Visited half siblings for the first time. It did not go well
Hi, this is the first post i have ever made on this forum. I am 25 years old and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2009.
The reason i have joined this forum today is because i feel the need to share this unfortunate story that happened to me just 2 days ago.
To start off my Mom and Dad separated when i was 1 years old. I have lived with my Mom and Grandma (Grampa passed in 2003) ever since. My Mom never remarried and i am an only child.
My dad married another woman and together they have 5 children.
I have only seen my father 3 times in my life, once when i was 6, when i was 10 and now the visit i had 2 days ago when i am now 25.
Growing up i always knew my dad had other children but i didn't know much about them.
Being an only child growing up with Aspergers was a very lonely experience for me, especially because for most of of my childhood i never knew i had Aspergers.
I never really had any friends in school, i was always the quiet one, and no matter how hard i tried things never worked out in that regard.
Now as a 25 year old man socializing is still just as hard for me . I have never been able to make permanent friends in all my life and i have never had a girlfriend. In regards to the girlfriend situation it doesn't help that i am pretty unattractive. Being an ugly guy and having Aspergers is a pretty tough situation to be in .
But to get back to the main subject, after my father visited me when i was 10 i had never heard from him since. I always wanted to contact him and meet my half siblings but i was always afraid to contact him because i was not sure if he wanted anything to do with me.
But last month after 15 years i finally got the courage the contact him and he seemed happy to hear from me.
He arranged for me to meet him and his family a few weeks later.
I was so happy because i always wanted to meet my half siblings.
When the day came i was very nervous, i got the train to his house, he lives a 3 hour train ride from me.
But unfortunately as the title says the visit didn't go as well as i thought it might go.
My Dad picked me up from the train station and things seemed to be going very well so far. He was telling all about my half siblings, He had 3 boys and 2 girls aged 22 girl, 20 boy, 19 boy, 16 girl and 9 boy.
I was very nervous and excited to meet them.
He said that they knew about me for a number of years.
When we arrived at his home, i was greeted by his wife and 9 year old son. His wife seemed nice enough, and the 9 year old son was very friendly too, he even asked me to play nintendo switch the second he saw me.
But the sad part of this story is the part about the other siblings, none of the other siblings were very welcoming to me.
I did not know and still not know why did not like me. I was very nice to them and really wanted to have a bond with them. Everything was rushing through my mind, maybe they did not like me because i was too ugly and had bad acne and overweight. Was it because of my social awkwardness due to Aspergers. I did not tell them or my dad that i had aspergers because a lot of times in the past when i tell people about it they don't understand and it scares them away from me and even if i did tell my half siblings about my aspergers i dont think it would have made much difference. When i was leaving i shook each one of their hands and said that it was very nice to meet them but none of them said the same back and they all looked at me with a very fake grin.
The only thing that came good of the visit was meeting my father, i am very happy that i have made a bond with him again after soo many years.
But at the same time i am absolutely heartbroken and devastated that my half siblings did not like me , i really tried my best to connect with them but they seemed completely uninterested in making any bond and connection with me.
I really don't if it was because of me being ugly or my social awkwardness .
I really tried to have conversations with them to get to know them but it was always me asking the questions and them barely answering and they never started a conversation me with at all as they seemed completely uninterested in me from the get go. I feel they never gave me a fair chance.
But i understand that you cant force anyone to like you and i accept that.
I just feel just soo depressed and sad over it you know.
I know i am a pretty ugly guy but do i really deserve to be hated by people because of that.
Is there anybody on this that can cheer me up and give me some advise of how i can recover for this heartbreaking situation.
I have lost faith in society because nobody ever likes me no matter how nice i am to them. Everyone sees my uglyness and social awkwardness first and never gives me a chance.
I feel like i want to stay at home forever and never come outside anymore because no one loves me or ever will love me.
My Mom and grandma who i live with are the only people that truly love me.
So in conclusion can someone give me advice on how to be happy again after my half siblings rejecting me. I cant force anyone to like and i accept that, but please i need advice on how to be happy again after this because i am really really sad right now .
Thank you all for reading
Last edited by thisismelemon on 06 Aug 2018, 12:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
I have some thoughts about this.
1. You don't really know what was going on for them - fake grin? You might be misinterpreting their facial expression. Maybe they are kind of shy.
2. Do you think your Dad is unaware that you have Asperger's? If he is unaware, you should tell him, and perhaps he could prepare your half-siblings how to be more welcoming.
3. Do yourself a favor and get some medical treatment for the acne. You said several times that you are ugly or unattractive. Change your self image, do as much objectively as you can (treat acne, lose some weight, whatever) and then change how you describe yourself. This has little to do with half-siblings but lots to do with how you will do in life.
Welcome to WrongPlanet. I know you wanted help feeling better about the unfortunately ill-fated meeting. I just want you to feel better about things, generally. Don't rule out a future visit, either. Good luck!
_________________
A finger in every pie.
The reason i have joined this forum today is because i feel the need to share this unfortunate story that happened to me just 2 days ago.
To start off my Mom and Dad separated when i was 1 years old. I have lived with my Mom and Grandma (Grampa passed in 2003) ever since. My Mom never remarried and i am an only child.
My dad married another woman and together they have 5 children.
I have only seen my father 3 times in my life, once when i was 6, when i was 10 and now the visit i had 2 days ago when i am now 25.
Growing up i always knew my dad had other children but i didn't know much about them.
Being an only child growing up with Aspergers was a very lonely experience for me, especially because for most of of my childhood i never knew i had Aspergers.
I never really had any friends in school, i was always the quiet one, and no matter how hard i tried things never worked out in that regard.
Now as a 25 year old man socializing is still just as hard for me . I have never been able to make permanent friends in all my life and i have never had a girlfriend. In regards to the girlfriend situation it doesn't help that i am pretty unattractive. Being an ugly guy and having Aspergers is a pretty tough situation to be in .
But to get back to the main subject, after my father visited me when i was 10 i had never heard from him since. I always wanted to contact him and meet my half siblings but i was always afraid to contact him because i was not sure if he wanted anything to do with me.
But last month after 15 years i finally got the courage the contact him and he seemed happy to hear from me.
He arranged for me to meet him and his family a few weeks later.
I was so happy because i always wanted to meet my half siblings.
When the day came i was very nervous, i got the train to his house, he lives a 3 hour train ride from me.
But unfortunately as the title says the visit didn't go as well as i thought it might go.
My Dad picked me up from the train station and things seemed to be going very well so far. He was telling all about my half siblings, He had 3 boys and 2 girls aged 22 girl, 20 boy, 19 boy, 16 girl and 9 boy.
I was very nervous and excited to meet them.
He said that they knew about me for a number of years.
When we arrived at his home, i was greeted by his wife and 9 year old son. His wife seemed nice enough, and the 9 year old son was very friendly too, he even asked me to play nintendo switch the second he saw me.
But the sad part of this story is the part about the other siblings, none of the other siblings were very welcoming to me.
I did not know and still not know why did not like me. I was very nice to them and really wanted to have a bond with them. Everything was rushing through my mind, maybe they did not like me because i was too ugly and had bad acne and overweight. Was it because of my social awkwardness due to Aspergers. I did not tell them or my dad that i had aspergers because a lot of times in the past when i tell people about it they don't understand and it scares them away from me and even if i did tell my half siblings about my aspergers i dont think it would have made much difference. When i was leaving i shook each one of their hands and said that it was very nice meet them but none of them said the same back and they all looked at me with a very fake grin.
The only thing that came good of the visit was meeting my father, i am very happy that i have made a bond with him again after soo many years.
But at the same time i am absolutely heartbroken and devastated that my half siblings did not like me , i really tried my best to connect with them but they seemed completely uninterested in making any bond and connection with me.
I really don't if it was because of me being ugly or my social awkwardness .
I really tried to have conversations with them to get to know them but it was always me asking the questions and them barely answering and they never started a conversation me with at all as they seemed completely uninterested in me from the get go. I feel they never gave me a fair chance.
But i understand that you cant force anyone to like you and i accept that.
I just feel just soo depressed and sad over it you know.
I know i am a pretty ugly guy but do i really deserve to be hated by people because of that.
Is there anybody on this that can cheer me up and give me some advise of how i can recover for this heartbreaking situation.
I have lost faith in society because nobody ever likes me no matter how nice i am to them. Everyone sees my uglyness and social awkwardness first and never gives me a chance.
I feel like i want to stay at home forever and never come outside anymore because no one loves me or ever will love me.
My Mom and grandma who i live with are the only people that truly love me.
So in conclusion can someone give me advice on how to be happy again after my half siblings rejecting me. I cant force anyone to like and i accept that, but please i need advice on how to be happy again after this because i am really really sad right now .
Thank you all for reading
I'm sorry they were not very welcoming. I think this might have less to do with you than you think though. Depending on what they knew of you growing up, they might feel betrayed by their father and may be directing that at you, or jealous that there is a new person in their life who may take away resources from them.
My uncle has a half sibling he refuses to meet because her existence reminds him that his father betrayed him when he left the family and started a new one. He can't personally dislike her though because he doesn't actually know her.
They can't dislike you personally because they don't know you. You did nothing wrong. Something else is probably at play here.
The most important thing here is that it went well with your dad. I dont have a very good relationship with my dad, we hardly talk. Your lucky you and your dad get along. It may be that this isnt about you and your half siblings are just cold with everyone. This happend to me before when I thought someone was being cold to just me and it turns out she is like that to everyone.
And if it is you they dont like who cares? Thats their problem. What matters is if your comfortable with yourself. And that you get to see your dad. You should just visit your dad and ignore the others.
Last bumped by thisismelemon on 09 Aug 2018, 3:46 pm.
