I need a lot of support

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I'm needy, a sad and lonely little boy.

I wish I had people to spend time with offline. I feel so scared going around on my own.

I listen to H. P. Lovecraft audiobooks on my MP3 player as I go for walks each day where I look at the wildlife like the birds. I try to avoid human beings, going as far out into the sand dunes as possible.

Most people terrify me, their eyes are too protruding, their bodies too animated, I want to find people who are gentle and kind to spend time with me,

I drink heavily every day because it's the only thing that makes me immune to the hawkish stares of most the people out there.

You can overcome these issues with willpower. It's never too late, but pitying yourself, as hard as it is to get out of the cycle of doing so, will only make recovery harder.

I disagree with Prometheus. I’m not sure I can expain that, but I feel that ‘the will’ that is somewhat broken does more harm to us than good. In AA they talk about ‘self will run riot’ as a contributing cause to the ongoing problem.

Fifasy - I don’t know whether you know this, but alcohol is actually a depressant, and although it might be numbing the immediate pain, in the long term it is creating a large portion of that pain, or helping perpetuate that pain. I am not a drug & alcohol counsellor, but I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. Coming up to 30 years now. Beside the point. Stopping drinking literally saved my life. It is not easy as I then had to deal with a lot, and I mean a LOT of crap, but it sure has been worth it.

Please give some serious thought to reaching out to someone about the drinking side of things.

I think some people genuinely need help. But, on a site like this, I doubt that there are many of us who are so well off that we have the energy to give the help that others require.

I find that attempts to help here are ineffectual when compared with what I seem to be able to do elsewhere.

I regret that I don't know much about birds. I just watch them. I don't know which species they are except 2-3 species. I've seen a peregrine falcon a few times when I used to live in Snowdonia. They are quite rare.

There must be some people who dont suck in my town. But I feel the same way about people in my town. If there is anyone who doesnt suck, I have no idea how to make friends with them.

Those snake birds frighten me.

I quite like the area in which I live but I do miss the sea, I've not seen it in 4 years. Most people who live by the seaside probably do take it for granted, but it must be fantastic on a mild day in the winter/non-holiday period when there's no tourists around.