What to do

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Sometimes its hard to see me making progress. Sometimes I wonder what it all means. I think that I should feel satisfied and successful.

I try to look at what I have been doing and I think that I keep forgetting...

An example,

Ever since that certain mental health organization advertised themselves in the newspaper, I have joined them. It was difficult at first.

I had to erase some of the things they wrote down. All that I wanted was a case-worker. I had to "jump through hoops" to get what I wanted. (Not only that but I had to validate the fraud that they did to my files!)

The fraud was there when my mother had to ask questions to be my legal gardian. She had all my medical records.

Even before that when I got my SSI money as I possess it up until now doesn't hold into my attention. How could I? But money is the ultimate material neccessity and I have gotten enough of it to "pay for rent" and so much more. I do it living at parents home but its not like a serious requirement or anything.

Anyway, I don't know what it is but I keep regressing like having delusions. But they don't feel like delusions and are not bazzar like having delusions. Come to think of it, they mirror some of the worries that I have read on wrongplanet.net

They make you feel like the world is closing up into just a few things that are out there to destroy you! There's an anger to it. But I can definetely say that about myself. But its probably not just me. Maybe its because I am just 22 years old.

&

I don't know exactly what the problems are - now I can admitt.

Perhaps we people do live in a broken world. We think that we are being stuck.

I wasn't sure where to resort to help it - if I feel like there is something that I need to have.

Anyways, what follows from all this... I have been thinking lately of what is damaging to me. I have so many difficulties because of my neurological and psychological processes: driven by the enviroment.

And I couldn't ever see anything in those mental disorder pills because those suppress symptoms and couldn't improve anything. Its like they tune down peices of the brain.

But now I have been wondering about cognitive enhancers (nootropics) and if there were anything I need to supplement to help rid any rare side-effects(unlike the other ones that actually are the strong psychoactive kinds).

I was looking up the key words for gaba and vasodialation and found picamilon. So then I went to the supplement and longativity sellers etc on the internet and found more cognitive enhancers.

I don't have problems with blood-flow to my brain but I wonder if better circulation and blood flow could make a difference. And if more blood-flow might contribute to more free-radicals than I should supplement with good anti-oxidants.

About what I was saying previously: I've bought it and broke the capsule(directions say you can for this stuff) for 50mg and I think that is a good dosage even though it could be my imagination. I'm not sure what it does even at 100mg. Oh well.

Kind of like I was saying, though: I may have better freedom if I felt better than normal.

hI EARTH DWELLER,
no-one has replied to your post yet so I 'll be the first one . yeehah !
Its hard for me to know how your feeling exactly seeing as I 'm a bit older than you but .... .
How crazy do you feel, crazy enough to go walking naked in the rain ? or spend you all you money on greeting cards ?
It's worthwhile asking yourself these questions sometimes to workout if you really are psychotic or have psychotic episodes( which are the mark of true mental illness).
Our lovely western medical institutions have become extremely adept at making different people feel abnormal when thesociety we live in is the crazy thing.
I struggled with self doubt about my insanity meanwhile I was just surviving like many people with autism do.
Many people find medication beneficial. Temple Grandin regularly takes anti- depressants. But I find nature very soothing.
It doesnt hurt to develop a relationship with God(that's GOD the creator ) . After all, He's the one to answer your questions and help you when you're down.

You need to have something of you own that YOURS that gives you comfort and gives you confidence. i.e some music or writing etc.

You will find alot of people in this life will use you and take advantage of you and thats happened to me many times.Sometimes its like autistic people have a stamp on their forehead that says "Kick me Im not like you". Remember. people fear what they dont understand.
I've blabbed on enough.
Take care

zoya4eva wrote:

>I struggled with self doubt about my insanity meanwhile I was just surviving like many people with autism do.
>Many people find medication beneficial. Temple Grandin regularly takes anti- depressants.

I wasn't talking about Temple Grandin... I was talking about myself.
(I'm not giving this info for people that do benefit from those conventional bio-chemical treatments)

I just thought that I would feel more clear-headed since I don't consume psychoactive substances such as ssri medicine or ritalin but I still do the ones that I prefer on rare occasions during the month which are things of a different potency and mechanism like alcohol drinks or opoids.

>Our lovely western medical institutions have become extremely adept at making different people feel abnormal when thesociety >we live in is the crazy thing.

I have different versions of insanity and many of them are either related to depression or stupid and silly behaviors. If I wanted to discuss this stuff in detail, I'd go to the human rights blogs to work out all the details of our mental health system through messages being exchanged with them. This isn't the right forum to get in depth with that. Probably that I am here, what I would have to keep in mind is that people here are supposivley to be mostly assumed to get conventional therapies such as bio-chemical ssri's or not others.

>You need to have something of you own that YOURS that gives you comfort and gives you confidence. i.e some music or writing >etc.

I've been trying to keep that in check... So..

I do agree with that. Many times, I see that the problem was so simple and that I expected too much out of myself.