Lost a lover from my own bad habits

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I loved him. A lot. I'm still trying to get over him, but even that seems far from coming.

What had happened was an entire shit-list of things that makes me want to tape a pillow to my face and slowly suffocate. One was disappearing for two months... not even my fault, I just wish I checked in more often. He'd known of my suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and so when I vanished, he thought I'd died. He has a different girlfriend now and I'm just sitting here trying to figure out my next course of action. The best I've come up with is sitting here on my phone, laying on my side, and staring into the blank pixels of my screen.

I want, oh so desperately to die right now. However, a promise made, is one that is left unbroken.