There's a reason I'm not in regular contact with anybody.

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It gets called disability, disorder, disease & so on. I'm invisible. If I don't stay out of people's sight, I'll probably mess something up. If I say I care about someone, it's just a sick obsession to the rest of you. I shouldn't even be alive. I know a few people who helped me not die but it's nearly impossible to get ahold of anyone. I don't blame them, I'm trying to ignore myself too. 99% of all people ignore me because of where I've been & how I think. It's a disease alright.

Later WP.

This might not be the best time to ask, but have you considered - or are you in - therapy?

Hope you're okay.

Survivor's guilt doesn't have any know cure that's not "mind altering". Sure, I go to therapy but I'm too intractably different for them to really understand. I can't afford it, it's more like something my family pressured me into.

Talking about myself is nails on a chalkboard to other people anyway. Someday we'll be able to see each other without judging each other but that's not today or anytime soon, not for someone of multiple minorities such as me.

Yes, therapy has never done me any good either. Perhaps self-help might be a good idea. I don't know exactly what your problems are, but there are excellent books available for all common complaints (anxiety, depression, etc.) which are at least twice as effective as interview-based therapy, in my experience. But then your problems seem more "existential". Perhaps studying philosophy or literature would help. It too helped/helps me in many ways, though it's also caused me a great deal of suffering.

I need to get out of this house again.

Cberg. I am praying for you. Never ever give up hope.

You mean so much to us on this site. Your replies are soo much appreciated.

Exercise is a definite help. Getting lots of good quality fruit, vegetables and meat will also help.

It's raining a lot or I might get around to a bike ride. At least I made it to my friend's place before just deciding to collapse until tomorrow. When I'm not freaking about this, I love people. I'm 25 & still learning how much this affects me. It's not pleasant.

As much as social convention tells me it's outside my capability, I appreciate the responses. I'll figure something out but today's not my day, not yet anyway.

I think "most people" overvalue socializing

Socializing serves a function,, but "most people" act like it is the latest greatest thing since sliced bread


Seriously though, if you don't want to socialize, you don't have to

You're right. Like with everything, the ideal is an equilibrium between social extroversion and introversion.

I wish my friends understood that it's a miracle they can communicate with me at all.

I'd like to, but I'm rubbish at it. As much as I like people, I'm too different to get away with this. The equilibrium is a myth.

I feel this. ^

I have one friend who refuses to text or message me on FB to communicate. It has to be a telephone conversation. I have stopped answering because I can't do it. Speaking in person is even harder for me. I think some people have NO IDEA how physically and emotionally painful communication can be for us, even when we try to explain.

I'm a firm believer in the "Golden Mean", but achieving it isn't always easy.

I want to talk to my friends about this & it's really difficult to find the time or introduce the subject.