Lonely

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I didn't want to gush about all this, but it's late and I'm having trouble sleeping. I've been having an extremely difficult time with loneliness, and it's becoming the only thing in the world I can think about. Specifically with regard to relationships and sexuality, but also as far as not really having friends, a job, or any of the things that make people happy. I just feel so disconnected from everything and so miserable. I try to reach out but I don't know how, and the efforts I do make lead me nowhere. I don't know how to relate to people at all. It feels like there's this huge divide that I can't get across. I don't have common interests to make friends, I'm entirely too timid for dating, and in both areas I feel like I'm of no interest to anyone. I struggle with self-loathing and not being able to see anything positive about myself, while simultaneously striving toward high standards that separate me from other people.

I believe the only point in life is to find your own meaning with the people around you, but if you're incapable of doing that I just don't see what hope a person can have. I keep thinking things will change one day, but I don't think I really believe it. And I don't know how to go on when all I have to look forward to is more of this.

I wish I had good advice. I can relate to that feeling of their being a divide, though. I can get my way through simple social situations easily enough, but making deeper connections is hard, though I really, really try.

I have watched my autistic daughter struggle with a social life, and she has come a very long way. I believe you can, too.

It helps to have a supportive therapist who can help you think about the efforts you are making. My daughter has developed the ability to ask people their candid opinion about things she has said or done, and then adjust her approach or behavior if that is indicated. She has made many mis-steps, but rather than viewing them as evidence that she will never succeed, she has tried to learn from each one.

She has found a religious group that is comfortable for her. She has maintained at least online connection with people she has met over the years. She tried to be there for people as much as she can. She now has a happy primary relationship and a sizable handful of long-time friends.

It takes work but it's very worth it. It sounds like you are not willing to put one brick onto the foundation at a time. It also sounds like you doubt any ability to succeed in the venture. Can you find a therapist who can work with you on this as a primary goal? They say "social skills training" is one of the primary areas for improvement for autistic people in therapy, and when you are an adult, that is still true.

Good luck and best wishes.

You are not alone. I struggle with loneliness too. What helps is surrounding myself with animals and to keep overbusy with projects and crafts and books. I wish I had good advise. I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

You should gush more.
Your loneliness is the most beautiful thing, because it belongs to you, and only a precious few will share it with you. I have reason to believe we were all attacked last night. My dreams are getting more intense with every week that goes on, but last night was a dream so neutral that it made me feel wonderful.
I have the gift of an almost psychopathic courage, where I can go right now and dance in front of the gas station at 7 AM, and somehow the police have no problem with it. I also have a muscular frame, so people are less likely to get physical. This means I've forgotten more about emotional bullying than most people will ever know. So, if you are ever a victim of mental/emotional bullying, definitely drop me a line at johntyner@live.com.

Otherwise, maybe don't take my advice about dancing in front of the gas station, as someone large may come and decide to get physical. Maybe even a police officer. But definitely know the spirit of my message today: you need to take drastic action. Be almost delusionally courageous. I know it's scary to think of what people will say and do, the exchanged glances, the laughs - but they will do those things anyway. They do it to me, and they do it to each other. This is where your loneliness comes from. It is an attack from an invisible enemy.

I'm not pinning this onto any theology, but I think you can do the math. We have big hearts, and the enemy hates us for it.

It's weird. I thought I'd accepted being lonely a while ago, but the past couple of weeks it's been really bothering me for some reason. It's pretty much all I think about to the point where I'm hesitant to do anything at all. I get tired of sitting around the house when I'm not working but can't think of anything I want/need to do by myself and since I don't have anyone to engage with, it leaves me lonely and bored.