Going out feels less enjoyable

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I've managed to have a walk around in my local town but I do not feel I enjoy it as much as I used to. I am always trying to distance myself from others both inside the shopping centre and outside in the high street, I get uncomfortable when it gets to busy particularly on a weekend, I'm always trying to avoid touching as many things as possible unless I have to and I can't seem to trust that sanitising my hands gets rid of germs and so I resort to finding public toilets so I can wash my hands instead. It feels like I've turned into a paranoid and obsessive compulsive schizophrenic and that everyone else around is enjoying life as normal and I'm the only one who isn't. I'm not looking forward to Monday when restrictions on social distancing and mask wearing is eased because I seem to feel like that will dissuade me from going out again because there are no rules to keep us safe when shopping and stuff. I'm worried that I'll just be spending forever at home and won't always want to go out even before all this, I enjoyed going out to shops and other places and I want to get back to doing that again. There have been several times when I've turned down my dad and step-mum for not wanting meet up with them at a restaurant somewhere.

Meh going out is overrated these days.

I’ve barely even gone to the beach the last 2 summers!

Suntanned in my backyard solo twice this week instead.

I do have a dinner reservation booked for late September to celebrate a few things with a gay party scene acquaintance, but other than that the only times I’m leaving home are for work, motorcycle riding, helping my brother renovate a couple places, maybe got kiteboarding, swing by and visit the God kids when I can etc - but go spend time with ppl? Naaaaah. Not feeling it.

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