Can someone make me more hopeful?

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I take medication for anxiety (busiprone/pristiq). For the past decade plus a half, everything has been downhill for me and today I have barely any positive thinking. I have over-saturated my parents by doing nothing but complain to them all the time. I'm always called debbie downer, eeyore, etc. I can not get a girlfriend with an attitude like this. But how am I supposed to think I am something that I'm not? How can I be positive when it's a big physical and mental challenge to do things like get a job, socialize, smile, or even walk outside the house?

Right now it feels like I'm dying. One big thing is that I'm tired of being single again, and I want a girlfriend by the end of the month. I'm not going to accept a snail's pace. I want quicker progress.

You can talk all you want, but doing something is going to always be the best solution.

I know, but doing something sounds overwhelming. I don't know the first step. Maybe I'm just defected as a human being.

K_Kelly, I've read some of your posts, and you constantly keep on telling the world you are terrible. You are not a terrible human being.

Hmm - well, mindfulness helps me a lot. That and dharma. Some of it may only be beneficial for Buddhists, but then again some of it can be applied to everyone. My interests also help - I can get really into things, and get engaged talking about and focusing on those things, instead of always on myself and my problems.
Sometimes I'm convinced that negative self-obsessive behaviour can be due to boredom. Do you have enough in your life to keep you engaged, without that mind turning inward and obsessively cannibalizing yourself? That's how it seems to me if I am not engaged.
Plus, I think this sort of attitude change IS an effort. It won't just magically happen without any effort. Mindfulness helps you put in that effort gently. To examine your thinking and gradually begin to alter it. But you can't rush it if you're not ready.
Why are you in such a panic to get into a relationship? Isn't focusing on your own wellbeing and getting yourself sorted out first enough until you're doing better?

I feel like a panic to get into a relationship because, maybe I secretly, in the back of my mind, still think that the world will end soon, or the chance that I'll die young. I'm sorry, but my thoughts about the "end of the world" scenarios can also drive me crazy.

^ That would logically explain the urgency. Have you been able to address the doomsday issue yet? Getting that off your mind might help you be more hopeful - I suppose it's difficult to be hopeful if you're always expecting the end of the world.

I take medication for anxiety (busiprone/pristiq). For the past decade plus a half, everything has been downhill for me and today I have barely any positive thinking. I have over-saturated my parents by doing nothing but complain to them all the time. I'm always called debbie downer, eeyore, etc. I can not get a girlfriend with an attitude like this. But how am I supposed to think I am something that I'm not? How can I be positive when it's a big physical and mental challenge to do things like get a job, socialize, smile, or even walk outside the house?

Right now it feels like I'm dying. One big thing is that I'm tired of being single again, and I want a girlfriend by the end of the month. I'm not going to accept a snail's pace. I want quicker progress.
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if you find it a "big physical and mental challenge to do things like get a job, socialize, smile, or even walk outside," then what method do you propose, to find a girlfriend by the end of the month? what's so great about a girlfriend anyways? how are you going to meet someone if you do not socialize a lot?

yeah sometimes i complain too much. but not that much lately. b/c i get tired of complaining. and talking takes so much energy. too much energy.

and i ain't not no precious lil "Friends". the most is precious lil "people" that passive aggressively put up with my worthless corpse. but that was when i was 18-21. now i am 34, and i get paranoid that if i impose upon someone like i did when i was young, then they will turn out too good to be true. and that won't be until after i make the mistake of forming an emotional attachment.

but what is there to hope for? hope seems a bit optimistic or greedy. in a way.

yeah things could get better. but things could get worse too.

b/c sometimes i feel like in order for me to get into a functional social interaction (even friendship much less a date), both parties have to write a written contract. about what each party will do and what each party will not do. and otherwise, if contract broken, then what.

b/c i seriously do not want to hear anyone refer to himself/herself as "we", "people", or "most people". ever again.

I see life as a logic puzzle. If there are more ways for you to fail than there are to succeed, then start by learning what not to do by experiencing a few failures. By doing so, you will know how to avoid failure more often, thereby increasing your chances of success. Life gives you many chances to try at something, so why waste it by not even trying? Use those extra chances to learn from your mistakes and gain invaluable experience. Think back on your life to all of the times that you have failed at something. Surely you know what caused those failures, and it's that knowledge that prevents you from repeating the same mistakes. That is the very nature of how people grow as individuals and gain experience.

From what i can read you don't seem to be such a bad person, you just seem to be trapped in a vortex of negativity. I am aware that getting out of it is absolutely tough, considering that you, just like most of the people on here, had to work so so hard to get through life.

We all had to face a saddening amount of negativity, and i know that it is hard not to get dragged down by this, but is it really worth it? Despite our disadvantages we have a fairly high amount of advantages that we just don't perceive as such due to the bullying we had to endure.

As for your relationship status, maybe this shouldn't be your priority right now. Focus on yourself, your interests, and above all your health. After taking care of this, everything will happen at some point in time. Don't rush into a relationship in order to not be alone anymore. Take your time!

Don't worry, it is really not that bad.

Don't rush into a relationship in order to not be alone anymore.
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yes. if you rush into a relationship, your standards are lower. thus, maybe that would make it easier for the relationship to end sooner or worse, than if you take your time looking for a relationship.

Rational Wiki defines "false hope" as

"False hope is hope built entirely around a fantasy, a hope that has no knowable chance of coming to fruition."

strangers on the Internet are not psychic or telepathic. strangers on the internet have no method of knowing whether what you hope for is going to happen, likely to happen, possible, or impossible.

however, the word "hope" has a positive connotation.

but hope could be negative.

for example, "false hope".

It sounds like you definitely need to talk to someone you can trust
about your anxiety regarding the end of the world.

Hi Phoenix. Long time no see.

I know that the world was supposed to end.....when the Crab Nebula was formed around 1000 AD.

And many, many times since.

Nope....it hasn't ended, despite all the prognosticators.

We are still here, worrying about the end of the world.

And we'll still be here worrying many millennia from now.