I never had a long time friend or girlfriend

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is this normal? i feel worthless because people outside of home are social and i envy them. the worst thing is im 21 years old and losing my youth.

If it is normal for a substantial number of people, more than you would imagine. And for the people who have it is far less satisfactory than you would imagine. It comes with as many problems as benefits.

Nothing is actually either as absolutely good or bad as you imagine it to be. Turn your thoughts off the groove in your mind by standing back and simply observing them. Both the strength and weakness of the human brain is its power to imagine. Our thoughts are not real. You can choose not to engage with them when they are painful. Gently refuse to get drawn into the spiral and choose a different viewpoint. You can do this. It has been known for thousands of years that this is a problem with our minds that we can fall into destructive patterns but also that we can extract ourselves from these pits we sink ourselves into. Mood and life circumstances can be addressed separately. Tackling your mood first will enable you to tackle your life circumstances more easily.

You're not losing your youth at 21... good grief!

I met my soul mate in my early 30s. Why does everyone think you have to rush such things? One's emotions stabilize a bit as you enter your 30s and beyond. What we thought for good for us at 21 tends to change.

Your value as a human being has nothing to do with your friends or lack thereof

Not yet meeting your "soul mate" is one thing. Not being able to date at all because nobody wants to date you is another thing entirely. No 20-something year-old who's never had a partner despite wanting to is content to hold off on the idea of having a partner until they're in their 30s. And the issue is not that they haven't met their "soul mate" yet. The issue is that nobody wants to even be their partner at all, and they've never had the opportunity to be in a relationship or be wanted by someone. When nobody wants to be your partner, that doesn't exactly instill you with faith that you're ever going to find a soul mate.

^^You have a point. I found it difficult to date too. I had one or two dates but felt awkward and self conscious the whole time, like I was playing a role.

It was tough for me because I was trying to date women but was never really attracted to them all that much. In my case, I knew I was gay from school age already but it took me years to make peace with it. It then became easier for me to date because I was no longer playing a role.

I realize how tough it is for a straight guy to date if he feels awkward and is afraid of rejection, as I felt the same way with certain girls. But there were certain girls I could have had - one of them was eccentric and more than likely on the spectrum too. She was very nice though. A lot depends on her personality.

In my case, that's not even the problem. In my teens I struggled more with this.

Now it's just the case that anyone I ask out says no, and so I'm not fussed on the idea of asking anyone out without a reason to think that they might say yes. But no one ever expresses any kind of romantic interest in me, flirts with me or anything like that, so it never even comes to that.

GrandInquisitor,

This is what I dealt with all my life. I was alone, unwanted. I have a lot of friends now, but no significant other and, having been out of the social loop so long, I don't know if I will ever find anyone. I think that term, "There's someone for everyone," is an incomplete sentence. I believe in it, but only for those who have been consistently out and doing things their entire lives. I don't see how it applies to a 54 year old woman who has really only had about five years of social experience. My life right now is a good one, and I suppose I will just have to take what I am given. It's better than doing nothing.

I've never had one, but I don't want one; I want a wife. I'd be ok with having a "girlfriend", however, if she was compatible with me and willing to abstain from sex until we got married. I wouldn't want to live with her or spend nights with her till then, either, for the same reasons.

It's normal. Lots of people struggle with relationships and not only aspies. People with physical and mental defects more often than not struggle with it. Your worth is not defined by relationships.

In the Midwest US, it is dependent upon that. Try being a male in your mid 40s here without a significant other. You will get judged as either being gay or a complete loser. I am not gay, so that leaves only the other choice. If you hear something said enough, it will work itself into your mind whether you want it to or not.

In my case, I blame only myself as my social skills are poor at best. This is something that I have failed to be able to fix, so I finally gave up trying to force it. I also have deep psychological scarring due to past severe bullying issues that few women would want to deal with in a partner. There are just things that others will never be able to understand until they have been in the same situation themselves.

You're right about that. I don't live there, but where i live a woman's worth is also decided by how good of a housewife and Mother she is. I will never be good at those things too. Social conditioning is most definitely real. I didn't mean to disregard that. But i think even though it's hard we should still strive to be kind and fair to ourselves. And try to overcome this toxic social conditioning.

"Normal" is not necessarily a good thing

The solar system contains more defendants convicted of murder than, Nobel prize winners in physics. The activity with the more participants is not always the morally superior one


You can't measure your retail value

Even the exchange rate of monetary currency fluctuates daily



Some precious lil "people" are totally full of themselves and act like they are the latest greatest thing since sliced bread



They are "most people"



"Youth"? You are 21. Old enough to join the military, vote, drink alcohol, work a job , gamble, buy a gun


I am 36 and my "youth" has long been over





So what?