Why Is "Passing" So Depressing?

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Not even in relation to autism, but just in general. I've been trying to become less socially awkward, and I've come to the realization that almost all human interactions are based upon pretending to care about people that you don't care about. Coworkers have to ask each other how their weekend was and how their kids are doing, even though most of the time, they couldn't care less. Small talk exists just to fill the void between two people who don't really care for talking with the other person. Obviously, most people have at least one person in their lives that they truly care about on a deep personal level, but for the most part, everyone seems more concerned with fitting in than building genuine connections with others. Am I overreacting? Am I just being an overly emotional "edgy" teenager, or is my viewpoint right?

In East Asia, small talk is scorned. They're way ahead of us here, as in most other areas.

Every culture has its own seemingly meaningless rituals that are really to keep the social network running. Keep the connections but not make them too tight. This is the purpose of small talk. The actual information exchanged is indeed meaningless.

Do people who regularly engage in smalltalk know this? What's passing?

They don't know that they know it
It's one of these "obvious" things that NTs don't need to give a thought.

What is passing?

Passing is successfully masking = hiding your autistic traits so no one notices.

I don't think it's rational to assume everyone is "pretending", in fact it could be potentially unhealthy. I have gone down that rabbit hole in the past and become quite paranoid. I'd recommend reading some layman psychology about sociability, as it will help to understand why NT's subconciously engage in certain social behaviours.

If I am autistic, the only way I can make this work is how I mask. I use my humour and make myself look thick. I have been described as a cross between Mr Bean and Frank Spencer when I do this. I had two fears though while masking. One was people will see the real intelligent me underneath. The other is that I may not actually be masking! That is frightening!

Who are you when you are alone?

I am normal me.
Though I don't know what that is. I know when I don't mask I get a beautiful sense of freedom.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 28 Jun 2019, 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Then the frightening thought in false.

I'm NT... I think we do it in the attempt to make others feel comfortable in our presence.

That's why the weather is so often a topic of small talk. Everyone experiences weather and everyone can talk about it and how it affects them.

I work in a medical clinic and that's the first thing I talk about when I first see a patient. IMO, it's to take the edge off of why they are there to see me. The more I get them talking the more they open up to me and tell me more about their medical condition.

The frightening thought is that if I put on mt "Thick" mask, that when I should unmask there would be no difference!

So, you value your sensitivity but won't go public with it.
I think that's okay.