Memories

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I rarely experience emotions with memories, and when I do it's usually short flashes and it's usually some sort of pain. It seems like I live mostly in the present or the future. I have noticed my memory has gotten worse over the years and I wonder if this can be a result of me unconsciously suppressing things from the past. I know I'm suppressing some memories, because I know they happended but can't relive it - I can't remember any concrete eposides and the feelings that went with it.

Does anyone relate to this? How often do you relive the past, in both good or bad memories?

Hm, this is interesting to think about as I believe the vast majority of my memories - neutral ones, that may just hold personal significance - were previously coloured negatively from having depression. It's hard to explain, but an analogy would be accidentally mixing dye into water; my memories feel tainted by it even in the aftermath of recovery. It's sad, but to this day most internal back-tracking is more likely to evoke anger or indifference. Living for the present is a blessing, but I feel we all need to make peace with our pasts as much as humanly possible.
I hold to a more positive outlook these days (often for dear life) and I refuse to think I won't make new memories based on good times. The lack of feeling alongside a memory is almost a personal defense mechanism.