit hard to manipulate/mastiicate properly )...

Hey my friend, I have thought about your situation for a while and I have thought about how I would feel (probably about how you feel I expect, this is how I will probably die as well).

First I want to tell you that I and probably many others here really thought about this, and thought 'what can I say to help', but came up with nothing that might only make you feel more isolated or dismissed. I care for you and think of you as a person in the same way that I think of myself as a person (not a 'thing').

I am in not ideal shape at the moment and learning about all this myself for the first time now as well so I cannot personally help you in physical terms. If I could help you in physical terms I genuinely would and there are other people in the world who genuinely would feel the very same way were they aware.

You deserve better than you are experiencing and this is a terrible way to die, personally it's my greatest and most painful fear. I think of you often and wish to share my concern and interest with you in hopes that you will feel less alone. I hope you get help, do you know how to ask for help or who to ask for help? Perhaps these is help that is available that you do not know about, I have never had help like that before just recently and I still do not understand how that works but I expect there are people here who are experts on that and maybe one can locate a number for you; or contact someone informing them of your situation (who is local to your area), then tell them where they can find you. I must point out that there may not be anything however; I just don't know. Perhaps if you tell us what area (city and state perhaps), and maybe someone can connect those dots.

I love you my friend, I hope you get to feel less bad or better before you die.

Hey that's great, you're in touch with shelters. This is good, and bit of food is good too Things are tough man, that's for sure but hang in there, and try to stay positive. Talk to people, ask them about good stuff, things they like and try to have some enjoyment. It's important to have some happy moments from time to time, even if it's just shared chuckled over something totally unimportant or shared appreciation of something equally irrelevant. Look at the sky, maybe it's pretty; look at a mother caring for her child, it's nice to see love.

These things will not fix your problems, I don't not know how to fix them or even really how to avoid them myself; but perhaps if you can implement some of this approach then despite your problems your time here can have some positive things to appreciate as well.

...I haven't really recovered from the lack of sleep I got from what happened Sat-Sun - And , maybe I didn't sleep enough Sunday , but I did want to do something , and this shelter is less helpful with a " get some sleep during daytime " desire than the others were...Also , they , after you have checked in for the night in the late afternoon/early evening , won't let you go just outside for some air til' 8 PM after the prime nice sunlight has disappeared .........I will admit , I am putting off recoking having to pick up those heavy clothes , to-day I did while justifying myself as " making progress " by calling that HOT Team w*ker , er , worker ~ Thus saving myself some more walking to go to their offices . I DO overdo walking .

If I was a cop, I'd want to make sure there were criminals otherwise I'd get laid off and have to flip burgers.

If I was a fireman and there were never any fires, they'd lay me off as not being needed and I'd apply at Best Buy.

If I was a doctor and healed everyone's diabetes and heart disease, I'd get laid off and have to flip burgers at McDonald's.

See where I'm going with this? I'm not a conspiracy theorist at all, but I really wonder sometimes if professionals who are paid to take care of the negative things in society actually want those negative things eradicated permanently.

...I stilll don't have time to fully read Joeseph's post .
Last nite , I went back to the shelter , the elevator was broken , I had to walk up three flights from the basement chow room to our barracks (The ele.'s fixed now) . I found that my bag with clean underwear in it was gone .

...This morning , when I went down , the elevator was futzed up again - Apparently , not permanently, someone was stuck in it on another floor , I was told .
Someone else was in a wheelchair , they were stuck , I guess .
That finalized that I wasn't able to get down to breakfast .
I indulged myself , then , w/a $6.50 ham-and-eggs special + a Shasta at a old-fashioned donut/counter place near the shelter .

...RR , I have glanced at your blog ~ and noted your books ~ You know , with the non-knowledge of computer stuff I have spoken of (and BEGGED and BEGGED for help with ~ to no avail here ) I couldn't write , physically , " correctly " onto a laptop/whatever even if I had one ~ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ! Really .

...I now , sometimes , cry , thinking my dreasm of going to residential college , being " a college student " , will never be .