My heart is broken

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Hi,
I had a falling out with an off and on toxic friend who is one of those people who can't seem to watch his mouth and often can like to criticize and nag at other people. He once again said some really hurtful things during our last interactions in backhanded compliments. I had told him to stop on several occasions and he agreed that he would but he kept at it.

The first time, we met it was "For the some reason when I was walking over here, I felt sorry for you. But then I thought, no you have everything going for you."

The second time he used his little barbs in front of some good friends of mine and I tried to put on a therapist cap and try to help him by sending him some resources to help with his low self-esteem.
After that, he ghosted on me and didn't return my emails or anything. I finally did confront him via email. Though he ignored for a month, he finally responded after bumping into me and ignoring me. He said that he was sorry and acknowledged that he was acting immature but said that he felt we were not good for each other and wanted to act civil to each other with very little communication and he wasn't going to contact me after that.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting. He doesn't seem to have been very nice to you. You deserve more respect than that.

Hi Summer_T,

This is a sucky situation. It hurts to be mistreated, and it hurts even more when people who mistreat you do it for no reason that you can see. (Misunderstanding can be a reason, but that can usually be cleared up if there's any good will.)

The best you can do, most of the time, is face the fact that people exist who hurt others on purpose, for whatever reason, and you encountered one. Write the person off as a loss and keep on going.

Don't waste more energy on them, and make sure that you don't invest your time and heart doing them any more favors and kindnesses, because unless they change in fundamental ways, they'll always seem to be compelled to hurt you. You'll just feel like a sucker when the smoke clears and you realize they did it again.

Al-Anon and CODA both teach that "you didn't cause it, you don't control it, and you can't cure it". Just as true of these folks as it is of anyone else. The only person who can change them is themselves.

(edit in: honestly, you don't need to know why - knowing "that" is enough. trying to understand the reason(s) just keeps you focused on them, when the best thing for you is to focus on you. Put them behind you and move on.)

I want to put something else out there and I feel sorry for him on this. Blocking each other on social media and anything that in terms of personal communication is ok. However, he wants to be a professional writer and has a professional blog going. We were following each other but because I did not let him get away with being mean, he blocked me on there. That in my mind is not okay if you want to put yourself out there and perhaps meet the right people and it's too bad because what if I had professional networks that could have moved him forward? I know care if we are conflicting that doesn't mean shoot yourself in the foot,

He is a true definition of a jerk and he's 100% immature and perhaps a loser because he's got this delusion in his head that he's higher or better than I am. When in fact, he's a grown man in his 30's, doesn't drive a car and lost his teaching job and is working low-end position. Yet he has the nerve to treat me like that.

You need to try and let this go. You say he's a jerk and you don't want contact with him, yet your heart is broken. You say you want to block each other, but you don't think you should be blocked from his blog because what if he needs you some day?

You are still caring too much that this relationship "went south." Let it go. Believe me, it's for the best.

I will surely play that today but I since we lost the queen of soul, I am going to play "Chain of fools."

I have surely been enjoying all the Aretha Franklin music the tv networks have been running.

Even at age 76, Aretha died too young.

Anyway, what are some other good songs for moving on?

So far, I have
1. Bye, Bye Bye by N'Sync
2. I will Survive - Donna Summer
3. Keep me hanging on - The Supremes

I'm going to say it. Looks like you're in love with this guy. You're obsessing on him and he may or may not share the same feelings. What you clear is that you are not happy with him. Walk away.

I love the saying “May the bridges I burn light the way”. There seem to be a couple of songs with this title out there, but I didn’t like them, so I’ll fall back on “I Move On”, at the risk of repeating myself a bit too much.