involuntary procrastination

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ever get the feeling of needing to go do stuff but you cant and it feels really bad and you know it would make you feel better to go do it

Yes, I have trouble getting started on things. Once I get going I'm not too bad but I seem to spend a lot of my time navel gazing and in dreamland.

Absolutely. I get like that sometimes and it's hard for me to knock it off when I do. It's like the inactivity breeds more inactivity and I mentally beat myself up for that stuff while I sit and keep on doing more nothing. It's weird though, because in general, I'm self motivated and just do stuff without thinking much of it. But when I don't, I really don't. I think I suck at balance and finding middle ground. *shrugs*

studies show up to 80 percent of autistic individuals struggle with "executive function". Add that many of us also have demand avoidance, no wonder we struggle to "get started". There are "work arounds" we can try to help ourselves do better. Lots of good info out there on the 'net.

I'm better at procrastination than anything else. Gold medal standard. I'm procrastinating right now.

The dumb thing about it is, I'm thinking "I've got work to do. But I'd rather be doing x". But I'm not even doing x instead of working. I'm just dicking about on the internet. So by the time I get the work done, there'll be no time to do x. I could either just do x and work later, since I'm procrastinating. Or do the work quickly and then enjoy x.

I can do this for days.

Demand avoidance.

Procrastination is by definition a voluntary act.

Procrastination does not happen to you. You make it happen.

I can be so unhappy and frustrated doing what I'm doing, but 'changing gears' feels so difficult and I have to physically wrench myself away. It's like an overwhelming inertia.

So for that reason I don't totally agree that procrastination is 100% a choice. It almost feels like succumbing to a brain malfunctioning. So you've made a choice not to fight it but sometimes you don't have the strength to do so.

In this particular situation its not demand avoiding although I do have that trait.

Yes, there is actually a term for that now. I can’t remember exactly what it was. Something like autistic procrastination.

Presumably it is part of our impaired executive function. It is recognized now as a “thing.”

It’s not voluntary if we lack the agency to do something about it.

I'm glad it's being recognised

I listened to a good podcast the other day on procrastination. The interviewee was an expert and she said simply that procrastination is the result of the inability to process a negative emotion.

I'd never really thought of it in those terms.

So when I'm avoiding my work it's not because I don't want to do the work it's because I don't want to feel certain emotions that I associate with work.

I've been trying to notice what my brain does when I have work to do. Essentially, it throws up and endless parade of others things I could 'quickly' do that aren't my work. Things that don't give me negative emotions.

I've also been trying to sit with the negative emotion and figure out what it is. I'm not good at recognising my emotions so this is not easy.

But with work I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome essentially. Because I'm freelance it feels like every piece of work is an exam and if I fail it there'll be no more work. Instead of using that fear to do the best work I can to mitigate the risk, I just avoid the work.

It suggests that at a basic level, I don't believe in my skills as a writer (which is what I do) and also that I don't think my work is worth what I charge for it.

I've been making a list of contrary evidence to this belief - mainly the facts that I've been doing this work for a long time, I get repeat business and no one has ever questioned my fee.

It helps, actually. I'd been avoiding putting in an invoice because I hate asking for the money I've earned(!). Once I'd written that list of contrary evidence I did send the invoice without further procrastination.

I'll be trying this approach for other things.