I've fallen into this trap

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Ramblin_JeffreyLee
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30 Jul 2007, 5:43 pm

I feel horrible typing this because I just feel like I'm a failure at life. I know it's kind of dumb to say but I don't know how else to explain. Problem is I'm doing nothing but constantly trying to seek validation from friends and family, especially in how I look. People say I look fine, attractive and not repulsive, but I feel they're just trying not to hurt my feelings. I often just feel ugly and disgusting, and that I'm too awkward to behave normally around most people.
I've made improvements, but I just don't feel I have the self confidence to go out of the way and really make friends and not just acquaintances or get involved with anything.

I just feel stuck, and I'm becoming more out of touch with the rest of the world. I just need to really vent at this point.



subatai_baadur
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30 Jul 2007, 6:01 pm

What is failure at life? Everyone could do much, much more than what they did, and almost everyone has done something, so by your criteria, everyone has failed at life. Not freeing a country from the repressive rule of the British Empire, inventing an awesome goddamn flavour of ice cream, or discovering the latest method of getting a killer orgasm doesn't make you a failure, because those people could have freed two countries, or invented two flavours of ice cream, or invented a way to have sex with zero risk of pregnancy not involving surgery. But my point is, everyone is a failure, or no one is a failure, depending on your world view. You can't set some sort of quota or time table for this sort of s**t.


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woodsman25
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30 Jul 2007, 6:03 pm

well, just remember, if u r going to die slowly, will u look back on life and say, i have failed, or say, i succeeded? Horrible thought yes, but it keeps me motivated to get stuff done. What do u wanna do with your life, be realistic tho. What goals do u have?


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lelia
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30 Jul 2007, 7:47 pm

Is it possible for you to volunteer at a Boys and Girls Club or suchlike teaching or tutoring something that interests you?



Ramblin_JeffreyLee
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30 Jul 2007, 10:15 pm

I really want to make an impact on other people, or at least just have some normal social life and friends I can depend on. But sometimes I feel way too selfish trying to desperately find a relationship. I'm just getting to incoherent here, but I don't know how else to put all this.



Arbie
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31 Jul 2007, 7:27 pm

I can relate to this. I have very low self esteem about my looks and I too feel that people only tell me nice things because they "have to"(being family), or in the case of friends, were just trying to cheer me up. I also feel strangers can see me and tell that there is "something wrong" with me. And I also feel like a failure at life. I suspect that this might be somewhat common for people with our condition whether these feelings are justified or not. And I am sure some people might say these feelings are never justified but w/e.

I will tell you this however, I have basically come to the conclusion that it is impossible to please everyone or even most of the people I will ever know. I am obviously conflicted a bit on this, on the one hand I know and accept the above to be true in my mind, but on the other hand I have these strong feelings of inadequacy in regards to how I compare to others, and how others perceive me (I am strange about things like that). My goal is to stop caring about all of that sort of stuff because I think that is the path to any sort of limited success that I might be able to achieve. They are the most crippling aspects of social interaction for me.