Do you ever get told off for not acting your age?

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Alita
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24 Jun 2017, 1:49 pm

Sometimes I'll have people expecting me to be further along with different stuff at the age I'm at. Some of these people will be quite unpleasant about making clear their opinions, especially when it comes to marriage, buying a house, making money and otherwise 'having it all together'.

Most of the time, I haven't said anything about Asperger's to these people because I'm not even sure it's autism-related. But I feel like I'm emotionally much, much younger than most NTs out there. I feel like I'm still supposed to be in high school, to be honest.

Does anyone here ever have to deal with this? How do you respond to those people? I never know what to say; I just wish they'd f*** off.


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C2V
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25 Jun 2017, 11:49 am

I don't socialize well enough to have any of these people in my life, frankly. So perhaps any response of mine won't be especially useful. Who are they? Friends? Relatives? Work related?
The only people I'm around with any frequency are relations, who all treat me like I'm stupid. Not much pressure to act your age there, when they think I'm not capable of anything without supervision and interference.
But as far as I can see, this whole "act your age" thing isn't about age. It's about conformity and social pressure. Especially the aspects of it you mention, such as marriage and owning a house and securing a career.
I would assume if you made it clear you're anarchistic in those areas, and you don't have a husband and a mortgage, 2.5 children and a golden retriever, because you don't choose to follow blindly along with social expectations, instead preferring to make your own way according to your own terms, then that would be a form of defense if they're trying to put you down using this axiom.


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Ashariel
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25 Jun 2017, 4:24 pm

Alita wrote:
I feel like I'm still supposed to be in high school, to be honest.


2nd grade was the last time I felt I was as mature as my classmates. After that, they became pre-teens and I stayed a 7-year-old. I don't think I've matured much since then.



kraftiekortie
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26 Jun 2017, 9:44 am

My wife always says I act like an old man.



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27 Jun 2017, 7:44 am

Hi Alita,

It depends on how your relationship is with these people. If they are distant people you hardly know, then just tell them it is not of their business. If they are more familiar then say something like "Don't rush me! I like to take my time, thank you very much. " If they are people very close to you, then you should explain to them why you need more time, eg because you have autism or have certain specific plans that take time, or that you have different interests etc.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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27 Jun 2017, 9:07 pm

Sometimes I'll have people expecting me to be further along with different stuff at the age I'm at. Some of these people will be quite unpleasant about making clear their opinions, especially when it comes to marriage, buying a house, making money and otherwise 'having it all together'.

Most of the time, I haven't said anything about Asperger's to these people because I'm not even sure it's autism-related. But I feel like I'm emotionally much, much younger than most NTs out there. I feel like I'm still supposed to be in high school, to be honest.

Does anyone here ever have to deal with this? How do you respond to those people? I never know what to say; I just wish they'd f*** off.
_______________________________________________________________________________

emotionally, sometimes i feel much younger than i am. in that i have not done a lot of activities. such as "marriage, buying a house, making money" at a job above minimum wage. the only jobs i had were minimum wage. and got fired. certainly nothing requiring my AA or BA degrees. and nothing that any old monkey could not do. not only that, but only several times have i drunk coffee or alcohol. and hardly ever drive. unlike precious lil "people" over 10, i ain't addicted to the phone.

my precious lil "parents" used to gimmie a hard time about it. then my precious lil "mom" dropped dead 2 years ago. it's just my precious lil "dad" now, and he has stage 4 (out of 4, four the highest ranking), colon cancer. so whatever.

a couple times, job interviewers had the nerve to tell me off for not getting more work experience. and i passive aggressively tolerated it. did not feel like i had a choice. but they did not hire me anyways. so.... maybe i should've just told them off.

but whatever.

and sometimes i feel older than my age. b/c my brain is so slow and weak. and body symptoms. physically, mentally, emotionally.

who are those precious lil "people" that tell you off for not acting your age? family, friends, acquaintances, enemies, coworkers, classmates, bosses, strangers?

what response to give, or even whether or not to give a response, depends on the context.

every situation is different.

if it was someone i never before and probably will never interact with again. then why waste the energy.

if you have to interact with someone on a regular basis, that's different.