I want to cocoon

Post Reply New Topic

In some ways, I am better off now in this " temporary medical respite " place - But it also seems to underline how going down/nowhere my life is going, how my life is heading down, at least looking at it from one direction.
When I bought all those books in 2018, I pictured myself having a place, or at least a room, a private one, where I could read them. But the books are back in storage back in Santa Cruz, and I am here in San Francisco. I spend much of my time on my bed, as it's one way to mostly have my back not hurt, as it will often hurt in a normal chair I just need a strong, supporting, chair/s and bed, and surface to read from, with strong light. My vision is blurry with these drugstore glasses, even with this phone lit up . Some people here try to order me into a Patterson-type situation . Perhaps my dream of going to uni can never be . In that case. maybe I could hope for a pleasant decline .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I hope you get some sort of apartment-type place in San Francisco.

...A part I me is unhappy to have left San fa Cruz behind, it was warm and green - but there was nothing fkr me thers . I had rather a ritual I. SC of trying to touch something vreenor brow and alive every day. Now, in midtown SF, there's little green near me and I twisty touch the city street trees to touch something . A part of me doesn't want to grow old in a grey con fete city where it often rains - But then again, there can be more this vs to do in a city. and, crippled as I am , there's the factor of things being closer together - and more benefits perhaps being availed in lefty SF - I clouding that medical care I suppose I need - A part of me imagines a small town by the sea in Oregon ...

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...For all my dreams of going to uni belatedly, is it possible ? I dunno.
It would require: Getting help (non-financial/material( in applying, my records, etc. . Is it that likely ?
It would require me getting sufficient aid/grants/rehab money to pay for it - even a " not that high-level " one (And, remember, I emphasized that I was not realistically projecting myself " in a big-name/high-status "school. I wasn't. Is that " realistic " enough for you that you'll approve of me ?).
I'd need the physical energy - at my age and crippledness - to pull it off.
And the mental agility to do papers, etc. Am I really up to that? Especially now that I'm old and can't remotely have ' a young person's " experience ?
Seriously, I have thought that, even if I did it, I'd just aim for a year or so, not a full four-whatever years. Just a sweet taste of what could have once been .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!