Highly_Autistic wrote:
And i lost the chance to enjoy and be normal like others because of autism. My life is full of negative stuff. I mean not only autism. From physical appearance to mental health, everything is screwed up.No job/education/socializing. I dont have any friends since high school, people change and i remain the same. This depression lasts forever.
Mainly can say..am hfa they say...and cwn relate to pretty much all of what you write . But , was absolutely stupid determined.. lonilyness and abuse, since was tiny. Seriously ! Aloneness and me , were safest buddies . But did not really know different. Hiding was a natural . Wanted friends but wanted to be inconpicuous . Had friends but my behaviour was not the best ,cause my brain was wired different . But tried . Knew a spanish family . And started to realise
Abuse was not normal. It seemed .children were loved. I was 5 yrs old. Was introduce between 5-6 yrs old to a same age neice, had asked her about what
I thought was normal treatment . For child if they cried too much .(my error)
Had no idea it was serious child sbuse , was asking how she handled it, when her parents did it to her . She said they never did that. I had to stop talking.
Cause i did not understand. She left. After visit with her parents and was told to write her letters. The letters had elements of my real life. I didnt know , NOT to write of this stuff. She stopped writing back..(nope) my mother just hid return letters .Eventually found out she married a lawyer moved to new york.
Everyone atound me always took or destroyed any good things i had ,however worthless they really were. Even just letters.
THE POINT OF THIS RESPONSE IS if you never knew any different, how would you ever miss it.
My life had some variations later on in my mid 30s .Found a man, a friend ,whom needed someone, prolly anyone , but my bring aspie. Was odd , and so happy to please him. And he with me. Took years for that to calm down. And just be normal people . Just being together . Had very very few fights.
But like all my family members had done to me . Younger brother realised i was naive. But older ,you get more ,you know especially close ones , had attempted to retain family relationshop with one younger brother. But he saw i had something nice. He and his gf did not. So they planned schemed and murdered my husband of 13yrs and got away with it.
Almost completely lost my mind.For do many years . But being a aspie came through for me in the end almost 13 more years later. Obssesion with what happened fullfilled its course . Minds driven with fear and hate can become very creative . It was the creativity. Albeit . Not about good thoughts all the time. But . Studied things intensely as a aspie might do . A new threats of advantage taking people appeared and necessity for self preservation .
Distractions came about. Usually of my own creation. Late Husband had introfuced me to sci fi community and their conventions . My creativity found a home there . And FOUND MYSELF TO BE MY OWN BEST FRIEND .
And survive on what few compliments i get on my own scifi creativity.
And prolly far too much coffee . Which is actually no more than 2 cups in a day .and the odd once in a while, smile from any given person..
Please know others may have been were you are .. happy holidays btw
.
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Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Quote:
where ever you go ,there you are
28 Nov 2019, 2:44 pm
