Upset, can't sleep

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Feeling a bit fragile, need to talk to nice people again.

I recently started a job, and I am dead knackered what with a horrible commute and dealing with other responsibilities. I've asked for help from friends, to deal with impossible timetable. Best friend has helped a lot, even with a lot of family stress. Then someone who I have helped in the past, and who promised to help me, basically goes out of the way to point out that she can't be arsed to just remember one tiny detail, even though it would cost me a lot of money if she forgot. I hate people like that. I would never do that to someone. If something is important to someone, I simply write it down, and I do it, just because it's important to them. She did something like it in the past, but I took it to be more innocent than it was. I couldn't believe she was that sh***y.

Then today, because I'm a bit slow on the uptake, I didn't realize until after work that my boss got her knickers in a twist because doesn't trust that I work the hours that I say. I didn't understand why she seemed so worked up, since her boss is handling it. But it's this neurotic suspicion that is always aimed my way. It's almost funny; I'm a million times more reliable than those people, which is probably why they find trust so hard. Projection, much? And now the nicest colleague is leaving for another company. Possibly a sign.

It's fascinating; for all my working life my hours have been based on trust, and now that I'm almost forty, people start calling for the digital equivalent of punching cards. Partly it is the times we live in; trust is eroding, everybody's from somewhere where the rules are different, and I feel like I've moved to a different country, but I'm not certain which country that is.

Just wanted to share my melancholia. I was supposed to go to bed early, but now I can't sleep, I'm so pissed off and hurt. In the end, decided not to use her help at all. Better that way. I do not beg.

I hope you got to sleep eventually.

I like you. You give sensible advice.

I just think you might be getting used to being in the workforce again.

Sorry your going through this.

The worst thing one can do is count on other people. It's not that people are bad--it's just that they're mostly into their "own thing."

I wish that person who "couldn't be bothered" was more appreciative of your past efforts.

Thanks, Kraftie. I sometimes have a hard time remembering who I am dealing with - I deal with people who are radically different when it comes to basic values, and then sometimes the things I think are self-evident are not.

I am struggling with getting used to working, plus some additional pressures.

What I hate is the social pressure at work. When I get too tired, I start talking too much. And then people start punishing me for it. And it goes downhill from there. All out of EF.

What I hate is looking at this slow descent into burnout, which has happened a million times before. Husband is ecstatic about me finding a job, but I am less enthusiastic; the job actually has to be done, and I generally find dealing with my co-workers to be much more demanding than the actual job.

Add some dodgy male employees, and I'm not happy about working overtime once the boss has left for the day.

I got one hour of sleep. Hoping to get through the day, no idea how I will manage other responsibilities.

I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

Do these male employees flirt with you?

It seem like you work in an office environment. Is it IT-related?

Thank you for replying, Kraftie. You don't know how much it means for me that there is someone out there who understands.

I am sorry for my late reply. This working week has been brutal, and then I just crashed yesterday. Today is better, and next week I won't have so many other responsibilites, so I can focus on work.

I finally managed to sleep, but it took a couple of nights to get back to normal. When I'm dealing with this much pressure, I just can't handle it when I'm blindsided with something emotional.

It's not an IT job, but part of my job is in front of a computer, and part of it is very physical, which is actually great for my health.

There is one guy at work who was giving me this sick smile that when I was younger, I would interpret as a friendly smile, but as I get older, I realize it just means the guy is horny. Seriously, Intense World Theory makes perfect sense to me, and this is way too intense! I do not want to know this s**t! It's a workplace with a lot of young muslim men, a couple of whom seem to be on stereoids, another guy who is sporting a jihadi style beard. I think the management is going out of their way to hire women, so as to achieve some kind of gender balance. The nicest guy there is leaving at the end of the month, I'm taking over part of his job.

I'm not certain that this is a workplace I will stay at forever, but I see it as a great opportunity to learn a business. Who knows how long I will last, though. Already, my new boss is switching between friendliness and wilfully misinterpreting things I say, desperately looking for something to blame me for.

I have a certain superficial charm, I think. When people haven't been around me a lot, I think they find my energy and enthusiasm attractive. Until they realize I don't have a tuner; it's either on max or off. Monday I have a big practical project planned with a couple of colleagues. It'll be interesting to see if I can do the physically heavy job all day and still mind my social skills. One of the hardest things for me is social hierarchy. I only see people as indivuduals, and I don't understand how to treat them as bosses. Or when someone is not telling me something, waiting for me to ask. Or when I should really shut up, but it just takes so much energy to keep everything inside.

One thing I find funny in life; I spent my youth as a desperate wallflower, much like a lot of people on this forum. Then I got married, got old and fat, and now I get a bit of attention from men, which just goes to show that it's really not all about looks. And also that attention from the opposite sex is not all it's cracked up to be. You really only need that one person.

aw, hugs. I'm really sorry that you're going through such a rough time. I know when I'm struggling music really helps, or books. Anything to get my mind off of the pain. I hope the situation at work sure does improve.

Thank you for your kind words, Bridgette.

In fact the situation has improved. It's still exhausting but less so, and today I was told that our customers are really happy with my work and the information they are getting from me, so yay! Finally getting some use for my magpie memory and nitpickiness!

I hope you use these positive experiences for times when you feel down.

I wish people would do that more--use their positive experiences--instead of cogitating over the negative all the time

(I mean "people" in general, not you).

Glad things are looking up, and you've received that validation from your customers, as that can help so much. Just wanted to say that if I had run across your post, sooner, I would have wanted to help or console you, as you have been of great help to me in past, even when not directed toward me. Glad you are feeling better, underwater.

Thank you. Sorry for the late reply, I've been so exhausted that I a not really handling anything outside work. I'm dealing with some health problems as well, so there is little energy to go on in a crisis.

It means a lot to me than I can be of help to others, though. I wouldn't know what to do without you guys on WP; I hope I've managed to support some other people.

Well, the scary thing about relying on positive experiences is that they can sorta wear thin if you use them a lot.

That said, the positive feedback from customers is great because they don't need to keep me happy, so it means they really mean it.

I think that the guy I am cooperating with the most is getting tired of me a bit though. I think it's because I ask for clarification a lot. And he thinks I should be doing things faster and not ask him to repeat stuff. But what can I do? It's either knowing or not knowing. Not knowing how to do one's job is not fun.

I really hope that things improve for you health wise, and that things at your job become easier. I hope the good days can get you through the bad days, and overall, things get better for you.

Thank you Bridgette. It is easier now, and work in particular has gotten a lot nicer. There are struggles, but I am dealing with them. Sorry for the late reply, when I am overwhelmed I have a really hard time with replying to things.

I'm crossing my fingers for you and your boyfriend as well