Being an Adult

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It's HARD being an adult! I'm depressed & in a bad mood, I took a nap hoping it will get better, but when I woke up, I was worse. I even told my boyfriend I don't feel like talking, I wish he understood, I need time for myself. I'm depressed, cuz I hate my apartment & next month will be the anniversary of my mom's death, it will be 3 years in June.

Doesn't that guy make you feel better?

I know what you mean. I'm 18 but in a lot of ways I act and feel like I'm 8. Most people my age don't do things like getting upset when told to go to bed, tightly holding an old blanket when stressed, and getting excited and clapping when shown a cool looking space picture. On top of that my 11 year old sister (who is NT but with some autistic traits) has better social skills then me. I may be a legal adult with the ability to vote and drive, but I don't act and feel like it most of the time.

I'm not even sure what an adult is. To me it appears that NT's just have the ability to restrict their idiosyncrasies to an absolute minimum and thus appear to be in control of bodies and the sounds they make, so they pass as an "adult" in all senses of the word, not just the physical form, they can role-play at being a grown up without thinking about it to the point where they identify themselves as that role. It's quite sad really, yet we're the one's made to feel strange because we've retained more of our natural behaviour.

My definition of adult is less about how you act and more about how you're able to get through life. For me this takes the form of being able to provide for yourself adequately, and the ability to maintain healthy relationships. These, to me are my goals for maybe someday being adult. Before I'm dead.

I fail miserably at being an adult, having been separated and forced to move back with my parents at 38.

It's always been a struggle for me, but I been on my own for most of the time since my early 20s.

But now I have health problems, and working whatever jobs just to pay the rent and bills isn't enough anymore.

The one defining feature I have seen that differentiates adults from children - superb problem-solving skills.

As in, the pinnacle of humanity's ability to handle situations and issues.

Of course, adults are still flawed, and just because you're an aspie adult and break-down and cry hopelessly almost all of the time and can't solve most of your problems, doesn't mean you aren't one, but I still find adults are just better at handling life and their problems than most teenagers and children are.

What does a teen do when their car breaks down? "Dad......" And an adult? Instantly a few ideas of how to solve the current problem will brainstorm into the head.

Interestingly enough even those who claim to struggle significantly at adulthood, I have observed still would do better than a teen or child.

Teenagers and children tend to be relatively hopeless, lost, dependent and reliant in the majority of situations.

Teenagers have developing 'problem-solving skills' so at the very least they will make a decent effort, but still make the wrong choices too much.

I can't say I relate to the struggle, but I do relate to mikeman.

As someone turning 18 soon, I have severe agoraphobia which makes me far more reliant on my parents in my life then i'd like to be.

It is only when I gradually overcome my generalised anxiety disorder and agoraphobia that I can do things independently and for myself.

Otherwise right now I can NOT leave the house by myself as I have a fear of being outside the house alone. I need to almost always go out of the house with another person.

I feel so weak and childish if I need Dad just to go to the shops.

Short distances, I am okay though...

What is causing the fear, Outrider?

You can parkour with the best of them. You can converse with the best of them.

I recommend you read up on "implosion therapy," and see what you think Implosion therapy is about encountering your fear head on--experiencing the fear.

Thanks.

Yeah I do agree with such a method and this was why moving to or near the big-city would have been ideal, as it would help me take my fears head-on by being exposed to the more crowded and anonymous city.

Instead my family is moving to a smaller and more relaxed city but it still sounds better than my current situation and I feel excited about overcoming my fears.

Another technique my doctor suggested was 'graded exposure' which is to experience a situation that only makes you slightly uncomfortable with a family member or friend at first, until you feel comfortable enough to do it alone as you realize it's not actually bad or dangerous. As you become more and more comfortable with only slightly nerve-wracking situations, you slowly move onto things that make you feel more and more intense fear until eventually you've overcome it.

I can deal with situations just fine once I become comfortable and use to them, it's just most experiences and situations that are the unknown to me I struggle with.

Once settled at school, I am confident and happy in myself.

I am the same at the place I volunteer and can walk through the building with confidence.

I now feel more comfortable talking to girls, etc.

It's just the initial nerves - everyone goes through it (nervous on first day of school/work, nervous for job interview/meeting new people, etc.) it's just for me it's intensified by about 1,000.

I find myself really fighting the notion of "being an adult". I don't know, but the notion of typical adult life just seems dull to me. I don't even want to be a "rebel" or anything. I just don't see the reward in living up to the standards of society. I don't want to waste my life. This is a depressing topic to me.

To me it seems "becoming an adult" is basically becoming a robot. Past their 20s people most people just lose their emotional virility and become very flat and boring. They become content in their repetitive routines of work and house life. They don't like to think as much as they used to.

I hate it when people tell me that when I'm VERY ANGRY & don't act my age, I don't even act like an adult, I don't know how, my anger takes control of me, when people tell me you are an adult, act your age then I realize they really don't know about my aspergers.

Why aspergers have to be SO SENSITIVE to noise? Not all noise brother me, the apartment above me, I can hear noises almost all day, I can hear when people are walking around in their apartment that is driving me very crazy & hurts me sooooo much, I feel like really screaming, telling them to shut up. It was a mistake moving here.

Seems like they are invalidating your sensitivities. It's a common NT behavior. And yet they supposedly have better empathy?

I also go through the same thing. I hear them walk around, close any door (room or cabinet), open/close drawers, etc. When they talk on the phone, I hear the person on the other end. It's very distracting. Surprisingly, the little dog is quieter than the people. But, the point is it's tough, and I feel jolted a lot.

I realize this is probably obvious, but do you use headphones? I use music and focus on that. Music and any stimming I do tends to help. I also try to keep in mind that, while their noise is really annoying, it's not personal and they aren't doing anything wrong. It's difficult for me, but it's not about me or directed toward me.

My therapist suggested that I listen to recordings of noise, such as office noise or crowds. This has helped make apartment, work, or public noises a little less jarring so far. Maybe that will help you. YouTube has records of 8 hours of office noises, or bars, for example. Yes, it's horrible, but helpful

どうもありがとうミスターロボート (dōmo arigatō misutā Robōto)
また会う日まで (mata au hi made)
どうもありがとうミスターロボート (dōmo arigatō misutā Robōto)
秘密を知りたい (himitsu wo shiritai)

Edited to add: Captcha just made me click a button saying "I'm not a robot."

I have headphones if I have headphones on, I can't hear the tv & I can't wear headphones in bed. It was a big mistake moving here.