I don't get it

Post Reply New Topic

Hi:
Everywhere I go, I get along with people but I don't seem to have the same connection that those same people have with others. At work, I connect fine with my peers but I keep hearing these stories about how they are connecting and building buddy systems at work. Today, I heard that another colleague of mine lent out a DVD to another colleague who I get along with. Meanwhile, I am doing things alone which I am fine but sometimes I feel bad. Such as right now.

What are the unwritten rules and how do I play by them?

I have heard that if you like someone to mimic their body language and have open body language. How do I make connections?

I don't really know either! It is nice to see people get along well with each other. To me, if I am in work, I get along with people (Generally) but I see them in work and then come homw. I don't see them in other places. I don't work now though... But what I say that to me it is normal... Work is where I would get out and meet people and I am friendly but semi professional. I "Wear the job" as a mask? I mean... I concentrate with what I do. I don't want to go to the places others want to go. I always opt out and never go to Christmas parties. I said to them that if they want to meet at a beach and go for a walk or something like that I will come, but I don't want to go to a party, but they didn't really want to in the winter...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't know how they do it. I feel I was never given a copy of the rule book.

I just know I am different. I used to try to be normal but what is normal? I can't work it out! Haha!

I then realized that I am me and so I can be me. Yes, I still mask. I don't really intentionally mask as I seem to automatically mask? Is that possible? When I do notice that I am masking I get a feeling where I think "If only they knew the real "Me"".

I feel vunerable now I am older as it can be harder to fit in. It could also be more difficult to mask as well.

I have told people on several occasions that I would like to be included but they don't get it. They think if I just socialize more or learn more social skills that they are supposed help us gain friends. Yet we still end up being outsiders although, there are people who will accept you no matter what.

Aww. I accept you. And many of us in here do too.

Daniel Wendler has a second Tedx talk that makes me cry every time I hear it about his struggles to make friends.

There are no rules. You get invited when people want to be around you.

I don't know if there really is a way to fix that...I have the problem as well. People make connections and have fun, talk, laugh and I feel nothing. Almost everyone I tried talking to there was nothing.

Honestly it might be due to the neurological differences which sadly, might mean you will have to search for a while to find someone you connect with.

One thing I have found out. I have probably made about four or five real friends around my age (Within about 10 years of my age) in my life. All these friends have been good friends. They all have had issues as in that I don't think I have had an average person as a friend, but the few I have had at various times have been people I would say that have been or are a priviledge to know.

What I am trying to say is that you may not make many close friends in your life but the ones you do make will be real gems. And if you are friendless now, do not worry. There may be a gem around the corner!

Maybe some special interest group. People like to be around other people that enjoy doing the same stuff.

Riding roller coasters, for instance. There are people who get together to ride roller coasters!