Struggling with Depression: Passions

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Hey all,

I'm in the depths of depression and I want to disclose firstly that I am getting professional help but there are questions which are a little deeper that maybe people here answer better for me.

So here's my dilemma... I became depressed whilst at university. It began when my then girlfriend's parents didn't like me and made our lives a living misery for the following 2.5 years until she gave up on us. They didn't like me because I was autistic! (Biggots basically). She also was heavily affected by depression and we still talk today and remain best friends.

Moving on... 3 years later almost from when the depression first began and I'm no better in myself. I'm exhausted, my brain isn't working straight and my memory is atrocious. The latter (memory being atrocious) makes me doubt and criticise myself because no amount of positive thinking or forgiveness has freed me. I read books and watch videos whenever I can focus and concentrate for a short while and it always points to knowing your passions. Since the depression... I don't know my passions anymore. They were farming/agriculture, horticulture and helping others but now I don't feel anything. Without my passions what am I to do with life but drag myself along and just simply "exist"? I feel like my life is wasting away and all I want to do is feel life in my veins again.

Any advice would be really appreciated. I consider myself an intelligent person but this one really stumps me.

Thanks

Im not really sure what you could do to get your passions back. It sounds like your girlfriend made your world different. Get another girlfriend maybe?

Ive been feeling passionateless lately because I broke up with my boyfriend. I simply exist now.

If I were in your situation, I'd probably go back to those interests you mentioned. Perhaps a spark can be ignited.

When I am down, I feel fortunate that I could go to YouTube and either listen to old rhythm and blues songs (preferably performed by the singers during the time when they were popular) or watch old baseball games.

I'd on on an interest smorgasbord craze if I were you. A free-for-all. Even that might be fun!
Fling your proverbial net wide and try everything and anything you can, if you don't have a clear idea of where your passions lay. Maybe you'll hit on something you never would have considered, but actually love? What is around you? What can you get involved with, and try out, even if it doesn't seem likely?
Maybe something related to, but not the same as, your past passions? What was it about agriculture and horticulture that you loved? Is there something adjacent you can use to re-ignite those interests - maybe you could get interested in green living, conservation, permaculture, and self-sufficient independent living to reduce your (and others') environmental footprint while at the same time saving you all money, encouraging community, and living healthier more wholesome lives as a result?
Also, are you sure depression is your only problem? Those kinds of symptoms can be indicative of something else - recently I even read the account of a woman who was having a severe auto-immune-like illness which was taking away all her quality of life until she felt almost infirm - but ended up curing it with a fecal transplant, of all things.
That might be TMI but the point is there might be something else going on - vitamin deficiency? Hormonal problem? Sleep issue? Food intolerance? Taking a look at your health and situation holistically instead of just assuming it's all depression might also be helpful.

Your situation sounds very familiar to me. Before and when I was together with my girlfriend, my passion was learning languages, and basically everything I did at university. Then I graduated, moved to England, started working, and my girlfriend broke up with me, which left me without anything to be passionate about. Far away from my family and friends, in a job I didn't like, I had nothing to care about. I was empty.

Back to your question... going back to old passions partially worked for me. Before university, I used to be a PC gamer, so I built myself a gaming computer and started doing that again. I also needed a car to get out of my job, and/or to be able to visit different places in my free time, so I started taking driving lessons. I enjoyed them so much that driving became my new passion. I got to the point when I have my dream car parking just outside my window. I love going to work and coming home. What's between is a different story. I also went to a few rock/metal festivals in the summer, hoping that the crowd and noise would fill me up with something new, and they did! I used to be a "stand in the back with a beer" kind of guy, but now I love being in a mosh pit. That's where all my bitterness washes away, and I feel nothing else than the present moment. I'm still not the same person I was before, and I don't think I ever will be, but at least I have something that resembles a life again. I miss being the old me, but he's dead.

I agree with C2V. Jumping into anything you think, or someone tells you about might work. When you really love someone, your breakup kills the person you used to be, and you have to find yourself again. It's hard work, and the new you might not be, and probably will not be the same person you were before, but this is the only way, I guess.