I'm so tired and beaten down...

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I don't know what to do right now, everyone... I went to the library today to try and draw...and when I got there, I only read books (I know that's the point of being in a library, but nonetheless...), never once attempting to draw or even write. I used to love writing and drawing, but now, I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant to start drawing when I have the opportunity to do so. I have so many ideas rolling around in my head, but I can't bring myself to put any of those ideas to the paper. I don't know whether I'm worried that people won't like my ideas, whether I'm worried that I'm not gonna be original or if I'm just afraid of putting in the effort that I used to because of the previous two reasons.

Then my mom comes to pick me up...clearly fed up with my sister caring more about staying on the video games all the time instead of actually helping with cleaning up the house for her own graduation party, taking her sweet time to get moving even though I'm waiting for Mom at the library and wanting to avoid having anything to do with the puppies (with my sister going so far as to say that even while they're just sleeping and chilling out, she wants to strangle them, not wanting to take care of them anymore even though she asked for one of the puppies). She doesn't even seem to care whether or not she gets a job (never mind how we're currently in a tight spot financially and we need the money to stay afloat), and I really wish that I could get my own car and my driver's license (and I wish I could get a job...if I weren't so afraid of how I'd be able to handle myself in a real job).

Then there's also the fact that Dad simply won't leave the house even though he agreed to move out after Mikhaila graduated. He's been cheating on my mother for decades now, had barely paid attention to her during the course of their marriage and has been making life in the house a complete hell for everyone when Mom fell in love with someone who actually cared about her and loved her for who she was back in 2014, and is doing everything he can to screw us out of the house and everything in it so that Matt (who is Mom's new flame) won't come to live in it.

Plus, thanks to how tight money has been lately, we haven't been able to get out of the house very much, leaving me with a serious feeling of cabin fever. That, coupled with my fear of how I'll handle myself in public situations and interactions, my lack of self-confidence, my lack of initiative and discipline and my ever-growing distaste for society, has driven me into depression, unsure if everything will get better or not...

I don't know what to do or how to handle all of this... And I apologize if this seems kinda wangsty or whiny or anything like that. I just need someplace to vent and I just need some kind of support. I'm just reaching the end of my rope here and I don't know how to cope with everything going on in my life... If anyone can help offer some kind of support as soon as possible, I would greatly appreciate it.

With all of those troubles engulfing you, it is easy to understand your not being able to do your usual writing or drawing...and reading might actually be a good thing as at least some temporary escape and release from your on-going mental and emotional loads. I do not have any suggestions to offer along the line of trying to change your circumstances, but welcome to WrongPlanet and may you make some enjoyable and helpful connections here!