no one to reach out to

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Not ten minutes ago I lie in bed crying for a number of different reasons.

I decide to get up and IM my sis-in-law, really the only person who I feel understands me just a little and whom I could talk to or go visit, and she goes idle. Now, the mood has passed and I feel like an idiot for even trying. She is about the only one who I would confide in.

Whenever I feel the need to reach out for someone's help, I stop myself. I just can't do it. A lot of it is learned behavior over the years. You know, no one helps you anyway, whenever I'm around or bring up topics, nobody is interested so why bother, things will somehow magically 'get better'. Some people are 'too close to me' for me to really divulge anything of importance and I always feel as if they have enough to deal with anyway without me piling on even more. Not to mention I would probably end up in some type of custody if I brought up certain issues to them.

I hate this. It just feels like I am on my own no matter what. Everyone else could just care less if I ever become a living, breathing, happy, productive human being. I guess they don't 'see' anything wrong with me and probably attribute it to me being generally antisocial. F I hate depression, sorry for rambling.

If you are "too close" to someone to "burden" them with some things, they are close enough to you to want to help relieve some of that burden from you.

People can help, some even want to help, but first you must trust them. That may be very difficult, and you may have to pick and choose those you trust enough to confide in, but it is worth it.

It may seem very obvious to you that things aren't "right," but it may not be to others. You said yourself you try to keep it from those you care about, rather than put some sort of burden on them.

Just remember there are people that care, and there are people that want to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at times.

i am on my own no matter what and would not like to change it. it's better to be on your own than ask for help or at least understanding and be rejected. i don't need anybody at all, and that's very good feeling. i don't want to be rejected again. and if you have nobody to help you, you cannot complain, and if you don't complain, you don't feel so bad. depression comes, when it knows that you may ask for help, more often than when it knows that you cannot afford it. at least that's how it works with me.

I agree that they probably do want to help, or would want to if they knew how bad things were for me. But, I also have a major self-worth issue where I always seem to put myself at the bottom of everyone's list, regardless of whether or not they even know that I want to be on it. A constant struggle for me, really.

Trust is, of course, another difficult one for me. I fear others' reactions, ridicule, rejection, ulterior motives, gossip, conspiring against me, etc.

More learned behavior and observations: if you need to ask for help, you aren't taking responsibility for yourself, not being "manly" or are considered a weak person.

A better topic subject might have been "can't reach out to anyone" rather than the one I chose, because I do have people to reach out to, it is just very hard for me.

It isn't weakness to ask for help. Most people aren't able to make it through life completely on their own. Unless you want to, and it doesn't sound like it, there's no reason to.

I do understand what you're going through, I've dealt with a lot of the issues you brought up in this thread in the past. Just take it a little bit at a time, don't view it as an all or nothing thing.

I know what you mean, because I have been there, but I no longer have the means to cope on my own so it would be nice to get some support from the ones who are supposed to care.

you are right, i can't go on like this forever

Hi,

Sorry for your pain. I always feel alone, unless I drink. Do not feel connected to anyone or anything unless I have a litte liquid courage in me.

I have been meaning to start a thread on this to see if anyone else is this way.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. It is very difficult not feeling connected. Try your best to build those bridges because they will help ease your suffering.

crazedchef

Thanks crazedchef and others who've replied.

I usually don't feel alone, in fact, I usually like being alone. But everyone needs someone to turn to every now and then when alone is not a comfortable place anymore. Drinking helps for certain things, but can also be dangerous if it becomes your someone to turn to. Sometimes I use it.

When I found WP last year I knew that I wasn't alone anymore. I haven't posted a lot here, but it has helped me immensely.

My sis-in-law responded and we had a good chat. She's had similar hurdles in her life so she understands and, perhaps more importantly, accepts, what I'm going through.

I printed out a quick sheet I wrote up about AS and am going to give it to mom tonight. It's a start, I hope.